Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
mental health
sKePTiKal:
Hops, I'm sorry you're stuck in this. I get the interminable waits for tests & appts. is SOP now, unless you go to the ER - and you will likely wait there too.
It's warm & sunny today! Get out in the fresh air and soak it up! Throw a toy for pooch, sip some tea and feel the sun on your skin. It sounds like you need to upgrade your way of perceiving "being your body". Tweak it a bit. Without altering chemical balances with any supplements. Simplest way to GET in your body is to simply stand. Think of it as a sun salutation? Align your shoulders & back & hips... loosen your shoulders & neck & arms... feel down to your feet (and especially barefoot) feel the slow steady grounding earth energy soak in from the bottoms of your feet. Imagine a string at the very top of your head. And breath comfortably, feeling the fresh air nourish the cells in your body... the sunlight kissing your skin... and the earth energy holding you gently but securely.
The lonliness has been an issue for some time, hasn't it? I recall you mentioning a fear of being alone in old age a lot. Maybe you could feel less fear, if you got one of those med call buttons? I think there are bracelets and necklaces you could wear. And I think they can even be localized now - and possibly alert designated friends? Crazy, dumb things happen to all of us sometimes... and should it happen when we're alone and left the phone where we can't reach it... yeah, it can be scary. It could be your "If all else fails... " summon Superman button. ;)
I can wish all I want that you didn't have this fear and could find the joy in being alone, and make peace with how you live in your space. Find your way to providing your own sense of security in the situation. But only YOU can do that. And you CAN try some things that might practically speaking, help. They might not too. It's not a failure on your part or weakness - you just are exploring and discovering what is the right solution FOR YOU.
I get the impact of aging, too, on so many things about how we feel and perceive ourselves. My "guy in charge" turns 70 this month and I'm not THAT far behind him. If I were still alone here, I'm pretty sure I'd be looking at everything very differently. But I just don't FEEL that old and have been blessed with pretty good health. Yep, my stairs to get in/out of the house & studio, the hills between everything... all this has been my gym. Most days, I conquer them like a 40 yr old. Some days.... it seems more like Kilimanjaro. But I'm letting go the tendency to beat myself up mentally, because I AM older now. And have come to appreciate a slower pace in my life. (AND trust me!! Even THAT acceptance can be turned into a "problem" by my over-active brain. I have to watch myself like a hawk, or I'll regress into the old ruts I worked so hard to escape in T. This is why I consider myself "high maintenance" - but I'm also worth it. The benefits of doing that work are worth it.)
All this means, that I'm experiencing a lot of change right now. Younger people getting involved - Hol here, new people at the business; Buck and his indomitable one foot in front of the other... I kinda think that all the change around me (as I figure out what my old age might look like) kinda rubs off on me. It's good juju - even if it just exists in my landscape and isn't something I can claim; yet. But it's headed that way.
Twoapenny:
Sounds really horrible Hopsie, I'm sorry you've got all this to deal with on top of everything else. I completely get the wanting to have someone at your side - not dependency, have to be glued together day and night but just knowing someone (with a healthy attachment!) is part of your life and can help with whatever might be helpful at the time. I don't know how your health system works there, do you have to contact individual docs yourself to arrange appointments or do you see a general doc who advises what to do?
I hope things start to settle/ease a bit soon xx
lighter:
How did T appointment go, Hop?
Hopalong:
Thanks y'all, I'm SO grateful for your voices.
I'm okay. Going to let your responses rest and settle overnight
and chime in again tomorrow.
(A little drained after the poetry thing, which went well.)
big hugs,
Hops
Hopalong:
I love that grounding meditation, Amber. It is good advice, thanks. And you're right that loneliness is a lifelong issue, with the most acute two periods being childhood and recent years. In terms of vulnerability to isolation, those early and these later years are the chapters when it has had the most impact. So...more planning, reaching out, connecting and joining are as important for me to do as medical followups.
Thanks, Tupp, for literally understanding the feeling so well. I do think technology can help some in a practical way (the alert button, for example), but for me the problem is emotional and spiritual, not practical (or at least not yet). When I read an article yesterday about an AI companion for isolated elderly I wrote a friend that I'd rather sign up for Dignitas. Only partially tongue in cheek.
I'm doing fine managing my own medical appointments and the issue of having to wait a while for a non-emergency test isn't worrying me. I'm not giving up, just vulnerable to high anxiety and distress at times. Last night was another all-night-insomnia session, so today I'm lying low (well, I do that every day these days).
If all may not be well I can count on all being whatever it is. Working on getting good with that. T session went well, Lighter. I think we're a bit better as a team.
Crows still come for lunch. Today Pooch and I will have an expedition for dog food, when she loves the smell smorgasbord of the pet store. Tonight is covenant group, also a good thing. I can generally be quite open there.
Hope y'all have some early spring joys today, small or large.
hugs
Hops
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