Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
2022 Frozen Tundra Farm Report
sKePTiKal:
Well, snow never amounted to anything, and then it got cold & windy. Still waiting on appt for stimulator. So, B hasn't been as busy this trip. When it warms up, he's got things to do in the shop.
Deb is coming out this weekend & the kids are gonna be gone. So we'll have a relaxing time instead of the usual mayhem. Buck will grill ribs and I'll make some sides & dessert and we'll stuff our faceholes. :D
Gutters finally got replaced; and leaf guards installed.... so no more big jobs in the house. I can move on to the studio and decks when I save up enough "kitty" for it. I have mending for B and a couple of projects for out there. It's definitely a cozier space with the new blinds and curtains.
So, I think we're finally in hibernation season. My seed catalogs have started coming in! Time to move my seed starting setup and think about garden again. And meanwhile B & I are talking about remaking the main living space into "our space".
lighter:
Enjoy your hibernation time, Amber.
We just smoked 4 racks of ribs....will pack them up for travel tomorrow.
Good food, fires and fellowship is about my holiday speed.
Enjoy your visit with D.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
I would enjoy it MORE, if my weird dreams would stop. Been dreaming about my Dad for some time now. This last one, his mom (an evil witch of a grandmother) and Mike and his brother (who is still on this side of the dirt, I believe) were in the dream.
I did figure out WHY this dream; Mike passed 7 years ago tomorrow. Time flies when you're getting older. I don't think there is any processing or things to let go on that topic... but you never know, do ya?
And I HAVE been a tad busy lately. Most of it has been fun or an adventure. There's only been a little crabby irritation about things; a little overwhelm about being "needed" so many different places/things; only a little insanity of the dysfunctional family kind.
And B is in a really good mood this morning... "Dad Jokes" abound.
Hopalong:
How wise of you to be so aware that you noted the "anniversary reaction" your subconscious was dealing with, Amber. That is really wonderful.
And are you getting B. some Dad jeans to go along with his jokes? I think it's a fabulous sign of his happiness that he's telling you lame jokes. Love it!
I'm entering winter with a happy plan, despite some adjustments this year about life itself. I'm inviting a dozen friends (plus anybody, really) to join me this spring at an animal sanctuary on a gorgeous 400 acres -- to help me celebrate my bday! I'm so tickled by the idea, and Poet friend is coming all the way from Michigan for it.
Whoopie. I told them I'd thought of waiting for my 75th but that one will require a parade, so heck with waiting.
I'm just full of joy at the prospect. I soooooo love being near animals. Since most of us will be old ladies (and a few old gents) I told them if they prefer they can kibbitz by the fence while I get blissed out and smelly patting everything that enjoys it.
Woo and HOO. I hope you have fun plans to celebrate life itself that have nothing to do with accomplishing stuff, too.
It's really, really nice to hear about you and B, catch glimpses of this amazing turn in your life.
And, remembering Mike, feeling that gentle reminder of that love, is beautiful too.
Hugs,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Oh my.... what ARE these strange feelings I'm feeling consistently day to day? You know (hopefully) - what I'm going to describe. Happy, buoyant, bubbly, playing, and fun stuff! Lasts all day and from day to day... and doesn't really dissapate when I have something I have to do. WHO IS THIS ME???? LOLOLOLOL.
I can't say B is responsible for this, altho he does contribute to it. Even on those days when he's ready to chew nails and blow things up out of frustration and irritation. (Not literally; but he gets very angry and takes things too too personally sometimes.) Even then, I mostly hang on to this new "state of being".
I have energy busting out all over - a distinct contrast to the covid fatigue. Sometimes that energy is even concentrated & focused. LOLOL.
I might have to surrender my queen of sarcasm & snark card. Indeed, I'm sure my reputation is going to suffer. I guess I'll have to pass on the torch and let myself be put out to pasture... since it's a hell of a lot more enjoyable than where I used to spend my days, emotionally.
In very short order, B will bring yet another load... and perhaps it will be the LAST load, depending on a LOT of things. He'll run home in a week or so, and then turn around around and be back in the week between Christmas & New Year's with that next load and to make his pump fill appt. (We're checking into Home Infusion for later on.)
Hol is maybe gonna miss the "old" mom... and bribe B to bring her back - NOT. LOLOLOLOLOL. This is just such a weird - ie, unusual, state for me to be in other than momentarily and usually for an obvious cause. This has no direct causation; it just IS. It is IMPOSSIBLE to find anything to worry about regarding it; and there's nothing to analyze, or explain. Hol has found just the right kind of stable & consistent male mentor (Dad substitute) in B and those two are thick as thieves - even texting each other ideas to bounce off the other or offer help to each other. An unexpected bonus of "gravy" in this situation.
OH... and now that hearing aids are OTC, I found an affordable set that are working for him. No batteries, they're rechargable. It's making a world of difference for him - he was missing a lot... and ME, because I often have to repeat myself 3-4 times to be understood. Unlike the kind that merely amplify EVERYTHING, these seem more filtered to accentuate speech. My voice tends be a deeper range, which is precisely the frequency that cuts out for him. The brand is Audien and I ordered online. We'd recommend them. They're pretty comfortable for him to wear for extended timeframes too.
It seems that even on the days we're not deliberately chasing fun - when it's the mundane same old same old - we're still having fun and I'm all happy happy joy joy silly. Not giddy, like in the early days... this seems to be a more permanent change. What the hell, right? You only live once... so why NOT?
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