Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
'23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
Hopalong:
Ooof. I feel for Hol, and for you watching her.
Did she ever find a therapist? I hope so.
It would help her change herself.
I am drawn to stories of women who survive abuse and find their power.
Realized I think neglect is a parallel cycle to abuse.
Maybe he's just a lazy, self-absorbed person. In me, a pattern was repeated over and over...but it was instinctively being drawn to narcissists because I was intensely trained in how to keep my attention on THEIR wellbeing nonstop, not my own.
Hol will get there but I sure understand how hard it is to watch her repeat, repeat.
The only response I've read about that can be helpful over time is: "What are you going to do?" in a gentle, not critical tone. "What do you think you're going to do?"
And accepting "I don't know" as a legitimate answer.
One otherwise-unhelpful counselor once said something that stuck with me: "You can't help the way you feel, you just feel that way." Sounds silly because it wasn't the long-term solution, but I hadn't known that. Feelings are just weather and they do change with life.
hugs to y'all,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Hops, I remembered you talking about that response. Used it, directly. And it seems to go right past her ears... until a couple days go by and then she comes out with a thorough analysis of her potential options - and predicted outcomes of that. LOLOL. And I think she is hearing my concern that seems to put her agency; her druthers; at the bottom of the big "list". That's popping up in weird ways.
This is an on-going issue with her. Has it's highs, lows, uncertainties... and crises. She's spending an enormous amount of energy on examinging it in excruciating detail. What Lighter calls, nose on pebble. But she's handling it OK. They're going out to a matinee this afternoon, so we get a short visit with Knuckles.
Hopalong:
My nose has been so buried in pebbles at times I have to go to the ER to get them removed with fancy tweezers. Or sometimes I'll wear two forceps locked open to give me gorilla nostrils. I'll just shove bigger rocks in those.
(Not actually. LOL).
Happy to hear Hol's plowing her way up her pebble path!
And HAPPY THANKSGIVING, to all-a y'all. This VESMB board is right up top on my gratitude list, and I'm grateful to bask in this connection every morning. The gratitude list is long.
Today I'm writing a lay "sermon" I'm giving at the UU church this coming Sunday. About the planet, our relationship to it, the spiritual aspects of changing what we can and going forward despite all the rest. (I usually preach to myself.)
hugs to you and B/Hol/even S/Knuckles...all of VESMB, and Doc Grossman!
Hops
Dr. Richard Grossman:
Thanks Hops! The message board is up top on my gratitude list, too! Happy Thanksgiving to all!
As always,
Richard
sKePTiKal:
It was a quiet peaceful day yesterday. All is well. For which I am grateful. And except for a pile of dishes (hello, you poor neglected dishwasher) today will llkely be an extension of yesterday. We do have a few errands to run locally. But last night was so quiet there wasn't a car to be heard on the highway. Busiest thing, was right before bedtime, B watched 8 white deer butts go bounding across the front yard.
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