Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2022 Frozen Tundra Farm Report
Hopalong:
I always hear responsibility coming from your posts, Amber. And such competence.
It's a lot, and it's remarkable. The thing that seems so much more important than what you do, list wise, is how much you enjoy it. There's a lovely savoring in getting things done.
I couldn't even call you a role model as you're an olympic Zamboni compared to an old-school ice cube tray.
I'm pretty sure the above was incoherent, but you'll get whatever's worth getting, I know.
Just so pleased to hear the B-notes coming through to the top line. Joy in the morning!
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
A zamboni, eh? They are pretty cool machines in action. First time I've had that applied to me though! LOLOLOLOL
You might lean more toward the ice cube tray end of the spectrum though, if you tried to find my tomatos in the big garden. The weeds are almost waist high again, with all this rain. B has been keeping me busy with running for parts to fix vehicles, using the ranger to get around - and we've been running to town a lot for his appts. Hol has needed regular mommy-attention with S gone so much; he won't be home until very late tonight - and tomorrow leaves again. Her abandonment issues are starting to conflict with her independent, responsible & competent streak... and I'm her closest opportunity to sit & chat with. I think she's going to go visit an old friend and swim next weekend tho.
I much prefer B's company to hers. He is so easy & fun to be around - and almost anything said between Hol & I can trigger a reaction in one or the other. I know we're spending too much unstructured time together but I don't see that being fixable. Maybe I can suggest a collaborative project to her; keep her mind off ruminating so much she becomes a whistling rattling teakettle.
sKePTiKal:
OH... and B & I are moving into a new phase of planning; getting ready for his big move things need to be better organized around here. It helps he's as OCD about organization as I am (though in practice and during work - he makes a squirrel's nest of mess).
lighter:
If I could speak to Hol.....
I'd tell her what I'm trying to tell my girls, Amber.
"It's OK to feel the pain and face the suffering..... it won't kill you, though it feels as thought it might."
Mom can't fix this for you. It's inside you and it's something you have to fix yourself now. You CAN fix this yourself. I trust you can and believe in you.
My girls are stumbling through a very uncomfortable path...... I trained stoicism into their little Nervous Systems and as I loosen suffering's hold on me, my deaprture from stoicism alarms them. They don't know what to do with it.... yet. They will.
Learning to replace stocism is a very whonky unpretty thing, IME. Toes can't point and there';s no sucking it in, emotionally.... it's ugly and traumatic but it's how trauma gets tended to, IME.
We all deserve to tend to be tended to, as does our pain, IME.
More about that on one of my threads; )
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
Stoic, she is NOT. Hence the need for almost regularly constant social interaction. She hasn't quite made friends with herself yet.
But she IS trying all on her own; I'm just the resorted to "last resort" when she's sick of arguing with herself about herself. Some of it is menopausal hormones, for sure. But there's a lot more than that going on.
Eh, it is what it is. She looks to be busier this week, or at least more of it. Which means I'm left alone.
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