Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
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Phyll:
Thank you Hero Members and Newbie - You all make excellent points on which I am pondering. I am in my gathering information and support phase. I at least figure I can continue that phase until I can get rid of the quad cane and can carry a box if need be! The minute I think I can stay in this the next thing I know is I cannot. Then there is the need to use my voice! I appreciate all your experience. Thank you so much! Keep it coming and I will continue to share.
Phyll:
Hi all, I wanted to get back to you regarding your thoughtful comments and specific questions that were asked in this thread. After this I will likely start a new thread.
Twoapenny - Yes, I am feeling better physically. Still using the quad cane - but more for balance now than support. I see the surgeon tomorrow for a follow-up. Thursday I see the infectious disease specialist. I completed all of the oral antibiotics and hope to have confirmed what I suspect, that the Lyme's disease was caught early and is easily treated.
The neighbor is indeed disturbed. From what I gather, he may have been like this for years, but his wife died a year before his stalking behavior started (did I mention he mostly walked at night in the pitch dark?). I think she sort of kept him in line. She had dementia the last few years and he cared for her at home. It is fortunate I was not able to get in the middle of all that and try to help them - that would have been right up my alley!
lighter - Not flippant at all, and I have walked through that same what if regarding selling the house. It is a buyer's market right now. There are a number of unfinished projects W has started, not finished, with supplies purchased all over the place... I realize a home can sell regardless. And thank you for acknowledging that everyone needs empathy.
sKePTiKal - I would not necessarily call this a rural subdivision. The gravel road leading to the home from the county highway is a logging road. There are 2 miles past state and county land before reaching the "subdivision." You are correct - folks generally keep to themselves. Most of the parcels around here are summer and/or hunting cottages . I have 6.7 acres. We currently have 5 full time residents including us, 2 of which became permanent within the last year.
Hopalong - Good question but no, I wanted to move here. I owned a 2 bedroom ranch on a golf course in the city for 17 years. It was my idea to move to the country. I bought a house about 30 miles out in the midst of farm fields. We learned Big Ag was not consistent with the organic principals we tried to use. Lots of CAFOs and contaminated wells getting closer so we bailed. We looked a long time to find this place. A little further out than I thought I wanted, but since I was a teleworker it really did not matter how far away I lived.
I do have friends and family who are willing to help me, but my brothers each live 3 hours away in different directions. No one who would just let me move in I don't think! Have to say I sure miss my Mom. I have my AA community, a retreat this fall I hope to attend, and a friend found a Women's AlAnon Zoom meeting last night that we participated in.
CB - Yes, putting physical health first is necessary. Last night the Al-Anon topic was self-care. Today another friend shared something about extracting oneself from a toxic person is the ultimate in self care. I so hope I can be strong enough to do that. I really got myself in deep this time.
Tonight W complained when I told him I had appointments with 2 health care providers tomorrow. He is taking prednisone (which probably does not help his moods) for an autoimmune disorder. I also told him I have jury duty in August (the judge let me postpone it twice). He says I am going to bring home the delta variant of covid to him, he is going to die, and I will be alone - that he better finish all these projects.
I assured him I would take all necessary precautions. Then he said he hopes he dies and accused me of not showing empathy. It is all about him and he's right, I don't feel much empathy.
I even cancelled a hair appt. for the morning - (1st one in 18 months) to get rid of this pandemic hairstyle. I did it because although I am fully vaccinated - I do not want to get sick at all right now after this hip surgery and Lymes disease!
Thanks for "listening."
Twoapenny:
I'm glad your physical health is heading in the right direction, Phyll, I think it's harder to deal with emotional stuff if you have physical stuff going on as well. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the Lyme's has been treated quickly!
Do you think your hubby has always been this way or has he become more morose or selfish more recently? Sometimes it's hard, I think, we can live with someone for years and not really notice some of the things they say or do. Then suddenly something happens and it's like someone pulled the blinds up and you can see clearly for the first time. I think it's good that you're noticing, anyway, and looking for ways to deal with it. I hope you can get a haircut soon! Mine looked like someone had planted a bush on my head :) Lol. I hope the deranged neighbour continues to stay away xx
Phyll:
I thought I ought to add to my story that I married W so he would have health insurance. I previously was able to cover him through my employer as a domestic partner, but they dropped that after domestic partners could marry legally. It was a few months later that W developed the polymyalgia.
Twoapenny - There have been issues with W that I became aware of early in our relationship - when I was no longer perfect in his eyes and thrown off the pedestal. It seems baffling why I stayed with him, but I know it has everything to do with my codependency. It is most recently that I realized he lacks the capacity for empathy.
Hopalong:
I wonder if the steroids have cause a personality change in W?
But you did say, verbally abusive and controlling were evident early on?
I'm so sorry.
You must feel stuck but I also hear a whole lot of strength in you.
You don't deserve this, and I hope you can gather as much strength as you need to decide what your next chapter is going to be about -- placating W or fulfilling P?
hugs
Hops
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