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Was Anyone Else a Lost Child?

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bean2:
Thank you for everyone who has responded to my posts.  I read them all, and sometimes read them more than once.

I am really struggling lately, with the realization that I was the Lost Child (third born) in my Family of Origin.

I want to break out of this role, but I am so scared.  Even thinking about doing something different brings an ache to my stomach.  It doesn't feel OK for me to stay where I'm at, though.

Where does this stuff come from? 

I guess I just need to take some baby steps.

any words of wisdom would be appreciated

bean

Bettyanne:
As a child when my mother wanted me to go to sleep.....she would run her fingers on bed headboard and say the mouse is going to get you if you don't go to sleep ........
Not sure if that counts as lost child or abused child.......
I sure hope and pray you know you count here.
Lots of Love,
Bettyanne

Hopalong:
I felt lost in a way, Bean.

My parents were dutiful and nonviolent and my Dad was a completely gentle (if often ineffectual in changing anything) soul. He worked too much to take in what I was going through but I did know he loved me.

But my Nmom was emotionally absent and my older brother abusive. Bullying at school for many years (while I was the youngest, smallest, and awkwardest) was the capper.

In that sense, I felt too often unseen, unheard. I was SOOOO sad and SOOOO lonely. I was small and smart and super sensitive. Waaaay sensitive. Not cut out for most of stuff. Especially girl-group stuff.

If that's "lost" -- yup.

How I've "found" myself is by consciously trying to remember to intentionally 'beam' love inward to my living inner child, and overall trying more to be my own loving friend. Huge adjustment in my pleasing, empathic mindset. Doesn't replace it but the balance was wayyyy out of whack. (I've noticed that this also makes it easier for me to love others.)

I send you courage (which I know you already have) to take some of these small steps. Know you are not alone, there are millions all over who are doing the same. And sometimes we "losties" find each other and discover we're found after all.

much courage, big hugs--
Hops

sKePTiKal:
My tai chi teacher used to tell me - just be yourself, nothing bad will happen. It was wise encouragement - and when I finally was able to "crack" out of my shell - I found she was right. Nothing bad happened.

Bettyanne:
I don't know to laugh or cry.......
my N Mother used to call me a snot nose all the time......
If I saw her cleaning which most of the time she didn't
So I would know someone was coming if she was cleaning
so she would call me names most of the time Snot nose etc etc
When I think of her now what a dumb person she was or should I say just plain mean person.
You are a wonderful person.......I think these parents we had were a lot to be desired. 
Please think highly of yourself and feel good about yourself....
I know you mean a lot to everyone on this forum. 
No matter what they said or did to us......we found help....and people to help us
big hugs.....Bettyanne

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