Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

My husband has been dead over a year now...........omg

(1/3) > >>

Bettyanne:
Hi dear friends.......

I wish I could  say I am good.......but I miss my husband Bill so so much.......
I've been with him since I was 16 and he basically saved my life from what I was living with my immediate family.....if I can even call them a family a bunch of nut cases.  I am lucky I survived years of craziness to put it mildly.

I miss Bill so so much.........I came from Irish and British back ground.....I am not trying to put them down but they were so dysfunctional is putting it mildly.  My grandmother who was born in Ireland to a large family could not write or read.....
that doesn't make her bad but her screaming and yelling was a lot to put up with to put it mildly.  Never mind that my mother if you want to call her that?? left her mother to take care of my retarded brother who could only sit, have no control over his bowels, he could only laugh or cry not talking at all......and take convulsions often.

My first five years of life was spent in a day nursery........that's saying a lot........I didn't have my own bed until I was 14 and before that I slept with my dad, retired brother......and my mother slept on the sofa.......the run away from everything person ......she told people how her hands were full.......full with what?  wanting nothing to do with her son, me or my dad.  Not to mention my crazy grandmother........omg.

I raised six kids with my husband Bill my mother never helped me .......other then to take one of kids on a trip......what joke that was never really doing anything with them. yicks..........yicks

I will continue this later.........I am trying to recover best I can from the lost of my husband Bill and an insane childhood.

Hopalong:
Hi ((((Bettyanne))))) --

It's good to hear from you; I'd been wondering how you're doing.

It sounds like in addition to grieving your loss of dear Bill, you're also re-living all the cruelties and hardships of your childhood.

Are you okay with re-living it over and over? What do you think you could do to get some serious support so you could find some peace? I think you deserve to feel some inner peace.

I hope you might consider finding counseling. Even on Zoom, it's a huge help.

What do you think you're going to do?

hugs
Hops

lighter:
((Bettyanne))
You tell your story till it's all out in the sunshine.

Feel compassion for your younger self and current self.  Be very kind, always, with you.

Lighter

Hopalong:
Lighter's right, Bettyanne.
It doesn't matter how often you need to tell what happened with your mother and brother and childhood. Each telling might help ease the pain.

I know I/we can't fix it. I just yearn for you to have support where and as you are, in the real world. Getting older and being in your stage of life without that, while still missing Bill so much, sounds so difficult to me. But maybe I'm assuming and you've been in a grief group for a while. I hope so.

Hope you'll post more often and tell it here too.

hugs
Hops

Bettyanne:
Hi dear friends..........
I think I never over came what I lived with because I ended up one time in a private small type of place for mentally ill people ........I was 24 at the time.  I got some help but not what I really needed.......I am 78 now and realize I was never told to get that women out of my life......yes that was the answer I needed.......I am with a psychologist who for the past 10 years has never said to me get away from her.......I realize I needed to separate myself from my so called mother who never really was one.  When I married Bill when I was 21. She really was the main cause of everything that happened to me as a child and older ........what was wrong with these psychologist all these years?? your all right in saying I need real help not someone just listening to me and the women I go to has a PHD.........yicks  It really means nothing does it???

Bill being gone is the worst really.........he was a good man and had a similar background family wise as myself......Irish mother born in Donegal.  She was crazy too........she favored her younger son over my husband who could not have been nicer to her.......what can you do?  nothing really but get away from them which we didn't do.

Yes I  really needed someone especially the therapist I was seeing to tell me to be strong and get these people out of your life......well they are gone now and they are dead........but I realize I needed to get them out of my life when I was younger.....like at least age 21.....and never see them again......ever ever ever

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page