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CoDependent......well that's me?

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Twoapenny:
Just a few things I thought of when I read your post, Betty Anne - I think it's very normal when you've nursed someone extensively the way you have Bill these last few years, and then suffered that loss, for a whole tsunami of feelings and emotions to pour out, whoever they may be related to.  I think when you have to be strong and keep going lots of stuff gets pushed down, then when your situation changes, for whatever reason, it all pours out.  So do try not to give yourself a hard time about the things you feel and think about.  I know it doesn't feel nice but it's very normal and it does, eventually, reduce.  It is hard in the meantime, though.

I've not spoken to my mum for about fifteen years, but I still think about her every day.  My dad died nearly forty years ago and I still think about him every day as well.  I think our parents are such a big part of our lives that it's very natural to think about them often, whether for good or for bad.  I kind of think you can grow and heal around them, you know?  Like the way that sometimes you see a tree that's sort of grown around a fence or a pile of rubble?  I think people can be like that.  I'd just say try not to worry too much about the fact that you think about her a lot.  I think it will reduce in time.

Something I have found and do found useful for managing stress, grief, loss etc are the sort of hands on therapies that people can do - acupuncture, osteopathy, reflexology, those sorts of things.  I find just having someone else do something for me, put their hands on me in a healing kind of way, really helps, and helps ease out the knots that I get from being tense.  I don't know how things are with Covid where you are but maybe in time something like a massage or reflexology session might help a little as well.  Little things like that can really help xx

lighter:
Echoing Tupp's experience with a good massage at, reflexogy, etc.  That, particularly when combined with good trauma informed therapy  ( particularly a therapist practicing emdr and memory reconsolidation art therapy) helps recognize, name, understand and process our inner world and how it shows up in the body.

You're a good mother and human being, Bettyanne.  It's time to nurture and explore who you are.....who you were before your mother implanted untrue scripts in your head.

It's going to be OK, ((Bettyanne.))

Lots of good support and information on this board.  We're all holding you in our hearts.

Lighter

Bettyanne:
I realize at some point I need to let go of what my NM did to me......I see she was really a sick cookie who should of never had kids etc.
Her own childhood must of been crazy with her mother....who seem to me didn't have much up stairs.if you know what I mean.......
It was not a good situation to bring a child into.....
I realized right on as a young child something was very wrong...
If I visited with friends......and stayed a friends...house things were much different
It was like i was being raised in a circus....of monkeys to put it mildly.
The good news was when I met Bill.....
He struggled through with me with it.....because he had a crazy mother as well.
We didn't realize all of this at once but as the years passed we knew it more and more
Today I am relieved of my own family and now Bill has passed on to his family as well which sure
had emotional problems as well....drinking was a big one......Bill had 35 years of sobriety when he passed.....only one in his family
I am so grateful to have had Bill.....a normal person who went through it with me.....and a loving husband......I can't express it enough to have had him in my life all those years.
Thank you to all of you and your responses so helpful
I am trying and with time to except Bill's passing that's the hard part for me
and I will take time to figure my future too......
Big hugs to you all
Bettyanne
PS I will let go of her(mother) because she is not worth holding onto.....it's time to let go

Hopalong:
You're doing the BEST YOU CAN, ((((Bettyanne))).

That's not just good enough, it's beautiful.

Big hugs and comfort,
Hops

Bettyanne:
Thank you Hops......
Since I have no brothers or sisters all these years.......and I didn't even know what it felt like to have healthy parents......or at least understanding ones......
I really appreciate you......and all you have expressed to me....
so so grateful
Love, Bettyanne (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

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