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2021 Farm Log

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Hopalong:
A yi YIIIII!

Did B. have his appointments or get turned away from them?


Chewing toenails with loud cud noises...

Hops

sKePTiKal:
He got the MRIs done last week. Yesterday's appt was with Infectious Disease doc up in my college stomping grounds - and when he got the call from next week's appt that "everything" was approved, he accepted that it included yesterday's too. But she's in a different hospital system; says not approved... so her "liability was too great" to see him, even on his private insurance. (Still trying to figure that out.) And she said with him liviing at such a distance she couldn't treat him at home - not licensed in that state. He is perfectly willing to stay here as long as it takes.

When we see the back doc next week, he'll hear about this and perhaps can refer him to a doc at his hospital instead of out of the system.

So, the infectious disease appt (and treatment) is the most important piece of the puzzle. Reason being, he already knows he'll need surgery again to implant a new pump. And the infection can't exist during surgery. SOP.

I'm thinking that getting him moved here simplifies things. I don't know that for a fact, it just seems like it would. We'll see what help the spine doc is next week.

sKePTiKal:
(cont'd)....

Emotionally, it seems I'm going through the rollercoaster again. Reminiscent of Mike's medical odyssey. I understand B's anger over this; the frustration; the knowledge that he's followed all the rules (insurance stuff) and some non-medical person state's away can approve or deny medical appointments - at their whim & discretion. It's why it feels like there's something we don't know - yet. Someone has clearly conditioned him to believe that his anger isn't an appropriate emotion... given how apologetic and contrite he is when he expresses it. He said & did nothing that was out of the range of normal yesterday.

When asked if there is anything that can be done to rectify the situation and be able to proceed... saying "I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do under the circumstances" isn't particularly helpful. I let him say his piece and donned my professional armor; winking at the nurse bearing the bad news and smiling and thanking her on our way out the door. It's not her decision or fault. And I was just as angry and upset as B; we both know that clearing the infection is necessary to get to the surgery required.

And left untreated, his health is deteriorating. Now it's stomach issues - he thinks due to infection in abdominal cavity putting pressure on his stomach. We're working around that with mini-meals and eating several extra times a day - and supplementing with Boost.

But unlike my first "rodeo" he continues to stay hopeful, working at problemsolving, cheerful, sweet & funny. Being physically active & mentally busy helps him manage pain levels - as long as he doesn't overdo it. We've been taking turns cooking. The shop is a little closer to being done too.

After Monday's appt, we'll start making plans -- or adjusting -- or whatever we need to do.

Hopalong:
B is so lucky that he's no longer going through this endless health and pain trial alone. Incredibly fortunate.

You are alive with having him to care for and understand. And lord knows you've taken on some tough ones.

I hope all of this bonds you both, maintains his autonomy and dignity, and comes to a beautiful balance of giving and receiving. He needs to independently make decisions but you are so good at research and processing information (which he must be exhausted by), I imagine you as an ideal partner for him in this chapter of his life.

Don't forget to just be you, Amber. Be you as more important than being in charge. Or even fixing it all. B may be only partly fixable (infection, damage, etc.). But you've already figured out how to love him.

That's the deepest pain relief there is. Continue wise boundaries and your separate self. Know that no matter what, his understandable frustration Is NEVER To Be Taken Out On You. (I know you know that, but in the depth of The Project, keep that boundary always....)

MUCH hope for you guys. Remember kindly: This is such a new scene for you. Take really good mindful care of yourself no matter what is happening with or to dear B.

Your first relationship is and always must be with yourself. (I know you know.)

hugs
Hops

lighter:
At this point..... it's simply heinous fockery, imo.

There are hoops B must jump through, fine.

But setting hidden, unknowable hoops, under the circumstances particularly, is hf.

B is a very special person to maintain his attitude and intestinal fortitude the way he does. 

You're both due some human kindness and help from unexpected places, ime.

::Sending healing light and prayers::.

Lighter

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