What would you think about this comment?

[Stormchild Guesting]

OR, here are some links -- you may find them interesting and useful. Your X-elect sounds like my Nmom, and she had both Munchausen's and Munchausen's by proxy.

http://www.emedicine.com/emerg/topic322.htm

(this one is pretty word-heavy at first. Go about halfway down the page.)

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Marc_Feldman_2/

(this is a whole Web page on this stuff. He's a psychiatrist who has specialized in Munchausen's Syndrome.)

hope this helps. I'm not saying your NX-elect has this, but he sure sounds like a typical case.

((((OR))))

Storm

[Stormchild Guesting]

Oopsie, posted too fast.

OR, the above stuff does NOT mean he doesn't have MS, or any of the other stuff. My Nmom definitely had severe asthma and a psychiatric disorder, but she milked her illnesses for all she was worth, and mistreated herself enough to make the asthma into a lifelong, ultimately terminal illness (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease/emphysema).

She used illness as a way of grabbing attention, commanding sympathy, forcing others to do things for her, and evading her own responsibilities.

Sound familiar?

[Kaz]

Pretty hard to fabricate an MRI report.
Is there a possibility OR of getting copies of all or some of the results of the tests he's had, through your BIL? (Making sure of-course that they are copies, and not just his handwritten version).

I think it's important for you that you get to the bottom of what is the truth regarding his illnesses.
Again, it's OK to feel sorry for him, he's sick, and you're a compassionate person. But that's as far as it goes, you can't fix him. You tried your best already.

[Anonymous]

OR:

I think Mudpup is right.  MS,cancer, strokes do not cause one to threaten to shoot  you.  There probably is personality changes that occur (I can attest to this) with the onset of diseases.  However, having said that, what kind of person was he when there were no diagnosis to blame? He was an N then and he is a more horrible N now.

When my N H had his angioplasty did he tell me before hand?  No.  I was at work in the hosptial and he just waltzs in and tells me he is going down for an angioplasty.  Boom.  Right between the eyes.  When I asked him why he did this he stated "he wanted to spare" me.  Spare me?  It did not allow for me to make preparations for my son to be taken care of.  It did not prepare for me to do things that would help us financially i.e. increasing in life insurance, it did not allow for me to contact relatives ....he did this because he lived in a state of denial.  Later on when his heart problems became more severe, I begged him to go to the doctor with me so we could see what else could be done.  He would have none of it.  What he did do was pretend he didn't have a problem, running us increasingly in debt, pretending to be working from home when in fact he was playing around on the internet with other pathological individiuals.  So I relate.  

I think your N ex is not only an N but is also trying to milk his illnesses for all the secondary gain he can get.  You might as well come to terms with this because this is the nature of the beast in him.  This is the only thing has left to use against you, your daughter and your BIL.  He has been manipulative all along but just used other mechanisms to get what he wanted.  This just has to be the most convenient right now.  

Keep on keeping on.  Patz

[Anonymous]

Hi OR (and all):

I'm glad you're still here posting and getting support!

The only way to accurately diagnose MS is by MRI.

I agree with the others.....MS? Mini stroke? Ingrown toenail?  So what?  Whatever illnesses he can use against you, to manipulate you, to make you (and especially your daughter) feel sorry for him, etc, he is using and laughing all the way!!    

Gotcha!!!

Don't let him away with that.  If he has ligitimate illness, fine.  That is not why you left him.  It's his problem and he can deal with it.  He's an adult.

Threatening to shoot your wife is enough grounds for any wife to leave.  Staying away is the only safe thing to do.
It is best for you and best for your child to be safe from such a person.

As to his saying stuff because he believes it, fine too.
He said you are a whore.
I guess he believes it.
He threatened to shoot you.  I guess he believes that too.
Ok.....then that is a good reason to stay away.
Why would anyone want to be married to someone who threatens, calls their spouse such names, believes them to be true and continues in that direction with more insinuations and threats?
Isn't that what he's doing?  Insinuating that you are the bad one for leaving poor sick him?
And you are the bad one, for not forgiving him as the Lord's prayer teaches?
Let him go as nutty as he likes, I say.

How dare he use the Lord's prayer and try to twist it to his benefit?  Since when has he shown remorse or asked for forgiveness?
He can forgive you for leaving him then!!!
He's trying to use your beliefs against you.  He's trying to guilt you into forgiving him without taking any responsibility for his behaviour, without expressing sorrow, without doing anything to correct his behaviour and without doing anything to make up for the damage he has caused.

You can forgive him but don't do it because he is guilting you into it, or demanding it.  Do it when you are ready and do it for your own serenity.

I personally don't believe he is anywhere near as physically sick as he is claiming.  He is using too many angles and coming up with too many tricks to try to control you.  He's just trying to push your buttons again...this time....instead of calling you names and threatening you.....he's trying to dig into your good heart, your caing soul, your loving self......and trying to hook you there.  His mind is working very well and that doesn't usually happen when people are suffering severe illness.  They focus on themselves and on getting better and give up most other trials.

Don't let him fool you.  He's scaring you??  Forget it.  He's a coward.  Too terrified to even admit the slightest wrong he's done you.  Too frightened of being alone with himself to face himself.  So he consentrates on you, on how to get you back, and if that doesn't work, on how to get back at you.  Also, on how to manipulate and twist and guilt and appeal to your empathy and how to get his hooks into you again.
How to scare you?  How to work you?  How to torment you?  He's so busy working on you eh?

Let him play with himself.

GFN

[Anonymous]

Pretty hard to fabricate an MRI report.

Yes indeedy, but not at all hard to
(a) lie about it to someone who hasn't seen it (assuming it even exists)
(b) lie about its interpretation to someone who doesn't know how to read it
(c) use the health condition as a sympathy lever to exploit others/evade responsibility etc.

that was the point I was trying to make.

Storm

[Kaz]

Storm,
That's why it would be a good idea for the BIL to take a peek at the original reports (like I said).

[Stormchild]

Couldn't agree with you more, Kaz. It's a good idea for OR to have the facts on the ground, from someone she knows she can trust, so she knows what she's dealing with.

[OR]

Mud, Kaz,storm Patz thank you all for your insights.

My H has had physical problems most of our marriage, I have lived with the Idea he is in alot of pain all the time. This is why until discovering this web site was my reason to just let it go with him.  I know better now and understand the need to let him go his own way.
No allowing an excuse for calling me names or treating me the way he does.

Im sure he will run the reports by his brother to look at.
his brother is giving me emotional support about dealing with the  health issues.

His brother has felt the wrath of my H, for helping my D and I, he knows now the lies my H is willing to tell.

Storm, I will check intothe websites, Im almost afraid to find out anymore on my H's mental issue, the N stuff has me very worried about even being an Ex-wife.

Would you say he has the a full blow N-disorder?

GFN said

How dare he use the Lord's prayer and try to twist it to his benefit? Since when has he shown remorse or asked for forgiveness?
He can forgive you for leaving him then!!!
He's trying to use your beliefs against you. He's trying to guilt you into forgiving him without taking any responsibility for his behaviour, without expressing sorrow, without doing anything to correct his behaviour and without doing anything to make up for the damage he has caused.

OR

[Anonymous]

OR:

At this point he will probably try to use just about anything, The Lord's Prayer included, to get what he wants.  I think probably it might be sinking into his thick skull that there is no one left to manipulate and he now has himself to love and look into the mirror each day.  It can now be a real love feast for him.  He can ruminate to his little hearts content on "how everybody has done me so wrong".  What an N.  Patz

[OR]

Hi Patz,

well he said he would not ever e-mail me again, just look for the divorce papers in the mail.  living so far away and him having medical issues, gives me some peace.

I only answered his e-mails because I had left with my D, not wanting him to say I didn't let him know how to reach her. He wants to write her and e-mail her,I hope she will share anything concerning with me.

I had a friend call me for the first time since I moved, she went buy our house. She found my D's expensive school books in the trash.
I had been asking my H  to turn them into the school, he always ignores my request.
He threw them out just  days after we left. They were in her room, why he would take and throw her things out so quick, mine I could understand.
My friend retrieved 2 of 5 books for me. The school had asked for them at the time I was enrolling her into school here. I told them to call my H, don't know if they ever talked to him, he also disconnected our phone.


She had told me she saw him at the school the day we left, looking for her, I imagine the office let him know I checked her out leaving the state. Bet he was beyond words, or he likley told them I was more than evil.

We are feeling better every day, my D is at a youth group tonight.
She had her science teacher ask her to help some of the kids in her class, because she has already studied their 7th grade program.
He gave her a test today at the high school level and she past it.
She brought it home for me to see, she was very excited about her progress, she gave me lots of hugs.   Makes me want to cry.

[Anonymous]

OR:

So much for his sentimentality with personal effects of your D.  This really highlights the issue of how he objectifies people in general.  Whatever was important to you or your D wasn't important to him at all. He did not even have the decency to return something that was of value belonging to your D .........which shows his lack of respect for HER.  You should thank the Lord every night that you are out of there.

I am glad to see that your D is doing well in school and that she is involved in a youth group.  Every day that passes is a day that is moving forward.  

Keeping you close in my prayers, Patz

[mum]

Hey, OR!  I am so happy for you.  Your strength and courage are what is making this happen, I mean all of it.  It is no big mystery why your daughter is thriving.  You are showing her such power and such a positive, loving way to do life, that her blessings (and thus yours) have been just waiting to blossom into her life.  What an inspiration you are.
I will keep on sending you prayers of strength and love.  I feel blessed to know of your journey, so thanks for sharing it here.

[OR]

Mum, and Patz. thank you for all your support

today my H let me know he got notification from SSI,how he would block the payments by putting the payments into an escrow account until she is 18teen.
demanding to talk to her,( she talks to him at least 1 time a week,calling him from his brothers. ) I asked her to call him 4 times last week, like pulling teeth.
He wrote her a letter, I opened it (she got mad), I told her right now I need to know what he is willing to say to her,not trusting him. The letter told her to e-mail him.  Don't know how he got the address,he may have the phone number too.

He tells me he would say Im unfit, unstable BLA. BLA. If I spent the money I would have to pay it back. How I need to Itemize the money.
he is demanding ablood test.


THEN the other e-mail he wrote this AM, he tells me if my job doesn't work out how he will help me move back to CA. How if he dies my D would get his SSI.
The true side of him came out after he got the mail after noon.
I already have the statement saying I have been selected and the day I will be receiving payment.

I learned he got a large back payment for him and our D. He never told me. He better had saved some of it. I read his web page, he often talks how he wants to but himself something expensive. He wanted buy himself an item that was just about 400.00. just the other day. Guess I blew that purchace for him. (Ha)


He said he has a lawyer and trying to make me think he holds some cards, if I let him talk to our D he will not fight the SSI. He feels this belongs to him only, no mention about how our D would need the money.

So much for him never to e-maail me ever again, guess I got his attention.   OR

[mum]

Hi, OR.  I just have to wonder about these guys.  I just got another totally convoluted and contradictory email from my ex.  He never really says anything, but just goes on and on, posturing and trying to look smart and tough.  Like the Gary Larson cartoon of the dog: what we say to a dog: "Ginger, bad dog...get of the couch.  Lay down, Ginger" and what the dog hears: "Ginger blah blah blah blah.  Blah blah, Ginger".

I'm not sure if he's the dog and only hears his name, or if in trying to decifer his word-garbage, it just sounds like blah blah to me.
It's like he's a crazy person....crazy like a fox perhaps.  

Well, having physically removed yourself and your daughter from his tentacles is the most important thing.  Protecting yourself legally is next, if not already in place.  You'll be fine.  Hey, you're practically superwoman as far as I am concerned!