Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
mental health
lighter:
How are the refugees doing, Hops? How is the housing solution going?
Lighter
Hopalong:
Our particular sponsored family has to move out by end of June as rent's being hiked. The families in hotels are at the mercy of whatever the nonprofit can scrabble to find, still waiting (for months).
There truly is a massive affordable housing shortage, and the government subsidy for these refugees doesn't cover the gap.
It's a hard situation that won't get much easier soon.
But I'm glad they can now make clothes.
hugs
Hops
Hopalong:
I've been struggling lately with mental health (worse since the war began). The magical inositol was hugely effective against anxiety symptoms and I was thrilled. But...I began to notice really significant cognitive lapses and memory problems. Not just normal "oops, we all forget stuff" but really striking disorientation and confusion. Pouring white wine in my tea instead of soymilk (understandable, similar bottles side by side). A few days later, shook up a bottle of kefir without the top on, sprayed it everywhere. I set things down and it's an arduous whole-house scan to find them again, as I have zero memory of where I put them down moments before. Scary shit.
I wake up zombified some mornings and feel weird in my head (which triggers stroke fears). I have SOB and chest pain periodically, more in the evenings. Cardiac stress test (chemically induced as he doesn't want me on the treadmill) coming up June 2nd. After that, I figure either:
--they'll find nothing cardiac (so the options I know of are anxiety, esophageal damage from GERD or remotely--since I never wheeze--unusual asthma).
--they'll find some blockage or other, which hopefully could be fixed (STENT or surgery), after which I'd be able to exercise again w/o fear.
I'm grateful to the cardiologist for listening to me (reading my message). I told him: I completely accept this could be aggravated anxiety symptoms, or GERD, or perhaps a lung condition, or something cardiac. But I'm exhausted from not knowing and have developed a phobic fear of exercise, especially alone. Embarrassing but true.
So once I have that test I will KNOW MORE. That's what helps most. Just getting to the reality of what I'm dealing with, symptom wise.
But the cognitive stuff, striking confusion, generally knowing my brain wasn't working right...I finally asked myself, is this due to the big dose of inositol? I cut it by 75% overnight and notice the brain is working better. Don't know why it happened but it does seem the best explanation, as it was the biggest change.
Studies often use huge doses to investigate new substances -- for inositol vs panic, the dose was 18g/day. I took 12g for weeks. Now I'm taking about 2. I'll cut it out entirely if brain fog doesn't go entirely (apart from NORMAL aging effects).
Hasn't been fun. Emotionally/mentally, I've been in rocky shape lately. Dysfunction at home bigger than usual, and I rarely go anywhere.
Socially, despite having people I love, there's still the pattern of FB and texting having taken over. So the phone doesn't ring. Conversations don't happen. The loneliness has become a way of life. So....reaching to Pooch and to crows for some sense of connection. Sad.
Anyway, I am trying to reach out more. I just hate being the ever-initiator. But now's not the time to worry about that.
Re-entry after two years of isolation is proving a big challenge, I'm sure for everyone. I remain the strictest among my friends about risk taking. Omicron is still here, though going down. People right and left still get it and for older folks, it's still dangerous. Booster shots wear off after 4 months so vaccination isn't a gold ticket. I will feel better after Booster #2 once they release it. (Pfizer).
This too will pass and I can get better. Just needed to vent about it. Wish so wish SO wish I had a daily companion. A little 5-minute vent a day, plus a have-your-back human and an occasional hug, would set my world to rights.
Thanks for listening, Amazons.
hugs
Hops
PS -- POSITIVES: Sun is out today, after another cold/snow snap. Tonight I do a new poetry group (online of course) which could be good. I Zoomed with my poet friend yesterday. Can't get excited about going back to church but it's open again, when I'm ready. Pooch is funny, sweet and fills my heart. I fear her aging too. Afghan family's doing better; father got his license and a member donated a car!
lighter:
Hi, ((Hops:))
I want to gently remind you about pebbles and noses and collective fear and sadness during times of war and illness sweeping the earth. You've been through so much in recent years and you won't have answers from the tests till June or July. That seems like a long time to no have ansers esp if you're worried about having a stroke. Not knowing what's creating the brain fog and inability to sleep and forgetfulness would be upsetting for anyone experiencing it and you're human, so it's OK... go ahead and have it.
I wonder how you're dealing with it.... if it comes and goes or are you IN IT without relief for extended periods? Do you recover and get slammed with it again or is it chronic and rarely gives you a break? Going back to some basics for getting your nose off the pebbles and I know you have those answers, but sometimes the fear and fog hide them, IME. My T reminds me, brings me back, guides me to do remember and practice the things I know bring relief, bc I can't always remember on my own, esp when I'm in fight or flight. THINKING just makes it worse and you're a thinker.
Perhaps moving the tests up might be possible so you have some answers sooner than later?
Lighter
Hopalong:
Thanks, Lighter, for these kind reminders.
My nose has been so anxious it's got pebbles stuck up it.
The test won't be moved up -- was already moved later for omicron.
Wish it could but I also dread it. You go in a big donut machine that contains a lot of cameras, then they inject the drugs that make your heart think you're exercising and jack it up in speed just as they would on a treadmill. I guess it's safer, dunno. I think a radioactive isotope is injected too but I'm not certain.
Regarding:
...if it comes and goes? -- that happens
...or are you IN IT without relief for extended periods? -- that happens too
Do you recover and get slammed with it again? -- this happens
or is it chronic and rarely gives you a break? -- lately, it's more chronic
When I do have my face in the rocks tools and tricks don't feel available to me, even if they're across the room. I grow very very still, like a rabbit in shrubbery. Only doing that seems to let my breathing slow and the panic sensations recede.
I will do better tomorrow as I'm seeing my T. Tomorrow evening (I had it down for tonight, incorrectly) is the new poetry group. Forgot that my dear poet friend will be in it too, thanks to Zoom.
And I have a friend coming by Saturday for a bit. I need to do and plan more but when I feel this...weak...it's difficult to set things up. Although I can do that on condition it's a very flexible plan and we should confirm on the day. That would allow me to cancel with grace if I need to.
Thanks for caring, Lighter.
hugs
Hops
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