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2021 Farm Log

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sKePTiKal:
Nothing much to share - lots of little mundane chores and lots of sleep; struggles still with figuring out "taking care o' business" stuff with local situation here.

Now is a good time to buy seeds - if you can find 'em. There are a lot of places still/just now reporting they're sold out. I can't plant out until May; March for some things like snow peas. But there's still plenty of stuff to do. Keeping my eyes peeled for canning jar flats - they are still showing non-existent or backordered everywhere I looked. I have jars and a supply of reusable flats (Tattlers). Need to get Hol a couple of canners; faster processing and twice as much put up.

Slowly but surely transitioning wardrobe & "style" to something more suited to my life here on the farm. Saved that for last this time. Still purging; making room & changes for Buck... and still no firm eta from him. I do a few things a day and then read, research ideas/questions about things going on out here, read myself to sleep.

ETA: I forgot; I did make one change with B. I did insist we needed to actually talk at least once a week - not just messages. And it's been more than once a week since. Which is good. He's been working his butt off and moving things along as fast as he can. It's something I need; otherwise I feel like I'm guessing what's going on with him too much. This feels more connected for me.  ;)

Hopalong:
Amber, sometimes I wish you were a reality show!
I would love to watch your life (the parts you'd want to share), because so many of my interests (sustainability, independence, back-to-land and off-grid and all that) line up. I've spent hours watching series about intensely independent people living and surviving in dire climates. So it's just fun to read your accounts of what you're doing and planning. Although the volume of your plans is overwhelming to this speciliast in doing waaaaaaaaaay less than floaty thinking.

Meanwhile, after I googled Tattlers, couldn't resist:
https://www.amazon.com/Tattler-Canning-Regular-Mouth-Boxed/dp/B08NMYR1HX/ref=asc_df_B08NMYR1HX/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=475819885347&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9456845189831691859&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9008335&hvtargid=pla-1123619574611&p

I'm glad you and B will talk at least weekly. That is much more connected, no amount of texting can match the present voice. I'd figured surely you were already, but people have different appetites for different kinds of communication. Holding big hopes for you that the delays eventually just get worked through.

It's heartening to read about your work and your progress.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
It's important to note - and remind myself  :D - that none of this would be possible or bearable if I hadn't achieved the (probably dubious) ability to be completely FINE - emotionally, cognitively, and work-wise - all on my own. Back when I envisioned actually living here, shortly after being widowed, I believed enough in my abilities to try it out.

Found out, sometimes I really need physical strength that I just don't have - even though TRYING to have it, has increased what I can do. Sometimes I can work smarter - via powered equipment and that helps. But even with all the stuff I have to till the garden, I still need the broadfork and bending over, picking up, & tossing rocks into a cart that gets dumped on the nearby rock piles. Steps up to living, working & playing places - and the hike between buildings - all contribute to me getting stronger again.

Bodies have this elastic ability to regain some measure of what we once were, but it takes work and time and even rest, to make it so. The other direction however happens really really fast. Hol has started to notice it in herself.

The emotional & cognitive side of things are amenable to about the same process - most of the time. Yeah, I still have low level anxiety any time I have to deal with gov't bureaucracy and the absurd process changes that have occurred over my lifetime... but it no longer results in the angry hostility & frustration and feeling like to the people involved I'm just a number; not a real person. Official mail just about spikes an anxiety attack - but doesn't anymore. Defensiveness rises up.... but I've learned to take my time making sure I understand clearly what the situation is, and then figure out what needs to happen - and then work constructively to that end.

That's gonna get tested pretty soon, as I return to the financial side of the business again. The company has never had nor needed a budget; we operate pretty much on a cash basis, funded by plentiful sales. There was always surplus. But now we have to have some idea of balancing how much we spend on certain things, a better understanding of where our sales are really coming from and some better web marketing. I gather data, assess it, create a plan - and then consult my intuition (that small voice that keeps us safe) - about whether this risk has been calculated, well enough. At that point, I can stop and do more research/planning or let it fly.

Once I do the business budget, I need to go over my personal finances again. Yeah - people with my adjusted gross income can be super-frugal too. This is how I can do all the things I do. I decided a very very long time ago that security mattered. My definition of that has changed over time - and right now, self-sufficiency is the general idea. Over the 4 years I've been here - I've slowly let go all the "country club wardrobe" that was taking up space I needed for base layers, sweatshirts, jean, & overalls. My "go to town" wardrobe is much simpler & casual.

EVERYTHING around and about me, adapts to the choices I've made about what's important to me. And that's why I'm less troubled about whether or how much I matter to anyone else. Does that make any kind of sense?

Hopalong:

--- Quote ---none of this would be possible or bearable if I hadn't achieved the (probably dubious) ability to be completely FINE - emotionally, cognitively, and work-wise - all on my own. Back when I envisioned actually living here, shortly after being widowed, I believed enough in my abilities to try it out.
--- End quote ---

I don't have many words tonight...but I'm connecting the believing to the trying.

Again, thank you. I really am taking it in.

Thanks, Amber.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Hopsie - I believed it because I had lived this kind of life several times previously. The only thing that was different, was starting out alone. And even when this was only 10 acres, that seemed a daunting proposition. So I found solutions to difficulty & making projects easier/faster. Unlike a lot of design types who superimpose "what they envision" on the landscape - destroying it without taking into consideration the effects of their changes - I spent the first two years just looking at, sensing it through the seasons, experiencing it and LISTENING to what it wanted to be.

Learning where the water runs; where the springs are; what useful "weeds" grew here - and what those weeds told me about soil composition... which I then researched in depth. I had to overcome the first imprinted image of "beautiful farms" in my brain. The two-story house, bank barn, white board fences.... and super-tidy, lush green fields and yards and pastures etc. That is simply not possible here because the topography is too steep; soil extremely rocky - topsoil preciously thin. Pretty much like my first homestead was.

S has taken my approach a lot further - because he is trekking paths through the property and discovering lots of things in places I can't drive the ranger to - and I'm not getting up off my butt to try to climb and sprain an ankle again or worse. At least, until Buck goes with me.

Each place on the earth is different and requires a different way of living with it. It's a connection - and when a human can be sympatico with that spot - the connection gives back significantly. The previous (in the last 50 years) owners of this property didn't have that mindset or approach and I've had to spend a big chunk of time undoing the "resort" or "vacation home" aspects that become impediments/detriments or even blights on my purpose for the place.

I am just getting started after getting my house closer to being updated/more snug - still much to do, but priorities are constantly changing around here. Adding people with their ideas hasn't been THAT problematic; I still have issues with the basic habits of the supposed "green man" here - but it's Hol's job to police that not mine. Buck and I got trained early in the same habits so that's a LOT easier. But the ratio of people to land that will support them here - isn't anywhere close to where it is in the Piedmont or Valley or Tidewater. So I have to keep paying attention to that. Right now, almost all of us are happy being hermits - Hol is making the transition pretty well this time too.

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