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Meh:
So at the moment I have this state health insurance and I've not used it very much because I'm unmotivated, am not in a big city so there aren't very many health care providers anyways, and the insurance website is clunky and awkward and none of it is organized it's all these various listings some of them out of business and some of them not taking new patients. I thought I might try to just SEE if I can locate a therapist via this health insurance.

The first one I landed on I called the phone number it's disconnected. The second one appears to be a drag queen in their personal time and wants people to follow their drag shows on instagram. Left a message for a mysterious other office in case they might call me back during the week. Now I am looking at people who are a long drive away and are stating all this political wokery crap on their websites about gender.

This is why I don't bother in the first place it takes hours and hours of my time just to locate someone and even at that the schools in my state are far politically left which means they put all the gender crap on their professional webpages. At this point if I were to see a therapist I only want to see an old woman. Somebody with a real vagina that has always had a vagina. Not a neovagina not any of that weird shit.

I just don't think it's worth it to try to see a therapist. And yet here I am slogging through this crap but again if you're rich you live in a big city and you go see some specialist in the area that is relevant to whatever it is you are seeing a therapist for I figure. I imagine these people read some text books at a university they just got by on their tests by reciting whatever is in the books. I don't know what I am doing tonight am I going to continue to spend another hour scrolling down these offices which are like an hour each way to drive to. I'm not sure. There is teledoc but I really don't think I want to do that.

Maybe I really should move back to the city. Or not. I don't know. I suppose I could ATTEMPT a teledoc counseling appointment. I don't want to be on a video camera talking about personal stuff. I don't care how they market it that's just not appealing to me. It's not. I already wasted my day doing this so I might as well keep looking since I am in their dumb database of providers.

You see if you have some kind of good health network you call and can get something set up in 20-30 minutes at the most and make an appointment but this is honestly I'm just shaking my head and complaining per usual. I have to complain my way through everything it is the only way I get anything done.

Here is the other thing like for example on one website it says this (Fees Psychotherapy, 50 min: $140)

I am low class so I usually get paid $20 an hour at the MAX. So if I were to pay for this out of pocket it would be like an entire days pay for me practically once they take taxes out of it.

The question is well is it really worth it and what am I meant to get out of therapy?

Hopalong:
Hey, Meh.

My thought in answer is: peace. Just some peace.

And maybe an understanding of where/how you belong in this world.

I hope you could consider one Telehealth session, to give it a chance. And/or tell a potential therapist right up front that your beliefs are right-wing, and do they feel comfortable helping someone who's socially conservative? Any decent therapist should answer that honestly.

Good luck, and it sounds good to me that you're making this effort.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Finding ANY healthcare within a "local" driving distance is getting harder & harder, Meh. And Godz forbid, you need a specialist. Our last visit was a 2 hr drive into the city. Hol drove, coz the traffic makes me a nervous wreck.

I think, if you're gonna try "teledoc" maybe you ought to draft a reasonably short email explaining your goal that you can send BEFORE a session. And you can ask about the ideology differences maybe getting in the way. That way, you session time isn't wasted.

There is always a dice roll, trying to find someone that YOU can work with. They may be highly praised by other people, but if y'all don't see eye to eye or can't communicate smoothly, then they're not for you. I get what you're saying about their qualifications. It's like they're following a script and a "one size fits all" formula before they even get to know you. IMO, there are really good people doing this work but they are few and far between and VERY expensive. There really need to be more people who are really CALLED to this work - and don't simply see it as job they can virtue signal about.

Hopalong:
Mine is covered by Medicare, are you on any kind of insurance, Meh?

Hope you won't start out believing in obstacles you haven't found proof of yet.

Meh:
Hi Hops and Skeptikal,

I've thought about asking counselors up front but I would be lucky to find any near me at all. I do not consider myself right-wing I'm actually old, low class and sort of not into either political parties that much. I don't qualify as a conservative Christian or whatever doesn't matter I just come here to complain in fact everything annoys me these days. Like every little task annoys me. I am glad for getting stuff DONE if I FORCE myself to do it but my brain revolts. I just five minutes ago forced myself to find some clothes in a box and some part of my brain spontaneously shows me this image of me just having the meeting naked. Honestly this is not something I want to do but some recess of my mind seems to think everything is just more effort than it's worth. Wow, the value of one's time and effort huh. Anyhow I didn't get any usable responses to the emails I had sent to the counselors all I asked was are they taking new patients under the health coverage I have that is it.

Traffic makes me nervous too and I've been driving on side roads for the entire time that I've had my car. Only went on the freeway once. Actually eventually that is something I should get used to again maybe but then again I don't think traffic is worth it. I live outside the Seattle area and I think it's rated one of the worst places in the nation traffic wise and I am a bad driver and I can't afford to fix anything so yeah. F that.

I don't like teledoc for therapy. I get it that it works for some things but I think it's just another way human consciousness is getting sucked into the etheric neverland.

Agreed Skeptical I do think there are some people that are into what they are doing and they have an area of specialty and they are likely good and yes it's the "top-tier" type of healthcare. I've got the drive-through gas station version of healthcare though at best. Oi, I shouldn't think about it too much I have a lot to do in the next 12 hours.

No there really ARE obstacles Hops. I do have bad health insurance but also I don't live in the city right now and I haven't been into the city for a very long time. And I am not going to drive to a park and ride, catch a bus and another bus maybe in the rain... go to an appointment with a rando stranger counselor and then do a whole slog of a commute back.

Look I know that part of what I do is my brain hates everything. I actually am noticing that EVERYTHING seems hard. But the thing is I doubt it's worth it. I am going to lose my health insurance anyhow so I don't know why I was even bothering to look. There is someone I think does therapy out of their house nearby but it doesn't seem very legit to me. Then again they probably need the money and I think the insurance pays for it. Can't recall. I don't want to think about it anymore.

It's 1:20 am here. I am very wide awake but I need for force myself to wind down soonish. Maybe I should clean and make garlic bread and get off of the internet but also I was trying not to eat past 8 pm and I seem to be not sticking to that rule this week. Oh well.

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