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Board season and usage...your take?

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Hopalong:
Hi y'all,
I've had a valuable pause to contemplate my Board life here. What with spring, people trying to roar back into life like freed zoo animals after caging, I'm not surprised most of us have gone quiet. Or gone outside!

The hiatus has also allowed me to think about several things that personally impact me about this place, where I've healed and learned SO much over the years:

1) Dependency that startled me. When Tupp went away for her own good reasons, I grieved. Partly because I miss Tupp -- her remarkable narratives/writing, her kindness, bravery, and regular engagement. The other part (less recognized by me of course) was how much I'd knit daily Board dialogue into my sense of safety. And purpose. Y'all have truly filled a void in my life, and have been my first and only online "phamily." Additionally, my own yearning to support and make a difference to a young woman not that much older than my D, probably needs little explanation. Likewise, things I've learned from each of you are uncountable. Sister teachers.

2) A desire to be positive and productive if the Board changes or ends, and not be shaken to the core by it. If it's a new "release the outcome" lesson then I can learn it and will be always grateful.

Anyway, the recent quiet here as everyone goes about their own meaningful business, has helped me wake up to my need to create more meaningful business in my 3D. I can do it. I'm reaching out for more connection and new activities (I've just been dubbed VP of the board for a local effort to start the Village concept here.)

That doesn't mean I want to give up on this precious place. I don't! I'll be hanging onto its ankles when Doc G gently makes a change one day.

Meanwhile, I ask a favor. Simply to help me wean myself more sturdily of going to the bookmark a couple times a day, would anyone be willing when you/they come back to post for your own timing/reasons (we might need each other more in winter)...to PM me: There's talk again on VESMB!

That would help me loosen my bony clutch to a more comfortable grip. Thanks if you do, and if you don't, not to worry. I'll check in anyway now and then. Couldn't NOT!

Love to all of you,
Hops

PS Given covid's new rise (2 friends are down) and this article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2022/05/28/covid-memorial-day-surge/-- I've been trying to think of life going forward as having two seasons:

--About six months of gentle or not-worse-than-firepit weather reframed as Visit Season, when I can see friends and have safe visits, and soak that into my bones

--Another six months mostly indoors alone, which I can reframe as Contemplative Season. A time to reflect, read, write, and work on caring for and enjoying home.

sKePTiKal:
I hear you Hopsie, m'dear.

Everyone I know - whether online or not - is "going thru it", including me. I've shut up, because I can't even post a positive "But! this is also going on". So, I know my lens on things is biased by how I feel. And I'm not feeling secure or good these days. Even though I've tried to make my posts hopeful - I've also worried maybe that is eliciting people's negative comparisons. Maybe I was able to take Tupp's decision more in stride because of it. I understand (I think) her choice and why she chose this way. She and son have to be her priority. She doesn't need to hear my "good news".

I don't think I've ever experienced such a time with so little hope or belief in the average person's ability to persevere and carry on. "Disheartened" doesn't really begin to describe it. I find myself apologizing more often, for my gloomy take on the "horror of the situation" we all find ourselves in, even though I KNOW I'm not personally responsible.

So, maybe we all go through tough times together this time. I'm still not giving up. I'm still going to extend kindness when/where I can. It can absolutely make all the difference even if we don't know that ahead of time. I refuse to believe our efforts - such as they are - are futile. It ALL matters. Hol seems to agree with me on these points and she is helping as she can.

My energy levels are depleted. It costs to give now, even if just compassionate listening. And it would be excellent if I knew just what it was I needed. But I don't even have that right now. It's like everything - in every realm: thought, intuition, a flash of insight - is all shrouded in fog. Because what's happening isn't in my control, it's not my responsibility, I can't "do anything" about it. All I can do is adapt & adjust; I can't promise overcome even. Just trying to survive.

I've heard, maybe, too many people's tales of what they're facing. I read between the lines of the propaganda-media. And I'm tired. It's hard to have enough ass behind me to make even simple things happen. That used to be my superpower. B helps sometimes too. But he expects me to hold down the fort - and not be dependent on him. And I'm trying my damndest to not be, too. My independence was hard won. Yet it's Hol doing all the manual labor, and thriving on it.

I dunno what this is Hops. I understand the silence. If we start talking & open the floodgates - it's going to be heavy. Everyone has challenges and are facing the same kinds of obstacles. I get pretty vulgar & plain-speaking if I get started... and I know that some people are intimidated by that. So........ self-censoring. I haven't even let myself say this stuff to Hol or Buck. And they both speak very plainly and to the point.

Hopalong:
Amber, I understand fog on the mountain. I hope the mountain can help ground you as this country (and world) grinds through such a tragic time. Wish I knew whether it's an end or a new beginning; it'll be both I guess, and both hard.

I'm always glad to read your narratives because they're so evocative. I hope Buck does get his butt moved to you soon and stays put a while.

I don't fear your opinions and always always learn from you. I feel a little lost too but am managing so far to bat away despair. Only thing that works is to focus in the present and in my place. And also (for me) to maintain and cherish all the connections I can.

hugs
Hops

Hopalong:
CB,
You're thoughtful, perceptive and sound so grounded in reality. I really admire how you embrace optimism and whatever's positive in your chapter, space and time.

And your endlessly-curious mind, probably the greatest companion of all.

hugs
Hops

Hopalong:
Lighter,
During a quiet period here, you've been such good company: fierce, persistent, determined and kind. I've really appreciated your narrative, even about properties.

Phyll, Mouse, who'm I missing? Doc G, how's managing the board working for you these days?

I'll keep popping in.

hugs
Hops

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