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Board season and usage...your take?

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sKePTiKal:
Hops, you know how many different hats I wear. Usually, it's possible only because those roles aren't active all at the same time. Recently, I DID have to deal with months of that situation. And the DD, that I'm teaching all about the company and how to keep it viable, while also plodding along developing the farm... and I have developed a dynamic that is an added burden. She doesn't mean to; it's just that we're the ones holding down the fort and turn to each other a lot as a result.

Eventually, even the strongest & most determined get all used up. And that's where I am. Finally swimming back to the surface again - but there's still a ways to go.

All the things I was dealing with, were extremely important personal crap... in this brave new world we're in. It's been years now, that I've weaned myself back from the FOMO induced search for answers from any news source or forum of personal opinion. I live in a world of mostly silence, save the natural sounds of my environment. It at least gives that part of my brain a rest. But, resolution was like trying to pull a steak from a lion's teeth. So, of course I made a few stumbles and mistakes. And of course, I doubted myself. And of course, in the process of trying to help, Hol kept suggesting I be/do like she does. And that's NOT ME. It doesn't work for me as a strategy. Just not my path. I wonder where she learned that was how to help? LOLOLOLOLOLOL. It's not a point of contention; just a recognition.

So, I've started to really REST. And that includes not really having anything to say. I don't even want to be heard. It's the only way I'll have brain space & energy to dream again. I don't have to completely drain my fuel tank of life force, getting things done - where's the race? where's the yardstick... and what is it measuring? My value? I stopped measuring value that way a decade or more ago. The only person who thinks to even ask if I'm OK, is Buck.

Silence and rest are where I repair myself. It's different than simply calling a "vacation day or weekend"; with no schedule and no rules. It's an intentional time/space to let me catch up to me again, breathe, sense and feel, and do what I need to do, on my own timeline. So I become a ghost for a bit.

Still haven't addressed my toilet issues around here, as a result. The redundancy is over the top; I can be down 2 toilets and not have an issue. Because my energy has gone into cleaning up and tying loose ends of one of the big things that got me here in the first place. I dogsit Knuckles tomorrow, so S can get to work and Hol probably has a location night shoot on Friday, so won't be back till Saturday. My kitties are going to all want to be outside.

lighter:
Hi, Hops:

Youngest dd and I have yet another virus..... something making us terribly weak and involves lungs, unlike the Covid in my case, and I think my arm is healing... doc has me in a compression sleave with ice and I think I've overdone the antinflammatories bc I have itchy rashes and  suspect my liver and kidneys are sucking huge great winds, so....... I've been peeking in on the board, but otherwise feeling very vulberable an unwell, which I suck at.  I tend to turn inward and go quiet...... it's difficult to  ask for.... diffcult to accept help.


I'm enjoying the new season of Alone....... sipping fresh bone broth, drinking tons of water and unable to find the Milk Thistle my brother threw into the trash when I bought it for his poor fatty liver....... he actually asked if I'd bought it for him, I said Yes I had, then he said "Well....then" and threw them in the trash forcefully... sneering at me......and I wish I had them for myself, but can't find them, darnit.  I hope whatever is up with my brother, many other things right now, is just a tough patch, but he reminds me so much of our father.  His words.... his cadence..... his view of women...... his perception of our worth and I'm not sure he's aware of it, himself.  I suspect the company he keeps impacts these changes, but it's very sad bc he was so amazing.  I really saw growth and maturity and he was being so respectful.


And I don't feel at the mercy of.... I don't feel victimized.... I recognize my part in this an I realize brother is responsible for behaving like an adult and managing to be civil.... or not.  I've released expectations and it's better.... now.

I'm not taking it personal, just try9ing to heal and pay attention to my inner world.  Sippin bone brother...... drinking my water....
I saw and tried a way to braid the very front triangle of my hair..... at the hairline, then puff it up a bit and pull it back through a ponytail behind it..... it's ME and it woild be very simple if I don't braid it all the way down, which is too far.  Next time will be easier.

I'm not gone, Hops.... just resting in awareness.... trying to strengthen up and finish healing this body I must take better care of.... same goes for my mind and spirit.

Amber.... you take care of yourself and keep returnin to believing in yourself.  I love the sound of you being in nature.... wtih quiet enough to find your center and trust it.

Hops, how are you doing?

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Thanks Lighter. I have been absolutely resting. Feeding myself & the kitties, trying to knock off the home maintenance items one at a time - and just dealing with the new stuff my investigations turn up. My tax situation this year is almost resolved and I think this was the biggest elephant vulture weighing me down... I think it probably magnified the importance of the rest of the stuff. Kind of a responsibility panic attack. Low level - but persistent.

Had a good visit with Deb. I think she's pegged Hol's reaction to "world affairs" accurately... and will try sussing that out over time. Hol came home early from work (no idea why yet) but the timing was fortuitous.

So eventually, no matter how strong & determined one is... you just have to put it down every so often before you use up all your life force. Or you'll get sick and be FORCED to.

Sorry to hear you're under the weather again. I like NOW for my herbal supplements; pretty sure they have milk thistle. Lately I've been using Woodland Essence (out in California, but they ship fast) due to their stock of the rare herbs I'm using for B, as an antibiotic enhancer/substitute. Both are easily found online.

Hops, why am I getting the impression that you're getting really bored and feeling lonely?

Dr. Richard Grossman:
"... Doc G, how's managing the board working for you these days?"

Hi Hops (and everyone!),

Even though I’ve played a different “role” on the message board for over two decades, I’ve read thousands of posts from long-term members, and the people I’ve gotten to know are like family members to me as well.  As a result, it’s painful to lose them on the board.  But I’ve felt very lucky to know all of you for so long.  You have each played an important role in my life.

We are all going through such difficult times.  Those of us who are lucky are able to share our experiences with others who understand, “get it” and can “take in” our own individual perspectives. But I’m afraid those who can do this are very few.  As a result, I hope the message board continues to help in this way, and I’ll keep it running as long as I can.

Take care,

Richard

Hopalong:
Hi Lighter,
Never heard you sound SO sick.
Sounds like you're doing every right thing to get well, but I know you hate to slow down (which, in circular fashion, could be why you have to?).
I hope you heal fast or if it's slow, that you go with the time it takes....yikes.
Keep us posted when you feel like it.

Your brother's behavior is so petty and spiteful. What a shame he's reverted. I remember once a children's therapist told me a child takes out their anger on the parent they feel safest with. He's not technically a child, but...

I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. Do feel some rough waves, I think because I just don't have that feeling of daily connection that I'd like to. And because I am reeling from a huge estimate to rebuild my sunken patio (that might damage the foundation due to poor drainage) and some other unexpected financial hits.

Everyone's doing their best, as I am, but the country as a whole is heartbreaking.

Amber, you too got smacked with illness, dang. Both you and Lighter always sound like the real Amazons to me so what a bummer. I like hearing you respect your body and also accept your age/changing chapter, regarding your limits with peace and acknowledging what is needed (and not needed) now.

I have far to go in terms of fitness and nap a lot. But I'm gradually getting some more things done, in baby steps.

You're perceptive as ever. I just don't have the energy to do physical things that would take my mind off the sociogeopolitical tragedies that fill my head, and haven't been as disciplined as I need to be to block the inflow of horror and worry. But I'm making progress there too.

Everyone I know seems raw, feeling a lot of pain. So I'm treading lightly. Some friends are coming by and I'm escaping for a couple days in two weeks, to visit my dear old friends in their new place/state. Always painful to drive through my D's city but it's also a beautiful drive. Pooch is coming as I can't afford to splurge on a dog sitter any more. This wee break will be easy though, and she is welcome with them.

I'm hosting the tiny group for the second installment of FFFFF this weekend (funnyfabulousfeministfilmfriday) and laughing will do us all so much good. Second special by Hannah Gadsby. Time after that, we're doing Wanda Sykes.

Even though you've so pinpointed my present frame of mind, I know it gets better.

Doc G -- thank you. Hope you know what a mensch you are. The kind brother or uncle I never had.

gratefully,
Hops

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