Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2022 Frozen Tundra Farm Report
sKePTiKal:
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
He's going to have to just turn me loose on the Ducati; I don't ride double. :D I haven't heard it fire up yet; and I fully expect the old lust for that deep throated growl will hook me, once again.
Go figure! the next followup appt (expecting a slight step up on painkiller drip rate) is on the day of the full double Buck moon. More than one of us will be yelling woohoo.....
All in all, it's a good Independence Day weekend around here. No big shindigs... just enjoying summer & ourselves.
I don't have the bandwidth to entertain Hol's issues - I know she has the tools to sort it out herself, and I am sympathetic but not letting myself engage much further. Not my monkeys. Most I'll do is dig out the name & phone number for my T - if she's still practicing and still in the area.
Got woke up this morning, from a txt from my brother - my mom is now in assisted care for rehab from a couple of minor strokes and in full kidney failure. She won't stay awake long enough for dialysis and has stopped eating. They're asking him to change her revival "code" to just let her go peacefully in her sleep. I think he's OK with that; he sounded really solid when I talked to him. NO; I'm not in a place to make a fast roadtrip up there, even tho Buck could drive part of the way. But since she doesn't really know who I am, at this point... it's a kindness to everyone for me to stand down and wait this out from a distance. Then the real work will begin on the hoarder's stash.
Hopalong:
I'm sorry, Amber. And hope she passes in peace.
I'm also sorry she wasn't the mother you deserved.
I'm glad you've found peace and balance around it and
understand why you're not going to say goodbye. You'll
do that in your own way.
Hoarder stash. Ooof.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Whew boy, you have a lot on your plate, Amber.
I remain in awed by your indomitable spirit. You've navigated rough waters and risen above trauma....particularly with your mother and childhood.
I feel as though I'm watching you fly over mountains to embrace blue sky...along with it's clouds and storms and winds....... seeking out joy and modeling great and good discernment...what's yours....what's not.
Hol hasn't processed her trauma. Yet, If you could do it for her, I'm sure you would have, but you can't and you know it in your bones.....
now.
I have no advice for dealing with your mother's passing. You know what's right for you. How amazing to trust yourself and your intuition.
Yes.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
It seems my life isn't meant to have any quiet, open space, downtime. Maybe at some point I decided to ask the universe to fill my life with "one thing after another". And that wish was granted, in spades! ;)
Whatever. My man is doing the hard work of healing, by sleeping longer and more hours than he has in most of the years and years I've known him. The back incision is healed enough that I didn't bandage it last night. Bandages itch in this heat & humidity. (That's the access doc used to run catheter lines into the spinal column, Lighter.) The front incision looks WAAAAY better, sooner, than his previous ones. That's where the pump is. And yes, the outline of the device is slightly discernable - B hasn't been able to put on much weight/inches since the doc suggested it would help the implant heal in better. He just doesn't sit still long enough.
I need to keep him focused on light-duty tasks as much as I can and maybe get him out walking some to keep his strength up. All the surrounding physical systems as he adjusts to the absence of the majority of the back pain. Keep his mind busy, too. He brought things to do that are very low physical demand... but he's not that bad off.
I guess I need to revive my current track of "things" to do and let him start defining his own day again, since I did "win" a full week of non-physical activity compliance from him. We have things to plant; aloe to pot; I may need more potting soil. I have a pair of moccasins to make and purse to repair. (Snap buckle failed.) It looks to be a kinda rainy weekend and I do have a list of "Buck jobs" to do... little things that won't require a lot of heavy lifting. Next week, we have lights to hang in the shop and stuff to move from barn to there - which means I can move my seed starting stuff back to barn.
Hopalong:
Maybe B can learn leatherwork from Hol.
Maybe you can teach him to knit.
Maybe he can take more responsibility to be mindful his body....
Sounds like you do have good reason to be tired and yearning
for some you-time, Amber. Hope you can soon claim it so you
don't burn out.
You could feed him deep-fried everything, though. (Joke!)
hugs
Hops
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