Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
mental health
sKePTiKal:
I understand Hops. That would be a bit challenging & counterproductive for someone like you.
So, a smaller class - and truly, my experience with it included a lot of people who zigged when they should've zagged, wobbled, and had diffficulty assuming various of the positions. Yes, that included me too. The point of a beginner at anything isn't that you'll master it in so many weeks - it's that you try because it feels good or is helping in ways that aren't even noticeable at the beginning.
It sounds like your instructor was an excellent source of the "art" - but didn't work with individuals with limitations or seeking specific outcomes. I trained alongside a woman with back injuries/surgeries similar to B's -- who is now teaching the main long form classes. Yeah, it took her years. Our teacher treated each student as different people with different goals and challenges and helped them find the path to gaining their goals - so that while we were learning the positions and refinements to our physical expression of them - we were also engaged in a lot of individual training on the aspect(s) we were seeking.
After the first year, I noticed my stamina had increased and I didn't struggle to get through a two-hour class anymore. I had learned how to manage my breathing through the physical movements. Muscles got a tad stronger so that I could hold a position long enough for the teacher to check/correct 20-30 students individually. It is the slow gradual improvement that is the value in this - NOT the ability to become a chorus girl and remember which way to turn every single time that is the goal here. It's the personal benefits from the learning; not how well you perform.
After 4 years, I decided to study for the ranking test. More classes per week, Sat classes for knowledge based instruction & discussion. My competitive streak woke up and I wasn't even repeating the order of the positions in my head anymore - my body knew what to do. And in the physical performance my brain completely skipped a whole section and I got way ahead of my testing partner. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. End of test. The look of shock & disappointment on my teacher's face was even worse than how I beat myself up in the moment. But we talked about it after, several times. I was having a most unusual mental experience that totally distracted me in the order of the positions that was worth not passing the ranking. I was practically speaking, not in my body, in the moment my body jumped ahead of the order.
Not exactly on my list of goals or expected outcomes from all the extra work - but I couldn't exactly call it a "failure" either.
I've worked with Chinese instructors - they tend to teach the whole class at once and not work with the individual for therapeutic goals. Cultural difference maybe? Dunno.
Anyway, I'm still convinced you would benefit if you could find a different kind of teacher and a smaller class group. It was the easiest, most enjoyable, and beneficial suggestion I could make for stamina and strength for you.
Hopalong:
Sounds like you had an amazing experience with it, Amber. I'm glad you got to do that!
Instructor wasn't Chinese and is very well respected here. I've known several people who've studied with him for years.
I don't know if I'll try tai ji again but nothing's etched in stone. Right now I'm more focused on renewing walking strength. Simple walks are easier to approach for me so I'm making short "walk dates" with friends whenever I can.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
My niece calms herself with UPLIFT Delta 8 CANDY she buys from a holistic store run by a woman who recovered from cancer. They're over the counter- legal, so no legal or Rx worries.
Niece said she cuts the gummies in quarters and experiences all the mellow with none of the paranoia of marijuana.....no brain fog, she can think clearly, but I'm sure it's an individual thing. Something to consider, perhaps.
Green packaging. The larger container is better buy. You might find them in a local smoke shop if interested.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Thanks, Lighter. I could, but...as ever I research everything, and since I have both arrythmia and anxiety from time to time (both possible side effects of THC), unfortunately I don't think THC is for me.
I'm just one of those boring people who doesn't partake of things made by unregulated manufacturers. It limits my options but I've had some bad drug reactions in the past (remember, a huge panic attack was why I quit weed).
https://www.hempgrower.com/article/fda-cdc-issue-warnings-on-delta8-thc/
Thank you for trying to help and offering this idea anyway! THAT does wonders.
hugs
Hops
Hopalong:
I'm doing better today, though night-time is still rough. I've been amazed at how the "old" levels of anxiety surged back this fall. Very unpleasant but I'm hanging in.
I'm seeing people as much as I can manage. Not sure my doctor is as focused as I need, so with sorrow (I like him a lot) I may be searching for a new GP. I think this time I may seek out a female, one who's not retiring soon. There's one doc at the big hospital who's both female, younger, and specializes in the geriatric population. I'm not quite there yet but think it'd be proactive to get into her practice.
This morning I went to look at a possible apartment we (church team) are trying to secure for our Afghan refugee family. It's sooo complicated, since we won't know until nearly the last minute about the breakdown (family numbers, etc.). The landlord was an ass but buttering him up did help. And the place would be PERFECT. I hope we get it. It felt good to focus on them and get my head out of my own arse.
I'm home again, warm morning with pooch, and sunshine coming in. Yesterday I met a lovely immigrant family (Mexico) who are searching for work and he's going to do some yard stuff. His English is minimal but he brings his bright 9 y/o son. It may be foolish but year over year I feel hopeful about the veggie beds. He's going to rebuild my compost bins and prepare the veggie areas: remove all dead plants, layer on the black gold, then cover it with these cool strips of biodegradable layers of brown paper the grocery delivery folks use to keep cold things cold. I think it'll break down like newsprint but better.
It would be wonderful for my health (mental and physical) this spring if I could garden again. Just work on toning all winter so when it comes time to get up and down over and over and weed and such, I'll be able. Right now, I just can't.
My biggest mental and physical health issue is motivation and will. That's therapy stuff and I think I'm making progress there in tiny increments.
I've been flailing but one thing I do notice is that focusing on someone besides myself is key. Had a long Zoom with poet friend yesterday and worked so hard to wake her out of a kind of torpor she's in. She wants to just float along and sniff the breezes and be poetic, and meanwhile her partner is nasty to her, in failing health, and his felon son just appeared and stayed there for two days. It freaks me out to see her be so passive -- wound up giving her an intense pep talk that she said really helped. But I dunno. Maybe I'm so codependent I just can't see that the reciprocal support I need isn't quite there with her.
Anyhow, mental health wise, I'm not giving up. I've been shocked at the level of fear and anxiety symptoms that appeared again. Something's going on with me that I don't have well defined but I do think there are paths I haven't tried. Even Rx if I HAVE to, but I'm pretty stubborn about that. Life without those side effects has been soooo much better for a couple decades.
I think I know what I need (walk walk walk) but don't know how to unhook the cowardice cycle. When I am short of breath it short-circuits everything else, especially when I'm out on a walk alone. That's a lot better today though. So I'm going to do it even if it's one block!
I almost found a walk buddy but she'd doing it indoors in a busy gym and with covid rising again, I'm not going there. Needs to be big-girl pants, walk anyway with pooch, and stop being such a ninny.
Thanks for listening to this unfocused ramble.
hugs
Hops
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