Author Topic: Anything again  (Read 27360 times)

lighter

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #90 on: April 01, 2026, 08:46:19 AM »
Meh....my two cents.  Good therapy can be different things to different people.

If you make and take that first phone call .... perhaps a second ....you might find a compassionate witness you click with.

Even if they're doing other work, not applicable to you...
connection and "good therapy" might somehow be possible, bc that therapist gets you.

Truth:  There are therapist doing more harm than good out there....in all walks of the field.

Other truth:  There are good therapists, doing good work, in all walks of the field..... social workers, psychologists, clergy....bartenders.  My point is....sometimes, unexpected people help us make connections, for reasons other than the school they attended, or the job they're paid to do.

Finding someone, you click with, is more about alchemy, their experience, interests, toolbox, our willingness to sit in discomfort and talk about discomfort and pain, IME.  I'm a blurted, btw.  I just hit the high spots, unredacted btw, and put a t all on the table.....how the T responds tells me a lot.  I want steady, all business, let's get down to processing trauma and learning how I can do it in my own.....I want zero ego....I want HUGE compassion, even though it makes me cry.  My youngest DD wants to banter ....she wants a sharp wit, and humor mixed into her sessions.....and she wants to be found funny.    Needless to say, my T has concerns about DD's current T, but there it is.

Discerning who's right,wrong, or somewhere in between can be mindfulness practice for you, should you choose to make the call.  You can notice what comes up, how it feels, where you feel it, what changes it, if it changes.....and ask questions you care about.  At least you'd know a bit more about what they u don't want, if it doesn't work out.

Lighter

Meh

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #91 on: April 01, 2026, 06:01:03 PM »

Some of what you posted made me start another little cycle of worrying I might be an N, or N-ish. I think of it as behaviors rather than branding but scary stuff. Mainly around the why-don't-I-do-home-tasks-like-I-should. It really is mainly about my back though. Nothing superior about all that. I'm nibbling at it. TONS of shame attached.


Well If I were labeled as having a personality disorder I think I could accept it if it made sense to me. I think I would rather know.

Hopalong

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #92 on: April 02, 2026, 11:56:17 AM »
Well, I kept trying to pin the label on myself and several therapists told me to cut it out, I'm NOT a narcissist. I'm lots of other fun things: codependent, highly sensitive, bigly ADHD, and anxious. Also creative, quirky and open. Way healthier now.

(I was just terrified when I learned about what Nism was about 20 years ago -- it's why I came here -- and had all those realizations about my mother and brother, that I was obsessed with the subject for a long time. I saw Ns behind every bush and kept diving into their orbits, like with boyfriend M and perhaps Poet too...and my child). I realized I'd been groomed to feel familiar if not comfortable in that position. Nobody "planned" it for me and I'm not a victim any more. It was just where nature and history put everybody, I guess. But I think I'll always need to be cautious and learn to put trust and vulnerability only in kind hands.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Meh

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #93 on: Today at 06:30:20 PM »

Been going to a nearby church for a few weeks/months. Philosophically I'm an atheist. It's that it feels like churches sometimes have something to offer.

The minister's kid came and shook my hand this morning when people are all greeting each other and I was coming in a few minutes late still in the entryway and trying to avoid the whole handshake thing this morning.

It was pretty heartwarming how sweet his family is. Like a person can SEE how there is a positive aspect to their lives in cultivating a warm type of personality.

The upside is somewhat the community though lots of people have been going to that same church for years apparently that is what they do. (Sorry if any of this is not clear I've got five or six days of headaches in a row going on just going to squint and not edit)

I feel like an outsider sort of only that the people are quiet friendly. I'm used to the outsider feeling. I'm not judging it I am just sort of thinking about why a person sits as an outsider. 1) trained to but 2) a person has agency & are allowed to have a foot in the incircle and the outcircle.

There have been some political topics that come up in the sermons and I try not to dwell on it. It's a conservative church and that partially doesn't bother me as I think the progressive churches would also be politically annoying to me.

I went to church to find an hour of peace and some reflection that kind of thing AND TO BE SOCIAL AND JUST BE AROUND PEOPLE who are not in high conflict mode.


Meh

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #94 on: Today at 07:02:24 PM »

Continuing...

Today I think even though the minister's kid gave me this sweet heart warming hand shake in the lobby... the talk started off interesting the topic was related to "superstition" and I thought great it's fascinating that the minister tends to bring up topics that I also was thinking about. I was thinking about how even modern churches seem superstitions. And then the minster went into something where he was blaming some bubonic plague of rats and tumors Samuel 5–6??? -- And the minister goes on to say how this bubonic plague outbreak was the wrath of god. And then later in his talk he talks about gays spreading AIDS... and he talks about STDs... and my skeptical science mind just wants to reject what he is saying because they are cherry picking illness. (I have a point that isn't religious eventually)

Churches don't say kids with Chicken Pox are having a demonic punishment. Or the common cold or the flu.

Am I disappointed that this church is so superstitious... maybe a little. It kinda scares me a bit but I guess the big thing is I know I am an outsider forever to this church thing.

I find the conservatives and progressives in society influencer activism annoying and I also find the two ends annoying in church.

It's terrible but I guess church is just a temporary social experiment for me. There is a part of some of these people they do seem genuinely nice people.

I think conservative churches have a right to not buckle under the political pressure to all become X that which must not be named X.

At the same time I see why people have an issue against the conservative religions.

MY REAL POINT -- I first entered the church with a lot of skepticism and I don't voice it outloud. I guess I am thankful to have a calm place to go sometimes. But I think I knew from the start that I would never be in this community for years or be an insider. And I think it's hard to be an outsider all the time.

Lately I've been trying to get out more and confront my social anxiety and it seemed like the church was a convenient near lifeline of coregulation.   I mean this was kind of the core of it for me not the politics. Some of the biblical messages are worth reflecting on.

I can't be picky right now. Wrecked my car and am not driving a long distance to go find a less superstitious more skeptical church.

ALSO I do find the in-person an antidote to modern culture. ALSO I do find the conservative old-school thing a bit of structure that I like. I guess purpose, organization, structure these are things I really do like. Maybe it mimics a high-functioning lifestyle idk.

In any case I am not making a political statement about the two sides of that social battle.

What am I saying.

I think I am simply saying I am experimenting with socializing but in the most mild safe ways possible. I like that in church there is a little bit of interaction but not a ton.

Also thought about going to a music event at a pub tonight but not sure if I have the full stamina for it today haven't been feeling good. See that is likely loud and it's going to be a guy on a stage with a guitar ... eh why am I analyzing everything so much.

I also like mellow acoustic music stuff.

Honestly I think I am a bit of one of those "highly sensitive people" whatever that means.

--- Is socializing worth the effort. The outcome seems kind of invisible and intangible. Is that my point.

Well I don't have a tribe that is my point.

Socializing is limited by proximity that is also my point.

Self agency I think means reflecting on what one's tribe even is and is it just a bunch of fluff on a screen.

Anyhow.

church seems nice and I do wish that maybe I had grown up in one but maybe not

just reflections not really any questions to the board in here - it's just thoughts about meeting people and what it means to be socially involved and how much is expected of me and my time and my opinions

I'm feeling strangely a little jesus-ified ... it's just hearing the content over and over again maybe is like brainwashing.

I've found value in the concept of lament, and interest in thinking about the idea of forgiveness and how it impacts the brain. But they lose me at superstition etc. 

lighter

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Re: Anything again
« Reply #95 on: Today at 08:51:50 PM »
Now that....was an interesting post, Meh.

Lots to experiment with, try on, and seek out, maybe.

I'll say....I enjoyed my church book club, and the elderly members, very much.  I also enjoyed the very small, evening Celtic services....such nice music....candles.....very intimate.

I volunteered where it made sense.....carnivals.....Easter Egg hunts ...popped in on choir practice, which was amazing!

You go try on some tribes, Meh.  That's proactive, and I look forward to being curious with you.

Lighter