Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
'23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
sKePTiKal:
What shortened my misery from the bites was half a Benedryl. Benedryl & I don't get along very well so I was definitely splitting them. Seemed like just enough boost for the itching to only last a few days. I still have the spots but they don't itch. Only took the antihistamine for a couple days; half in the morning half before bed.
I RARELY take anything like that, so I'm not worried about such short-term usage when the relief was so welcome. Another week or two, and it'll be safe for me to go again. i was only out long enough to water some seedlings on the porch and got zapped again.
:mad:
sKePTiKal:
Imagination - and past experience - can fuel dread & anxiety, especially when you know not enough of a situation has changed to experience some other kind of outcome. Such was the preamble of preparing for Amy to come visit with her sister & friend overnight.
Hol in particular was going through that. A couple days before - after dealing with my own fight/flight response - I realized that the past experiences with her meant that both Hol & I were plenty strong enough, open enough, able to absorb & remain unscathed to get through this without extreme measures. I shared that with Hol, in depth & detail. And she seemed buoyed somewhat. It's clear that Hol has a lot more at stake, relationship wise, than I do. I'm comfortable enough in my no-contact "protective shield", that I'm willing to be pleasantly surprised but not hurt or disappointed by anything else. (Our attachment styles & relationship styles vary quite a bit, over things & people like this.)
So, B & I had gone into the town over the mountain that day for a number of errands. Stopped at the mailbox to pick up both household's mail. Pinged Hol about Amy's ETA, which was the current time but Amy hadn't arrived yet. I was going to run Hol's mail down to her - but almost immediately got the "she has arrived" text. Seems I HAD recognized Amy on the highway and passed her in Rudi, which Amy would've recognized. She was behind us at the mailbox and had just gone on & turned around so she didn't have to speak to me. Hol had invited an old HS friend of theirs, to also come "catch up" and to help her manage any situation - particularly Hol having her "buttons" pushed and reacting - that came up. So, my interaction wasn't required, desired, or needed and B & I had a pleasant evening. With some additional preventative details thrown in.
Amy had a long drive to get here; 10-12 hrs. and a longer drive the next day. Apparently, the 3 "girls" passed a mostly uneventful evening without any difficult topics coming up. And then, she was gone, back on the road early. After friend left, Hol needed to have time to dump everything out of her brain. It's how she processes. At one point, I asked if she was disappointed there was no conflict... and she wasn't. One never knows, since Hol seems to grow into herself during a conflict but she had put in all the work to avoid one, she didn't have time to even consider if all the list of things she & I were anxious about meant WE needed a confrontation to clear the air.
Clearly, I have been made into a monster in Amy's perspective and receive all the blame for everything that ever has gone wrong in Amy's life. Despite my years of trying to persuade her to try a different approach and assistance with some many crises. Never ever any mention of her Dad (ex#1)... which Hol has discussed in depth as being very problematic in both their lives. Only time I was mentioned, was when friend remarked on the resemblance between me & Amy. It's stronger than the one between Hol & I; Hol has her Dad's bone structure. The main difference between Amy & I is that she looks even older (and unhealthy) than I am. Lifestyle choices are mostly responsible for that.
But as ever, Amy is locked into a fantasyworld of experience where only Amy matters... and exists. No questions for Hol about the Hut, Steve, the property; Amy didn't even explore or care. Just talked about the reason for the road trip - to pick up the latest male love interest, sans job, sans more than a week of time spent together. No mention of the boys either. They're working hard to be able to move out. And it could be Amy is dealing with "empty nest syndrome" by procuring the next willing "victim" for herself. They plan to buy a van together and travel the festival circuit of a cult band. Amy's almost 50.... and she's already done this in her early 20s. Yet she didn't even notice Hol has a piano!
There were times, Hol observed, that Amy seemed to "go somewhere else" and her facial expression never changed; like it was frozen. I'm not sure what that might be a symptom of - if anything - but it did kinda freak Hol & friend out.
So, everyone survived the encounter with no damages and no moving forward from the current impasse which Hol has been trying to "warm up" and thaw out. It was a BFD in the "before" - when we could imagine all kinds of things but none of those came to pass. The only one of the dogs who had an issue with Amy was S's lab; he kept barking at Amy when she pirouetted off into "Amy land" and wouldn't settle. He is the most protective of the 3.
Nothing much goes on around here, so any change from the routine is usually welcome. I would prefer to not experience - even peripherally - this one again.
Hopalong:
(((((Amber))))
Kudos, loud ones across the valley, for your fortitude and skill at keeping your reason and crossing this mine field carefully but with confidence. So glad it went that way.
And this is so familiar to me, I really know how this feels:
I have been made into a monster in Amy's perspective and receive all the blame for everything that ever has gone wrong in Amy's life
I'm sorry she's so unwell and turning to unproductive escapes to continue. But it does sound as though the worst isn't happening. Just the arrested development so common to those who've been alcoholic or addicted.
I'm glad her boys have made it to ... are they 18? Perhaps one day they'll come to visit you, if you're up for that.
Hugs and quick recovery,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
The boys are 22 & 19 now. Making plans to move out - not with the usual support & resources, mind you. But it would do them both good to get out on their own. We don't have a lot of contact with them.
Not a lot of recovery needed for me. Hol is taking a little longer, but that is expected. She isn't able to understand why there would be such breaks in family member relationships - even though she's limited contact with her Dad for 25 years.
Progress on the studio is going well now. Probably a third of the siding is up; both back decks have platform built. I've been able to get inside now, so soon I can get started on the ideas/interior changes. And sewing! I looked fruitlessly for a car coat length sweatshirt - cardigan style - but I did find a pattern. And I still have lots of mending to do for B.
Waiting for this current heat to pass, then trying to unearth the garden from the weeds. SIGH. This month I've been missing my old pool.
Hopalong:
I never hit Purchase but kind of fell in love
with a "sweatshirt dress" from Orvis. Wonderful
blue...
ENJOY it all. So exciting to think of you creating anew
in the studio. That's fantastic.
hugs
Hops
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version