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Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist

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Meh:
For quite a while I pretty much suspected I've got a PD of some sort, I think it would be almost impossible to have two parents with Narcissism and not end up with the same.

So, I'm pretty sure I'm on the Narcissism spectrum like covert/vulnerable variation of Narcissism. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that right now. Maybe I will read about it or something eventually when I get around to it.

I mean I've kind of figured it but I never fully put the name to it.

lighter:
Mouse:

I'm not going to inalidate your conclusion.

I am going to ask you why you believe you're on the N spectrum opposed to having fleas after a childhood raised with N parents.
 
Without judgment,  what are your thoughts?

Lighter

Meh:
Oh Hello there, Lighter,

That's okay, I don't feel invalidated with the question.

Deep Sigh. I'm in a mode of emotional exhaustion and sometimes I feel like communicating and other times I feel like I don't have any words.

Lets see, mainly descriptions of Covert/Vulnerable Narcissism fits me pretty well I think. To be more specific, I'd have to go and look at the list again closely but **shame** is a big one, covert Narcissists are dominated by shame and this rings a bell if I really reflect honestly. I'm also introverted/avoidant/"loner" type. I probably have lack of empathy at times, I don't know.

While back the idea of HSP/Highly sensitive person also came about, I've not dug into it to see if it's been debunked or whatnot but it was said that some people have a personality trait of being HSP. HSP sounds a lot like covert Narcissism to me, yet they could be two different things, I'm not expert.

Narcissism is all about one's emotional development and whatnot.

I don't mind calling myself a Narcissist if I am, I've got a stronger interest in understanding myself than trying to be something I'm not.

I think I will write more later.

Getting a real full psych evaluation early on in life would have been a nice thing, I've always felt "off" in some way. I think having experimented with anti-depressants when I was younger was a bit of a coverup really. So now many years later anyhow  I've still got doubts about my own makeup.

sKePTiKal:
I would be careful just sticking a label to myself, even if you recognize you have some of the traits in the description, because part of the diagnostic process is determining self-awareness of the issue, whether one has any self-control/ability to work toward change, etc.

The other reason I wouldn't recommend that, is because I'm aware there's a way that some children of N's - especially those hooked in the mini-me syndrome - take on some of the parent's attitudes and behaviors as a kind of protective camoflauge. The parent's self-esteem is based on the little apple not falling far from the tree, right? So the kid unconsciously mirrors the parent to HIDE THEIR TRUE SELF, from the flip side of incurring the irrational wrath of the N... simply for being themselves and different from the N.

Meh:
Thanks for the reply Skep.

Technically I can't truly self-diagnose because I'm not an expert. For practical reasons though sometimes one needs to self-diagnose I think. People informally self-diagnose all the time.

Long time back I read about adult children of Alcoholics and I thought yeah that's me.

If I were to combine ACOA/HSP/Covert Narcissism. So adult children of alcoholics, highly sensitive people, Covert Narcissism, Anxiety, Depression, well whatever the case may be it's not a healthy individual, it's a picture of something neurotic.

I could just say "I'm neurotic" I've got a complicated correlation to my interest in the cult/political/brain washing stuff. I'm essentially high on the neurotic-of-some-type scale and combining that with any sort of indoctrination it's just a clusterferk.

As always I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I just ramble to get my thoughts and feelings out.

We aren't supposed to admit that something is wrong with us, people are meant to save face, wield credibility.

The person I want to believe I am, how I want to see myself might not be the same as how I actually am. I'd rather not do denial to myself in a world with so many layers of fabrication and denial etc.

I do get your point that it seems negative to slap a label on.

This sounds strange, when I imagine the "inner child" I also image a lot of violence. It's an odd message to come from my inmosphere.

Maybe I'm a lot more insecure than I ever allowed myself to admit to.

There was something about a comment said to me, a person pointed out that she thought I was probably very sensitive and she said "I bet you're an artist." I'm not trying to read too much into it, it's just that I'm not even aware of the vibe I put off to the world. I've has other friends say that to me out of the blue "sensitive." I don't really see sensitive as a complement especially if I'm also rather unempathetic(maybe), again I think sensitive is a socially acceptable way of saying a person has a neurotic vibe. Bleh. I'm tired thinking about it. There are just times when I think my self-perception is so incomplete and off the mark of reality. Maybe I just want to get my self-perception inline with who I am instead of the way I want to see myself.

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