Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Nothing much really
Hopalong:
I'm sorry, Meh.
A toxic family survival dance.
I hope you can keep your balance and dance out of her orbit.
I do think reading it all carefully including any fine print is a good idea, even if on a quick glance it sounds like the judge didn't buy it. Just be sure.
Using the legal system to bully someone is really wrong; my brother did it to me and tore my life up for several years. It was hell. I hope this one goes nowhere.
What a shock. Breathe, be well anyway.
hang in there,
Hops
lighter:
What Hops said, Meh.
All that, and.....
there can be comfort in pd's showing everyone what they are.....
what they do.....
what they've been doing, to others, all this time...escalate, till they gain compliance.
I'm curious, if the thought of having a TRO, on your mom, creates feelings of comfort, dread or something else, for you.
That's more involvement....more fodder....more time stolen from your serenity.
Escaping, her orbit, is better.
As I read your posts, I picture you pulling yourself, from a very sticky swamp, Meh.....
and you're mostly out.
Lighter
Meh:
It's Saturday and I am just now scrolling through this restraining order court document thing. I thought the judge had denied it. I have no idea. What is written on there is really awful. It's very weird. And she is using the phrase "our family" in a way that intentionally excludes me entirely from everything. She is really bat shit crazy. Well if I have to do a hearing I am attempting to do it by phone first thing in the morning so I can get it over with and go to work. She listed anxiety and depression on the form like these are character flaws that I have. This is just a very weird situation. But like everything it will pass. I just don't see why I have to defend myself against her accusations. I think she is asking for a court ordered mental evaluation.
Lighter "I'm curious, if the thought of having a TRO, on your mom, creates feelings of comfort, dread or something else, for you."
It all just stresses me out and it feels like a negative distraction. The way I think and feel about the courts is that I don't really want to participate in this stuff. I just want to move on. I don't want to THINK about it that much. I want the hearing to be by phone and I want it over with. I don't have any legal stuff on my permanent record and I don't want anything on my record. I think it's gross that she filed these papers to begin with.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the "WHY" of stuff but I don't even want to do any of that anymore.
I've got other things I have to do today. I don't see why I have to prove my mental health in court because she is forcing me to do that?? I've got other things going on in my life it all feels like it's piling on.
lighter:
Oh.....such a familiar cadence to the PD legal dance. Forcing one to disprove negatives, with no consequences, for making false allegations.
And, for what? Her actions are nonsensical.... bc they make no sense.
As Brother Mud said to me ..... it's a waste of time trying to make sense of something that will never make any sense.
It's good you stopped trying.....
stopped needing it to make sense, Meh. That's a big step towards healing, IME.
About the legal documents.....you have to answer, bc I've seen TROs granted when the Defendant didn't show. No one needs a restraining order on their permanent record.
I will say this, about representing yourself at any hearing......if the Judge seems perplexed at your mother's actions towards you.....
don't be afraid to ask that Judge for a TRO barring further harassment from your mother. Judges can, and have, granted TROs, in my affairs, without my filing a thing.....I didn't even have to ask. The Judge clearly understood what needed to happen. He granted a TRO. It was in the record.
Your mother might well suffer a consequence for her actions. Maybe this hearing will be a needless bother. Maybe it'l won't.
In any case, there are rules to speaking in Court and to Court officers.
1. Speak like you're talking to a very young child you want to understand you.
2. Do not tell your listener what to think, feel or do. Instead,refer to your evidence, before hand, then state your strongest documented facts, without expectation. You want your listener to come to their own opinions, that way, they might punish your mother for you.
3. If anyone says something ignorant or profoundly stupid about you, treat it as an opportunity to educate your listeners....as though you're helping them.
Do not get angry, exasperated, or react in any way. You remain calm, steady and self assured....you understand what's happening with your mother. You'll help the court understand too.
Don't interrupt, or say negative things about anyone. Always address your mother/everyone, in and out of the room, respectfully and with compassion.
Keep your statements super short. Always. Eye on the ball..... it's easy to ramble when an unhinged person is involved, IME.
No rambling. The court will have a very narrow focus, and you'll do well to figure it out, and address ONLY that, IME.
Once it's over, it's over. Your mother will try to muddy the water. You'll stay focused. The Judge will not be pleased with nonsensical behavior in their court.
As you said....this shall pass.
Lighter
Meh:
"it's easy to ramble when an unhinged person is involved, IME.
No rambling. The court will have a very narrow focus, and you'll do well to figure it out, and address ONLY that, IME."
Thanks Lighter. I'm reading your thoughts. I appreciate it.
I went from asking WHY to feeling dismayed and asking HOW DID THINGS GET SO BAD which is probably just another version of asking WHY do N's do what they do. Now I am just rather tired. Had breakfast. Going to do personal work today I guess. Try to be organized. Try to be proactive and take action steps instead of laying in bed all day. I will get some stuff done. And I will feel slightly better for getting some stuff done.
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