Author Topic: The Lake House  (Read 24380 times)

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13616
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #45 on: June 10, 2021, 01:42:23 PM »
Wow, Lighter.
You really are paying attention to how you interact with men, and owning it.
Huge BRAVO here!

I like the way you understand men, which has always impressed me. And I see it as GREAT to be strong and do whatever work you feel like doing. Likewise great, to avoid the tender-care-vibes pitfall which I think you've identified so clearly now. Bravoooo.

I think you don't need to be Bee's rescuer, particularly since his boss is decent enough to apologize. Bee's poor-puppy downcastness is genuine but also not yours to fix...and he does have support and love in his world. Think of him as a wounded pug, and yourself as NOT the vet.

That help? Bee sounds like a dear person you understand who'd also be an emotional sinkhole for you. You can hold your compassionate intentions for him in private and still feel good about yourself. He has his learning experiences to face as we all do, and gradually he might learn more about how to progress in his world from the no-nonsense boss.

You know what's best for you, and I think it's avoiding the confidante-tender friend-mommy vibe with men. Any of them.

Should you wind up with a grownup, responsible and self-reflective wonderful partner? One day when he's feeling low, you can pull out all the Lighter stops for him, because you'll be in an intimate relationship.

For the rest of the wounded men we all encounter in our lives? They can learn self-healing just as women have to do.

GOOD on you for all this reflection and consciousness. Wow.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #46 on: July 01, 2021, 12:37:05 PM »
Thanks, Hops for your response.  It all made sense.  I haven't been spending much time at job site with contractor or Bee so I'm not monitoring myself.  Just doing the jobs and recovering from poisoning.

Bathtub lost in transit.
Dropped f bomb on poor customer service rep for giving up in ONE hour.  I've been working hard for 3 weeks then get that tub.  I did not give up.   Why would he give up in an hour?  I did not understand.  Still don't.

So, THAT conversation let me know adrenaline dumps still almost knock me out.  Good info to have, imo. 

Yesterday the refund from Amazon went in much to my chagrin, and a third party freight company scheduled delivery this morning for tub delivery on the 3rd.  Will see.

I refused to find and order another tub.  Didn't know why.  Just. No.

This is one reason I like to find, put hands on and transport large items myself. 

Lots of busy work at lake. 

Lined up hardwoods to replace LR.  Will refinish other hardwoods to match LVP.  Dark.  Covers Oak wood patterns and looks a bit more formal.

Lighter






lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #47 on: July 06, 2021, 05:48:55 PM »
Well, the lost tub was delivered today.  Contractor says it looks good.  I'm glad.

I'm working out the details and trying to stay ahead if contractor before he needs answers.  Some things depend on what he finds after demolition.  We work well together, bc he likes solving problems and I defer to him on things if it triples his workload to do otherwise.  It keeps the budget down and things running smoothly....happily.

My brother has the balance of the LVP ordered. Contractor has $1.00 sf hardwoods lined up.
Tile for next 2 bathrooms and tub surround on site. Toilets on site. Vanities on site.

Ok, here's a decision I haven't made.

Keep the custom 31" high vanity and black Corian countertop in the master, change out
the sink and faucet and paint vanity
OR
Tear out the vanity, have 36" tall cherry wood stain vanity with black granite top, good sink and faucet cut down 4" and installed instead BUT will the mirror surrounding current vanity screw that up?

There's J molding at just the right height for current vanity.  I go back and forth.

How important is taller vanity and granite with open hotel shelving underneath important to you guys?  It looks updated and high end to me.

All in all, tearing out the short cabinets in master and laundry make the spaces look 100% improved.

Closet planning a work in progress.  I can incorporate a coffee bar in 6' wx 40" master closet if I'm clever and think it's a good idea after more thought.  Not worried about it.

All coming together.

I have kitchen cabinets to figure out next.  Will keep the oak, but maybe distress uppers and paint lowers and island ...black?  Distress that too?

I look forward to getting my hands dirty in that job soon.  I wish DD18 didn't hate renovation process.  It complicated things, ime.

It's difficult to balance the food, travel, social and hands on projects....for me.

Lighter
« Last Edit: July 06, 2021, 05:54:10 PM by lighter »

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #48 on: July 06, 2021, 10:46:58 PM »
CB:
The property will be in a rental program, but also used by our family.  I think the shorter vanity does look ok.....but also short.  To me.
That's ok, bc the ceiling is lower in that area, I've decided.  It solves the mirror question and keeps everything moving along.....but then I'm painting 25 year old oak wood.....or contractor is.

Same with the kitchen.....and it's beautiful warm oak.  Tall.  Fits the space.....it was done right.  Finding a way to freshen and overcome 25 years of use, my scrubbing and a change in hardware, leaving 2 small holes on every door and drawer.....makes me think of distressing in a 100 year old piece of furniture way...not shabby chic. 

Painting the lower cabinets won't ever be slick, bc the nature of oak wood grain.  A tad bit of distressing....just the corners and edges....might bring it all together.  It does in my mind, anyway.

I can set up a spray booth in the garage. 

On the other hand, if I'm just straight up painting, I'll likely have contractor do it.  He's a cabinet man.  I'm not a neat as a pin person.  The wood grain would drive me mad.  I think the contractor isn't looking forward to it either.

The coffee bar in the closet...... there's plumbing in place we have to remove if not using.  I'll think it through 50 ways then decide.
The bathroom sink is wide enough for a coffee maker, so ditching the plumbing doesn't mean no coffee bar in the master.

Thanks for the input, CB.  Easier and cheaper would be a good thing.  Sometimes I have to let what is.....be enough.

Lighter



lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #49 on: July 10, 2021, 12:42:41 PM »
Contractor taking his lovely wife on vacation for a week.  I've been away from the job for a week.  I'll go while he's gone and try to get out ahead of him again.

Lighter

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #50 on: July 19, 2021, 06:00:11 PM »
Back at the lake house.  Tile going up in a bathroom....looks good. 

Realtor called sib and made a really high offer on behalf of hot to trot gal investors who had a deal fall through on a property much smaller than this one, bc they couldn't split it up and build.  I've met this realtor a couple times, gone to see her lake house....I had a feeling she'd bring us a good buyer/offer. I told her I thought she would. 

I just keep working in the renovation.  It feels really good....sort of working meditation if this is such a thing.

I could let it all go..... I'm not tied to it.  I could build and grow a business....I wonder what my brother will think.

Lighter


sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5440
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #51 on: July 20, 2021, 09:49:29 AM »
No doubt in my mind you could take on a business Lighter, and do well. What kind of thing do you have in mind?
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #52 on: July 20, 2021, 12:15:54 PM »
Amber:

My brother fell in love with a non profit my niece worked with...... a horse farm for special needs children. She worked with the horses and children. 

He's applied for the non profit status... will take about a year.  There would be barracks housing, a military kitchen.... petting zoon... a large gathering space..... this house,which is in no way hadicap friendly,btw. 

So, both sibs have OK'd the selling price mentioned by the realtor.  I textd her last night to go ahead with the contract.  She responded this morning she'll let me know what her clients say.

I had a wonderful morning.... very focused on doing things I love... moving through the space, taking measurements to calm and please myself, rather than problem solve in the moment.  Just touching, enjoying, noticing little things I usually don't have time or focus to notice.

Letting my inner toddler play, I think.

Contractor putting in a second row of 12x24"tiles.....and he's very proud of it, I realize.

I've been moving through my morning focused on myself.  Contractor came into the kitchen sayinghe'd makehimself at home and get a glass of water. I said that was fine, get ice.

He couldn't find a glass,but I think he wanted my attention.I got him a plastic insulated cup.  He wanted meto take the lid off. I did,then just got him the water, which I felt was a bit odd.....and he excitedly said "come look!"  Like a child. 

He explained laying the tile vertically created challenges with regard to imperfections in the edges....... we discussed how it looked a bit commercial.....bounced thelight around the room nicely...... he explained howhe finished edges or will finish them...how the math was worked out.... pros and cons of that math, which is great,bc I learn too and understand the process more fully.

And what I got out of that, besides re connection with contractor, was how cofortable he IS with people with poor and innapropriate boundaries. 

Not that I'm a boundary stomper,but I DO comment on food and health issues like PAIN FREE Egoscue method, etc. I bought him a book. I chat with himabout his wife's prescriptive food choices and gains in health to a degree most people wouldn't, IMO.

And that's his comfort zone.  No doubt he was raised without boundaries and senses healthy boundaries as something uncomfortable.  I sure used to, myself.  I didn't understand why I felt it, or what it was exactly, but I was uncomfortable around the most "normal" people........yet yearning to be closer to them. Not understanding how that worked or why I couldn't seem to DO it, be normal........and here I am.....noticing it with the contractor.

I'll feed us both lunch and catch up. He's been on vacation in Florida. He was excited my last text to him was Get your passports, along with the Island cottage website. I'll renovate the guest cottage next,likely make it into a bunkhouse, bc "caretaker" renter isn't keeping the yard as well as I'd like, or feeling responsible enough.  My brother paid him for some work and I commented....."Must be nice to be paid to live in the guest house for free."  Brother laughed......it's true and it's not going to work for me forever.

I also would like to be able to stay in the guest house when we have guests and I'm on the island. Maybe I'll live there for 3 months out of the year and offer bed and breakfast or cooked meals, childcare....... I just don't know,but the caretaker isn't wearing enough hats for the real estate he takes up.  He might have to share and I wonder what that would look like, or if he'd still be in the picture at all. 

I'll post more about that on the Island thread.

In the meantime I'll see how contractor and I get through lunch. We get along so well.  I don't see that changing,based on my current mental space and happy bouncing along with the renovation.

If the house sells, which I don't think about much, it sells.

If we keep a lot and build or just hold it.... we do that. 

I think the entire thing would go, but I have no expectations for that outcome.

I half think another buyer will come along AFTER the entire renovation is done.  Not sure why, but I feel that's in the cards.  Maybe it;s just my inner toddler holding on to the pleasure of creating new very safe feeling/smelling space to enjoy herself and with family?

Maybe I'm holding on to the GET IT DONE energy, myself?

Lighter

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13616
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #53 on: July 20, 2021, 12:39:52 PM »
I'm confused...
Are you selling the lake house to that equine-based nonprofit?
Are you and your brother wanting to start a new nonprofit there of your own?

I just didn't make the segue to what it all means.

Densely,
Hops

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #54 on: July 20, 2021, 02:13:53 PM »
Sorry, Hops.  It's confusing.

Brother wants to start a non profit based on what he's learning from someone who has the kind of non profit my brother is interested in.

Since the house isn't being renovated to ADA compliance, I have the feeling this property is destined for something else, but it will be an option my brother is creating possibility for.  He can SEE that come to fruition.  It appeals to me tremendously too. 

Lighter

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #55 on: July 20, 2021, 03:50:14 PM »
OK.... lunch with contractor.

He said out loud he was hungry and could eat anytime.  I jumped on getting that ready for us both. I skepped breakfast and had to eat, take supps, etc.

I set the table and put my bags of supplements on the chair between us.  We were facing each other that way for the chat we were about to have, which was appropriate and mostly about what he was going to do as he aged and what I would do as I decided what work I'd choose for myself.  I will work. it's a matter of finding what that work will be.

The possibility of working together, perhaps building tiny homes on trailers was bantered about. Contractor said this was floated to him by someone else and he'd said no, bc the guy was a greedy, mean, pushy person.

I said...."I'm not, so think about it."  I also took away he's not interested in doing every stitch of design/fabrication for an even split. 

That was curious, bc thinking about things being fair is how I always frame things.  My sense of justice wouldn't have it any other way, which is the pickle I'm struggling with concerning my father's caretaker.  I'm not sure what's fair, but I'll figure it out.  The turmoil comes from letting other people's idea squeeze on my idea.....and then I get defensive in mindset and all logic is lots for a while. 

My idea of whats fair will be mine and it will be different than my sibs, IMO.  Trying to come to an accord and agree isn't necessary and it's not likely possible, IMO. 

So..... lunch with the contractor was great. I really like his wife, bc he talks about her all the time and in glowing terms. 

I feel confident I'll be safe with sturdier and sturdier boundaries.  I feel he;ll adjust to them and learn to be comfortable.....understand them, bc we do talk about them.  His journey out of addiction and into recovery has informed his life.  He's wise in ways I can't fathom.  We're both listeners and eager to share ideas.  It works really well, IMO.  He has 7 grandchildren!!!!!  OMG.... he's my age!  Trerific sense of humor and his kindness toward Bee......... he's a good person.  I know this.

Lighter


lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #56 on: July 21, 2021, 11:13:22 AM »
The female investors maybe lost their funding after losing their initial contract feel through.... I think?

They aren't looking at our property,  in any case.

I really didn't feel it would go through, truth be told.  I never stopped working, but yesterday I felt very connected to house and everything in it, bc it might be gone soon.  It's interesting how different it feels when it's not.

The bug guy thanked me for listening to his older album.  Thanked me for looking up the one he made in May.  Talked a bit about it being "heavier" and I asked "how could it not?" 

He looked me in the eye during that exchange and I noticed how relieved I felt. I notice how it felt when he didn't.  That's about me.  Will tend to that.  Maybe while filling those concrete cracks!

Lighter


lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #57 on: August 06, 2021, 11:15:57 AM »
OK.  The contractor pulled out the zero radius mower we could get started in the out building and showed me how to run it.

I DID run it, while he was looking, then it shut off, rather embarrisingly, when I turned downhill and found myself going too fast for comfort, hit the breaks and it sputtered out....... I'm sure we were both shocked and wide eyed. Contractor terrified watching me o the thing....... offering to cut the property, bc he doesn't want me harmed trying, etc. 

So, the great huge thing sat in the yard all yesterday afternoon, evening and overnight, bc every
time
i
tried
to
mow
it shut down.

Over
and
over and
over
again.

And it didn't seem to have any rhyme or reason as to why.  I'd done the exact same things to make it GO. Why was it shutting down?

Conractor texted this am to see how mowing went. I joked I couldn't move it an inch..... the girls said it was God sending me a powerful message about mowing.  He's an uber Christian and thought that was very funny.

He came by this morning, close by bc working on another job, and started the thing. Ran it around, showing off...... sure it was ME not disengaging the parking break, but was it?

I hopped on and took off, going around the yard then onto the driveway.... I thought I heard the deck scrape the drive and stopped to raise it.... I know how to do that.  When I raised the deck the thing sputtered out. Again.  Contractor walked over and was puzzled. Again. 

He I tried to start the thing, over and over and he had me get up.  He sat down and started it right up.  Same thing I was doing.

So...... about the time we suspected I didn't have enough weight in the seat to engage the weight switch consistently the thing puttered out on him, for no reason.

At least it's in the garage, safe until I get back from Atlanta.  I have my ear protectors, gloves and hat on the seat waiting. 

The reason contractor a little terrified for me is bc he knows baby girl pug is in the house.... could be terrible if she got out and under the mower, but also bc there's a lot of slope near the lake and he's unsure how a machine this big will run for anyone, much less a complete novice having trouble going 10 feet in a straight flat line. 

OK, that's the yard.

Contractor and I went over kitchen sink improvements and backsplash install.  To install over old tile or remove it.  Sicne the tile was put in with the really sticky white stuff.... chances are we'd have to replace the sheetrock if we remove it.  I have a piece of tile used in the second bathroom tile floor that is thin enough to be perfect installed over old tile. That's the plan there.

The sink, however, is a different matter.  I wanted to replace the old triple sink with big dish drying area with a 500.00 double sink that's modern, sleek, deep and has those grates and fancy drains...... just a lovely thing, but the old sink is HUGE. So. Huge.  We got up under it and noticed the counter was cut out under the drying area as well, which means it's staying.

That said, we're on septic so I'm having him remove the garbage disposal we were never allowed to use, bc my father would yell from his chair every time someone unfamiliar with the rule turned it on.  Why did he put it in if we couldn't USE it?  I'll never know, but there's a small centered sink JUST for the garbage disposal and the drain trim says In-Sink-Erator so decision made to remove the gd, the trim and to install a regular drain there. 

I got a great deal on an instant hot water dispenser for the sink and it matches the faucet perfectly.  Faucet cover will go over the existing 3 holes of current broke down dripping faucet, check. 
If I don't put the instant hot water unit at my house, contractor will cut another hole in existing sink and put it there. 

It's such a huge sink..... I think it would be cool to have it then we don't have to have a kettle, of any kind, for renters to mess with.

How to bullet proof everythign that can be bullet proofed?

The bedroom we've created out of a closet and office space will have a barn door installed at newly created bathroom entrance. 

The one thing I'm not happy about is the placement of the light switch when entering the room in the dark.  I'll lable it, perhaps put in a lighted switch, but it's on the other side of the closet on a different wall than the bedroom entrance is located on.  It's odd, but I don't want to change it. 

I can put a small console table to the side of the entrace door with a lamp.  That would resolve that issue in my mind and provide a place to drop purse, wallet, change, etc.  Something with drawers would be functional too.

I have lots of furniture and tables and lamps to select from.... beautiful things, tall things, short things, narrow things, large things I picked up at the re store and goodwill for 2 and 5 dollars........ some things are amazing and glorious so I'm excited about the process.

That my brother would rather get the renovation done, sans ANYTHING in the house, THEN make selections at retail stores for exactly what's needed is a difference in our styles.  He's busy working while I have more time as I deal with my girls, the renovation and other projects....... I have the time while traveling to stop, find great deals, throw them in my truck and drop these things on the job site as I go back an forth.  I have the door to close off down from upstairs waiting at the bottom of the stairs, where it's going to be installed after the upstairs renovation is complete. Once that's in, we can begin renting out the 3 bedroom, 3.5 bath upstairs as an entire house. Hopefully in the fall.  I look forward to that.  I can SEE it. 

Brother said he has plans for the exterior.  He's happier with the drive than he was. That will stay.  It's the plants and planting really needs attention and I'm not feeling like tackling it.  He said he is, but does he have time? I'm not sure about that.

I'd' hate to have the place ready to rent, but the landscaping is still where it is.  Torn out, mostly and overgrown with weeds.

Not good photo op moments. Not special.

Once the kitchen sink is handled.....once the 3 pendant lights have been changed out...... the kitchen can be what it is till I get to painting the lower cabinets.  I'd like to have a spray shop set up in the garage, which requires more work in that area.

I want to install 2 fans on the covered porch.  Add party lights and I'm looking to source those now.  SOmething festive but worth the time and expense.  The ones on my back porch go out to quickly.  Do LED lights last forever?

Lighter


lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #58 on: August 06, 2021, 11:56:46 AM »
Brother say I should fill the mower's left tank,w hich is empty, and switch over to that tank. 

Right now the right tank is full and the switch is in the correct place for that..... maybe something is wrong in that system to account for the shutting down problem.

Have to get ready to go South now: )

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8631
Re: The Lake House
« Reply #59 on: August 07, 2021, 07:35:02 PM »
Contractor came by and mowed today.   Astonishing to have someone show up and BE competent without being a threat.  I realize I'm not really used to it,but I always always have high expectations.

I saw my brother today....I thought he might be in the hospital...he's been silent, not answering the phone, not texting and I had really important questions to our mission. AC downstairs not working. I can't get the mower to work FOR ME.  I needed something from him, needed to drop something to him....... and he was home.... looking pretty OK.  A little glassy eyed.... you could tell he's not feeling 100%, but is up, dressed, moving around and working on a truck.  Looking forward to going back to work on day 17 of his Covid odyssey.  I think that's the plan. 

Anyway, he told me I can adjust the tension in the mower's seat to it won't be so sensitive to my reduced weight..... it's set for him and his weight now.  That would have been helpful to know before, but he's had Covid.

He also told me how to start the other zero turn mower...... would have been nice to know, but he's had Covid. 

And he didn't make fun of my double mask and plastic yard gloves.  I just can't get sick right now. I won't.  He was very nice and very respectful, same as me to him and I'm very happy about that.  I want to get to know him better.

His son is ghosting me, but then my oldest dd ghosts me too..... always had her phone on silent bc of work.  She's changing that now.  I hope my nephew does too. 

I dropped my friend's glass off at her house, along with 6 supplements the NRP said she needed.  She looked really good in a new outfit, but was weak as a kitten from a relapse.  I don't think she's eating well so that's not going to change any time soon. I feel nothing about that.  I hope she figures it out for herself. She's certainly smart enough AND she's excited her oldest ds will be visiting her tomorrow.... bringing his new gf to meet mom.

Since he was ghosting her, in a cruel fashion along with her dd....... she was devastated and crushed and sinking for a while.  She looked brighter and better..... I think she's figured out she doesn't need her relationships with her kids to be ANYTHING for her to be OK.

She's still internalizing the lessons.  She sees them again and again and they get more familiar.  Easier to accept.  Easier to put on the shelf.

Lighter