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mental health

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lighter:
Hops:

Do you feel your chest pain is exacerbated by your emotional distress?

Is it possible the chest pain is created by the distress?

Lighter

Hopalong:
Yes to both, Lighter.

This chicken and egg query is all chicken and all egg, at the same time.

Scrambled!

hugs
Hops

lighter:
If you allowed didn't back off whatever was creating the chest pain..... what would happen?

Would it lead to harm to your vascular system or your heart or would your BG go up up up into crisis or your heart rate increase to unsafe levels?

Would the pain lead to a panic attack or passing out, do you think?

Lighter

Hopalong:
Mercifully, haven't had a panic attack or intense anxiety symptoms in months. I wouldn't go seeking that state in a therapy session now, though. I'm not connected enough to this T for that much vulnerability, though I know many people are able to.

This Friday I have my last heart test (stress PET scan), and I think I'll be feeling a lot better after that's done. Hopefully good news will be very freeing.

I know this T would be pleased if I could work more somatically, but for now the narrative approach is the best I can do. I've been disconnected from my body in too many ways but how I visualize coming back to life in small steps is walking. And trying to keep the RAD (reactive airways) under control.

I'd love to build up to the easy 2 miles I was often doing ten years ago.

hugs
Hops

Hopalong:
I'm not freaking out about it, but I'm thinking about the therapist dilemma. I really am afraid of being hurtful (I can work through that as I know its not my intention), or making the wrong decision. But at one point today, when she looked literally frozen searching for a word, and her struggle was soooo lengthy, I thought: I just need someone with more language skill. When she f.i.n.a.l.l.y spoke, it was to say: "I can't find.....words. It is good to share your feelings." It was so bland that I think it may almost have flipped a decision switch inside. I feel torn because she is very kind and well intentioned, but after four years I think it might be time for a different approach. Then again, I could be sabotaging myself. It's even crossed my mind that there could be a cognitive issue for her. I wish I knew!

I'm going to get up my courage and see the Sikh at least once (out of pocket) to talk about where he thinks therapy could go. And maybe ask a few people if they know of an outstanding female therapist I might try. Might be slim pickings due to the pandemic pressures on mental health providers. It's okay. Not really a crisis decision, because I will be on this path for life. I know sometimes it's good to change practitioners. But it's still daunting -- a little scary.

Last ditch (but I think unlikely) -- I might try to find out if Medicare would allow
me to see her and also the Sikh, alternating weeks. Kind of doubt it. And I don't know whether that's therapeutically wise anyway.

Whew. No decision made, but it helped to write out my vacillations!

hugs
Hops

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