is this Gaslight?

[lostinspace]

 My friend A - I would like to walk Saturday and Sunday.

Me - Place A or place B?

 A - Whichever.

Me - Lets go to A

Walking on place A was very nice.  She had to dinner with another friend at 6.

Talking about Sunday


A_ What is the plan?

Me - Lets go to Place C and eat at a cheap place. Lets meet at the library and I do the driving.

A - You don't seem to understand that I have health problems. I am washing my bed sheets and I don't know how I will feel later. I don't want to go to C

Me - We can go to any place, where do you want to go?

A - If you want to go to C, go by your self.

Me- You wanted to walk you asked me for a plan, I am willing to go to different place. You are making me confused.

A - No answer.


what in the world am I doing wrong?

😡

[lostinspace]

It seems like every day I have negative input no matter how hard I try to be likable.

I spent two hours cleaning my DL house from shit dog 🐕. No even a thank you.

I can't even make a friend happy.

Life sucks.

[lighter]

L:

I think we teach people how to treat us. Some people send out "kick me" signals"....I used to. 

Healthy boundaries help us shift out of those patterns, ime.

You could have responded to A with:
"I gave you an option, bc you asked.  I'm flexible if you change your mind and I'm not busy."

Finding people who're respectful of you and your time requires some boundary setting, L.

Being too compliant, giving, hard wirking or firgiving without reciprocity leads to an imbalance.

Learning how to take charge of your time and energy, without feeling victimized or taken advantage if is something you can learn.

YOU can put limits in place.  You can say NO.  You can do less and stop getting baited into emotionally charged reactivity....get more you with grandson and less lip from DIL.

And breathe, L.....take 10 deep breaths, filling your lungs bottom to top like a vase to calm yourself and access more choice in your life.

Choose joy, over and over.  Let DIL keep her cruelty.....dont let her continue dumping it into your headspace.

You can dismiss her foolishness and get back to thinking about joyful things.

Same with friend A. 

Those people are the way they are....nothing to do with you.  Limit exposure.  Turn toward people who lift you up.

You can be your best company, btw.  You can be so very kind to yourself....like caring for a child, L.  Tend to your own kind heart and make self care a priority.

I hope you're still dancing, my friend😘
Lighter

[lostinspace]

I think I did.

She finally answered me "I will see how I feel when I finish cleaning my house"

I responded -  " You stay home and rest"  " I am going to park S and walk with a group"  and I finished saying "feel better"

I went to park S and walked with 20 other people. I had a great time.

Now I have to try to invent boundaries. I have to invent them because I don't have them. I am so desperate for a little bit of love that I do too much for others to get crumbs under the table.

I would love to kill that part of me who chases people for a little love.

Little by little.

[lighter]

Aww, L.  Those parts if you are wounded and protective parts.  They kept you safe in childhood.

If you get curious about them....see what messages they have for you....tend to them like small children, sans judgment....you can put them to rest.

They belong. 

They need you to research healthy boundaries and practice keeping you safe so they can rest.

Once you learn to shift out if survival mode, more choices appear.

Lighter