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I need help .......with my husband died

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Bettyanne:
I am having a hard time  almost a year later......since my husband died.  He was a kind and loving husband.  We both enjoyed being together.   
He was brought up in a alcoholic family.......when he died he was sober for the past 35 years.......omg I was so proud of him.  Its not easy when you come from what he did.  His parents made their own booz.......
I miss him everyday........
I miss talking-to him.....
I miss seeing him....
I miss him so so much...........
we were married almost 56 years and were together 4 years before that....plus six kids too........
Thank you dear friends for any replies..
Love, Bettyanne

lighter:
I'm so sorry you're missing your darling husband so much, (((Bettyeanne.)))

He sounds like an amazing person and husband..... father.....to have have shared a life with.
 Sober 35 years is something to be proud of.  You were lucky to have each other. 

You know we're always here for you.  Feel free to share any favorite moments with Bill....anything you miss in particular.  If you speak with him.... tell him everything you'd like to share with him,.... tell him about who you are, now..... that might be helpful for you.  Or write letters to him....just to get it out and put it into the world so it's not bouncing around inside...... it can come into the light, with you.


If you haven't found any 3D support, I hope you do.  There are many people going through what you're going through. At different stages, able to share what's helped them.  Having someone in 3D, along with us and your children, might be helpful, dear one.

What are your days like?  How are you doing, Bettanne?

Lighter

Hopalong:
Hi Bettyanne --
So glad you checked in but I'm very sorry to hear your sorrow, natural as it is.

I think you may hear from other widowed people that there is a special wave of grief on or around "anniversaries" -- and here you are about a year after losing your dear Bill. I imagine it's so painful, but he's right there next to your heart.

I like what Lighter suggests about sharing Bill stories, even if we all wipe away some tears along with you. I'd love to hear more about him. What a brave man, to be sober for 35 years.

I'll bet part of the reason he did that was he so wanted to enjoy more of his life with you.

How is your living situation? Still with your daughter?

Sometimes it can help to talk about the daily stuff, too.

hugs and comfort,
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Bettyanne - yes, it can still hurt after a year or three or more. (And no, it doesn't HAVE to - and no, that doesn't mean you loved any less. Everyone processes loss differently.) Grief won't make you insane if you let it wash over you when it comes up. Give it it's due; feel it; understand that the measure of grief is equal to your capacity to love.

And in time, at your own pace, turn your inner sight from mourning what is in the past toward who you are now and want to be in the future. It doesn't dishonor what was; what meant so much to you; to turn back toward life, love & living your best "now".

There isn't much help in trying to block thoughts and feelings of you and Bill. But neither do you gain much by hanging on so tight to them that you squeeze the life out what was an important relationship and prevent yourself from taking this opportunity to grow into this new phase of "you". (That's not selfish, self-absorbed, or any of that. You are here and he is not; he is not coming back - you have to take care of, nurture, and comfort yourself now.)

IMO - for what it's worth - Hops' suggestion about joining a support group for surviving spouses has merit and opportunity. Meeting new people, hearing their stories about the loss and how they process it, and what they're doing now... can be strengthening and give you new perspective.

I can tell you my process, but since I found love again (and I have some ideas about why that happened; maybe fantasies is a better word) I wasn't sure you have the interest in hearing about it. It was 3 years after losing Mike when it happened. And 5 years later, I don't love Mike any less - but he's no longer in my life; and I was perfectly content to live out the end of my days without another man. I didn't have a completely detailed plan of what I was going to do during that time. I didn't really have any inclinations toward anything other than making the farm a reality. Loving Buck, doesn't take any shred of love away from what Mike & I had. It's different! B is different; I'm different... than I was when I met M and during the 15 years together.

Phyll:
Hi Bettyanne,

I'm new to the group and am glad to hear about the wonderful life you enjoyed with your husband. I too grew up in an alcoholic home, and have enjoyed over 32 years of sobriety.  I have not been lucky at love however, and that is in a large part why I am here.

I am going to a funeral service this weekend.  My brother lost his wife shortly after their 51st anniversary and he is so sad.  It must be devastating to lose someone who was such a big part of your life.

Grief comes in waves IME, and I have learned it helps to embrace it.  Thank you for reaching out and sharing how you feel.  The Hero Members here have made some great suggestions, and I too would love to hear more about your life with Bill.

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