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2021 Farm Log

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Hopalong:
Me, too and me, neither.

Never learned to ride but looooved riding on the back.

Not any more, after working in a medical center for years. Also watching a good friend with a bike addiction hurt himself badly, months of rehab, then he was at it again (after swearing off). That's when I saw the experience as not just dangerous but for some, addictive. Doctors convinced me. They were manly and competent and felt no shame whatsoever about ruling out bikes. ("Course, they skied...") Nobody's consistent anyway. I'm probably taking more risk NOT exercising.

Bikes are FUN, no question. But some thrills don't make sense to me any more.
Nothing to prove; I embrace my truthful wussitude. Just wanna stay alive!

Boring ol'...
Hops

sKePTiKal:
I was still in my 20s back then; the girls were little. I rode for a total of 3 years (didn't trust anyone enough to ride on the back - shivers!!!!) and then decided to quit because there were other things I wanted to do in my life. I was light, fast, and strong enough to be pretty good. But I saw what lurked in liking to go fast, too. Just wasn't going to work in my life game-plan THEN, and probably not now either.

Not that long ago, maybe 12 years ago? - I signed up for the safety course. I was seriously "thinking" about getting my license again. Aced the written test because of my previous experience. Then we practiced on the little 125s in the parking lot. During lunch break, a Harley dropped across the road from the parking lot - and a group of us when to kill the engine, right the bike and help out the guy - thankfully not seriously hurt; just shaken. Think he just hit one of those notoriously unpredictable patches of gravel on asphalt. And then I started playing around with the tiny bike....  :rolleyes:   Yeah, I could slide stop; even putting the front wheel directly in a 2x2 chalk box after running the gears & redlining those almost-minibikes. I was having a blast and royally irritating the instructors.

Then came the "ride the box" exercise. Very tight space, mustn't put a foot down, had to go slow and controlled.  I'd just gotten bifocals a year or so before. :(  Couldn't do it. I still passed, with a lot of personal warnings. But because I couldn't ride the box, even with a really light small bike... I let it go. Either ya can do everything or you can't. I couldn't do that one thing. That bike was 300 lbs lighter than my favorite street bike.

I enjoyed riding immensely, but I didn't have a death wish. I've seen way too many permanent disabilities and deaths due to bikes. Lots more of life to explore and enjoy. But it's great to say "I used to..."

sKePTiKal:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... solitude.
It is still a wonderful thing to me. Even at the price of taking care of H&S's dogs.

I have done a whole lot of NOTHING this week, except to let everything in my head bubble up - look at it - and either make decisions about it or let it go. Maybe those two things are more similar than I think they are.

I'm sleeping. LOTS of sleep. Again - wonderful. It's slowly having an effect on the massive "tiredness" I experience daily. I'm still "doing" of course, but very low level stuff. Haven't even picked up B's jeans to work on them again.

And yet - I noticed I'm all of a sudden super-chatty. Uh, whut's that about? I think it's ancient, in terms of my being conditioned into a support-role in the FOO. My wicker basket I hide under is getting pretty ratty by now. See, me being me - and letting that shine out - and just BEING - is kinda the "last" taboo on the list. One that by now, should've (in my way of seeing things) been eradicated by now.

I think "hiding my light under a bushel basket" is how I resolve my inner conflict - over wanting to HELP and yet, being aware of my own needs, limitations, boundaries, etc. So that taboo is bubbling up now in my awareness - now that there are long stretches of quiet again; no one is coming to me with their drama; and my time isn't full of "OPPs" - other people's problems. Even B is being quiet right now, after I called him out on being anxious & in a hurry to get moved here.   :D   I can feel it, in some weird sense, day & night. That won't last long. He shifts gears so fast & often, it's hard to keep up. But that keeps life interesting.

My day today is all shifted, since I slept in till 10 am. But that's OK; I really wasn't sleepy till after midnight last night. Not that I was actively engaged in anything... just being. It will be OK; I can't get into the post office till 2 pm anyway now - they close the lobby between 1-2 for lunch. Yeah, life in the country.  :D

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee. Doesn't sound exciting; not like the previous ramblings about riding motorcycles anyway. But this is just as thrilling to me. More deeply satisfying and tending to my "self". Yeah, I have housework to do. The temps are dropping and I've let the outside stuff slide till now - but it's been raining too. And I have a chance to not even worry about the stuff on the list, that "isn't done yet".

OKAY THEN.... onwards.   :D

Hopalong:
Sounds genuinely exciting to me, Amber, because it sounds so HEALTHY.

Wow. Something good is happening.

I am so very glad you are both slowing down and opening up.

I'm just really glad to read this.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Concrete for the shop is here.

Really glad I fell asleep earlier last night; it was 6:30 when I heard the first of the big trucks pull in. But this concrete is really important. Perfect conditions to pour, too - then it should cure for 2 weeks. B says unless he gets laid low by pain... he can be here in 30 days. Permanently.

He's upset with the new docs. For all the reasons others complain too. Some of it is anxiety, some of it is just the monumental change of this move for him. One doc has drug her feet about making an appt for him - she can't decide if she'll accept his referral. It's been a month of waiting. He's afraid it won't get approved in DC by his insurance people. And I understand his trepidation there. I mentioned pain; he had a tough week last week that way. And all any ER (none of his old docs will see him now) will prescribe is 800mg of ibuprofen for him. Which is causing stomach problems.

Sigh. I'm at a loss. There really aren't any good painkillers in the herbal world - nothing that's actually a nervine, something to calm the nerves down. So my next exploration is going to be the neuro side of pain... and while it might not help as much as he wants it to... it WILL let him DO something himself to lower the pain levels. I know it bothers him a lot, to be dependent on docs... and I know when he has too much time to think (he's had a lot of rain lately) the pain gets worse. I know he's up & down all night - and usually doesn't get a lot of sleep. None of that is healthy.

I'm open to any suggestions y'all might be able to come up with. I have looked into wild lettuce, a little, but I'm not seeing the kind of supporting data that might make this an option for him. I guess there's always the placebo effect. It does make a huge difference for him, when there's someone around him actively caring about him. So that's an indicator to me, that I might could find some useful ideas/tools on the neuro side of things. The other one, is to get him to finally understand that he's not 30 yrs old anymore... but that requires some more delicate "adjustment" of his ideas and attitudes. But he absolutely will NOT just sit still and be "disabled" for the remainder of his life. Hard-headed man. But that's one of the things I find attractive about him.

My lollygagging days are about at an end, now. I think we've broken the streak of super-hot days finally. It hung on a little last week. Lots of mowing & trimming to do. Hol's got another 2 weeks of work, then a week over Halloween to cover someone's vacation. I'm having to intermittently dogsit, since S has work he's going out to as well. I'll bring the pups up here end of the week to simplify things. It's time to push on to winter chores... and I should finally clean out the woodstove downstairs... LOLOLOLOL.

Didn't get very far on Christmas shopping yet; I do have a freezer coming for Hol this week.

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