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2022 Frozen Tundra Farm Report

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sKePTiKal:
Hops - after 3 years, we're kinda past the swoon-y stage of feelings. The R'ship/connection side of things still has those butterflies from time but most often I experience a deeper, calmer, more peaceful - "rightness". Others may see different things about us (and Hol is the most intrepid about making her perceptions known) but between he & I, things are more practical, pragmatic and simply going through life together.

Oh the Ex is still hanging around & being nosy Lighter. But bothering him less internally. I think he's finally decided he is long past feeling responsible for her current circumstances or her fate. Even though she created the whole situation to take advantage of what he could provide her - upon the current whim. I'm glad you brought that up - because I need to research some stuff about immigrants married with a green card. Just to get the ins & outs clearer in my head. Obviously, he was her sponsor. She won't naturalize and is dragging her feet while whining about wanting to go back "home" to live with her sister. Kinda nutsy, to me... but it explains a little of his "once burned, twice shy" characteristics that pop up from time to time (they don't move in and make a pest of themselves).

B is understandably impatient and irritated by any more - each & every - paperwork, bureaucratic, or just incompetent office help delay he encounters even in this new med system. He's been trying to fight his way through this for 5 years now. Then covid, which has made the situation worse in some ways. He wasn't doing too well attitude-wise about having any hope of resolving it when I butted into his self-talk back then. (Hol got it from somewhere ya know.)

The reality is he never had anyone advocate for him; stand with him as he tried to navigate all this; or care enough about how he felt about it all to listen to him grumble. He is a good bit ADD; and while he does have the ability to concentrate, focus, and stay on task... in those interactions with healthcare people he has so much at stake with outcomes that anxiety amplifies and enlarges every little thing to him. My role as shield maiden is to ask the question that flew out of his head, cover all the bases about how the "process" is going work (managing expectations), calendars, etc and keep him as calm as possible. Found out feeding him after a Dr. visit that hasn't gone well helps a lot.

Because the pain pump is a long-term "management" situation, involves narcotics (which invokes the whole opioid mess) even though it doesn't affect his brain directly (goes into spinal cord to soothe nerve endings)... taking a psych eval was part of the process. I didn't get asked to leave and I have to say the questionnaire wasn't exactly subtle. Not to mention how easily it could be gamed. (I used to write these kinds of things to collect info about my faculty's tech needs/wants.) B has already been assessed as not having an addictive personality. He's not a depressive. He's the furthest from suicidal as can be. And he's not even anti-social. This eval was the least messed up part of what he's been waiting for & going through as part of the process and we're a year into it now.

Going through something like this with him - before we were an "item", all throughout the beginning butterly stages of the relationship is a pretty interesting (and different) "getting to know you" gauntlet and not exactly romantic. But if there is a successful outcome, his quality of life becomes more pain-free than it's been and even if the pump only knocks it down by half - he will accept that. He's not the kind of person to sit around feeling sorry for himself. He'll go do what he can do, to keep part of his mind anyway - off obsessing on the pain. I've been able to see this obsession in real-time myself... and have some ability to interrupt that, shrink it down to size in the bigger picture; provide perspective. He has a willing apprentice now, in Hol, too. They've already done some things together.

So, we've kinda jumped past a lot of "new relationship" stuff. right to real life stuff - for now. And I think our age, and what we've both been through in our lives, has contributed this kind of "fast forward". There's no point in putting on any masks - we just went to warts & all. And still, there are enough fun romantic moments that come out of nowhere and cause many smiles. But it's the strong deep connection between us that's contributing to the visible speed of events now. We did all our "homework" the past 3 years. We balance each other making us more together - than apart.

Or so, today's words for trying to describe how this FEELS goes. I ain't much of a poet.

lighter:
I'm very happy to see you posting about feelings, Amber:) 

Feelings and needs.....
the fruits and flowers of intimate connection when we can state and ask for them. 
Poetry or no...... it's really heartwarming to read how things are going.

I'm so happy you and B are navigating the medical stuff well.  Learning how to calm and soothe B, with B learning to accept being soothed and comforted......
that's the stuff of safety and longevity in relationships: )

Lighter

Hopalong:
Amber, thought you might find this as fascinating as I did. Really amazing. (It's a freebie, no subscription).

https://wapo.st/3LyI2km

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
I'm familiar with the neolithic sites in Orkney. Not really chasing after any theories... but just curious about what is supposed about those people and their culture.

sKePTiKal:
Very quiet weekend here. It snowed again. Not very much... and its going to be 60-something later in the week, so I guess we're in the schizo phase of spring... LOL. Hol has company - so I actually got a peaceful quiet day to myself... with no one needing attention, no big project to work on. Whee! I did a little online shopping. More to do, too.

I'm still mentally composing the look/feel of my living room makeover. I found a rug I like, but after measuring again the size is just a teeny big too big. Everything has to be durable and easy to clean - with a man dragging man-dirt into the house, 2 more kitties coming... one outdoors, one indoors... and B's "stuff". He gets a shot of pain relief from the radiant woodstove... so we've been building fires upstairs instead of the smaller stove downstairs. Wood dirt is the WORST, and during the cold snap, I was cleaning on a daily basis.

Found a set of 5 herbal medicine books; each addresses a different area of health/body - there is even one on pain management/psychological issues - so I'm curious to see how in-depth the books are (supposedly includes dosing recommendations and describe strength of decoctions, infusions & tinctures). I took a quick dive into the certification onlne schools... and well, I'm self-taught in a lot of other subjects but I've bought very few actual reference books in recent years. So I thought I'd give these a shot. The next set will be the German Herbal references. Weirdly, I can read manuals and reference books; integrate - and then present in distilled fashion. Synthesizing the essential info, I guess.

I'm also starting to gather up the gardening essentials. It's almost time to start slow-growing herbs indoors, under lights. I have fertilizer ordered to be tilled into the garden... the traditional one's I used to spread twice a year at the first homestead, and some blood meal for the heirloom tomatoes. I can spread fertilizer, while it's still muddy... but it'll be late May/early June before I can work it into the soil. I'm going to need more seed pots - my old ones migrated to the Hut. But at least they're growing too - so we have redundant chances of getting a crop. Green house will get delivered middle of March. No idea how long that'll take to put up, but Hol assures me she and S are good at this kind of thing.

She finally has gutters on her garage; and the shop gutters are on. That just leaves garage doors & insulation in the shop. Doors are in; subcontractor has me on the schedule; just waiting now. After 2 winters with solar/batteries/generator backup... adding the garage electric into the system... her big rack of panels and chargers/inverters/batteries are pretty reliable. Road work is definitely on the agenda; along with an equipment shed, fence & coops at Hut pond for birds... when we get around to it. I'm going to plant a little differently this year, so we have things to can - get Hol up and running now that she's pretty much got her spaces dialed in. It was hard to find wide-mouth lids... but a friend in KY has cases on his shelf and sent me a dozen boxes. I've been seeing lids & rings - of all places in an upscale grocery over the mountain. I grab a couple boxes of those when I see them, and they're adding up. The jars have been more available & I stocked up again (third time in my life) pre-covid.

I'm gonna run out today and get a new faucet for the utility sink in studio garage (old one is leaking badly) - I need water for my seedlings down there. Hol got everything else plumbed back again. If y'all are looking for a good book on basic household DIY, Reader's Digest and Family Handyman magazines both published basic how-to books with good instructions & illustrations. Got mine on Amazon. I figure things out better reading rather than watching a youtube video; other people are different... and with a book on the shelf, one doesn't need to fret over losing bookmarks, or remembering what the vid was called.

Even with Buck around and claiming jobs like that for himself - I still want to do them; know HOW; and get some practice in. We're figuring that bit out. Many times, it's better to get out of his way & let him do it himself.

I know this SOUNDS like a lot going on - but day to day reality is nothing much is happening until it warms up and the ground thaws. And as far as my house makover stuff goes - what I brought from the beach has fit & served ME, pretty well... but now it needs to adapt again. I think I'm kinda waiting until ALL B's stuff is here before I commit to any new purchases, so mostly window shopping, measuring, visualizing... and thinking about letting things go that no longer serve: just take up space. I might MAKE some furniture; I have all the tools to do so... it's just going to require finally getting the barn, shop & garages organized.

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