What would you think about this comment?

[OR]

MUM,I just don''t know how I would make it without the support form everone.

I just got another e-mail, he was letting me know more BlA, BLA.
he lets me know how he needs to be the one approving her SSI,
(he feels Im unstable)
how he has my address now and could call me anytime. (In upset my D gave him the address.)

He thinks I went into SSI to get his money, but not true. I couldn't find the cards to get her into the school, found out because the SSI rep, told me she was making the change. If I had not gome in I would never had known.

Now I feel worried about what trouble he wants to cause knowing my address.

[mum]

Hey, OR,  don't worry.  But maybe do something to protect yourself.  It's probably hard for you to start letting everyone in your new life in on your issues with him, but maybe your BIL can back you up: perhaps telling the school there is a problem with dad, letting the local law enforcement know what you're dealing with?  Do you have an attorney or a women's rights organization you can work with to get some muscle behind you , and some peace of mind?  Don't be scared, though, he loves that.  There is no need to be, as I highly doubt he will move from his couch!  Just thinking a little peace of mind would be good for you.  It's ok, his finding your adress was inevitable, and as screwed up as he is, unless you have a court order preventing it, he is allowed to know where his daughter is.  
Have you started divorce proceedings, or custody paperwork? I know it's hard to think this way, but isn't that stuff just nothing compared to the gettin' up and leaving?
I'm still sending you lots of strength.  We really do help each other here.

[OR]

MuM,

I have the Divorce papers with me here, I can't file here until I've lived here 6 mos. My H is telling me he is filing in CA, not sure what to expect. My neice was going to help me but she has not gotten back with me, will need to get with her again.

I will try not to worry MUM, send me some prayers to keep my H so busy he won't have time to worry about me. I have not responded to any of his emails in several days.

He is so mad I got his SSI for my D, Im sure he will be very motivated to give me trouble.

I will make some caalls to get some answers to my worries.

Thank you for your time, I need your positive thoughts.

OR

[Stormchild Guesting]

Hi OR - what Mum said, plus an added endorsement for getting your BIL to talk to people, like law enforcement, as need be. They will take a male much more seriously, ditto a brother, than they will take a female, especially a wife. Sad but true.

You want to do only the things that are needful, but you want them to get done - and stay done - with minimal repetition and waste on your part.

Ditto what Mum said about him getting your address because of having a right to know where your daughter is. Not much you can do about that, at present.

Very bright light at the midpoint of the tunnel: if he acts out in ANY WAY, anything that can be construed as stalking, it's a federal offense, because he has to cross state lines to harass you. Even via email! There's a Department of Justice (www.doj.gov) web site that has info on this, I think, if you want to look it up.

[Anonymous]

Hi OR:

I don't know the legal stuff where you are and hopefully you will be able to learn it and take appropriate steps.  I'm still thinking it's important to get a custody order, even a temporary one, if at all possible.  

He's still doing everything he can to push your buttons.  He demands this and that????  You're unfit???  He has your address???  He'll hold the money in an account until she's 18???

More name-calling.  More threats.  More N-behaviour.  More b.s.

I'm keeping you and your D in my prayers, OR.

Don't let him frazzle you up.  He's   and you are doing just fine!!

GFN

[OR]

I will be working on getting some answers on where I can get myself answers on legal custody here in TX.

I e-mailed my BIL, Pasted and copied him the  threating e-mail.

There is a part where my H says :
 "Your (sister in Law ) Helped you move to NNNN XXXX TX "  I know where you live, you can't play games or hide and seek.

Even if he doesn't think much of it, I let him know the e-mail was threating to me.

OR

[Anonymous]

Hiya OR:

How about the police officer you spoke with before leaving?  Do you still have his card/badge number/a way of contacting him?

Could you send this threatening email and other crazy stuff that your H has been bombarding you with, to that police officer?

I don't know what the law is where H is but there is a chance that that police officer could just go over and have a little chat with your H.  In a friendly kind of hi, how are ya, way, he could ask how things are going and then make a few suggestions about giving you space, the consequences of any threats, and let H know that the police are aware of his behaviour in sending you some questionable emails.

Maybe that police officer would do that for you?  I think you would have to call him and speak with him and ask him directly to do that.

Just an idea.

GFN

[Anonymous]

OR:

Hey girl! You are doing just fine.  All that stuff about the SSI is bs.  I should know because I had to do a bunch of stuff with SS when my husband died.  To get some piece of mind, log on to the SSI link on the SS site and it will give you chapter and verse on what is what.  As long as you are in custody of your daughter you are the legal guardian, therefore  you are the payee and representative of your daughter.  You are obligated to spend the money on her behalf.  I ususally keep all my receipts for my diabled son, denoting what is spent on food, lodging, misc. etc.  The SSI people will send you a once a year accounting of what you spent.  Just keep it in round numbers.  They are not very hard on you as to the cent, but just in percentages of what was spent on rent, food etc.  Keep all receipts until you go to court and through the proceedings so that you can show the judge that the SSI was spent on  your daughters behalf.  Make sure you also show how  you have been able to establish a predictable, secure enviornment for your D as well.  

The Ns problem is that he was counting on her SSI check for himself inasmuch he is not able to work and spends his money on things that are not productive.  As far as him bothering  you in D, if he is as bad off as he thinks he is, it will take all his energy every day just to live.  On the other hand if he is able to get around and is faking a lot of stuff, then get a restraining order from the D police.  They are much tougher in Texas.  I don't blame you for being aggravated at  your D, but she is still  just a kid.......sigh and can't appreciate the overall picture.  He is using her to manipulate things however and she is a pawn to him to get what he wants.   All she knows is it is her Dad.  It is interesting that it really took a lot for her to call him.  This is not the half of it as she gets older and realizes what a N he is.  

Keep on keeping on.  Patz

[OR]

GFN aand PATZ,

My H changes with the wind, I get 2 e-mails, one 8am, ask let communicate, he tells me how the dog needs awalk and he can't take her because of his pain. How I should remember how our dog could look disappointed.

The next e-mail 1pm his time, he  how he is telling SSI it's kidnapping because he can't reach my D by phone. You all know he talks to her and we have called him.  He is telling me how he will claim I need physicological help and I get into his drugs or I take drugs. (not sure what kind. Claims this is why I left, I have these problems.

GFN I have the police officer's number maybe I will do as you suggest.

Patz, my H let my D know he would want to come out here to vist her in the Summer.  I'm going to work fast to get the custody papers before then. I will check into the details on the SSI .

Got to go, my D is staying the night with her cousin.

OR

[Anonymous]

OR,
This is my opinion. Maybe its right or not, you decide.
If you can stand the stress of getting this goon's e-mails I would let him keep on talking.
He is hanging himself. If he tries to make a huge legal mess out of your divorce you have a lot of ammo to defend yourself, and he is giving it to you.
Falsely accusing you of drug use, kidnapping, etc. to others and admitting it to you in writing constitutes defamation of character. Repeatedly threatening you, questioning your sanity and using your daughter as a weapon constitutes intentional infliction of emotional distress. A good lawyer could come up with a lot more.
This stuff would be a hammer if he actually goes ahead and tries to make trouble legally. Especially since he seems so concerned with his money. If you needed to use this stuff against him, any competent lawyer he hired would tell him his goose is cooked if it goes to trial. Not only would your daughter end up with her share of the SSI, you might end up with his.

I hope your dog bites him, then runs away!   Of course he'll send an e-mail blaming you.

mudpup

[mum]

Hey, OR, I think mudpup is right. Give him lots of rope to do the job.
Let him keep ranting....and get a good lawyer.
Emotionally, it might help you to simply focus on what you need, want ,etc....work toward that.  You can't spend your life reacting to his behavoir (well, you know that!) so here's another place to cut that tie.  

Simply go ahead with what you want.  Make a list.  Prioritize it. (protect daughter, self, etc etc). but be specific. Then take one little action or make one decision each day toward your goals.  This will take the energy OUT of this screwed up relationship and put you on your own road.
This is something I work on every day, this seperation, or this removal of myself from the ex's energy.  It's already paid off for you, and me, but it always helps to remind myself that I am on a really good solid road...and to keep on walking.

I have come to expect that if I feel really good about how my life is moving forward, he usually butts in with some garbage.  I think they get crazier as we get healthier.  Close the lid..."not taking any more garbage,
but thanks for the tip that you're flinging it!!!" (then I get to take action to protect myself, without letting the garbage get in emotionally)

[OR]

Mudd, @ MUM,


Mudd,  I love your humor, I laughed so hard I had tears.

I hope your dog bites him, then runs away!   Of course he'll send an e-mail blaming you.

I heard it said this guy goes to the doctor, complains about his pains. The doctor writes up several perscriptions, says go home now.

The patient says: " are you going to give me all the perscriptions you wrote for me"?
The doctor said:
"This one is for your Wife, this one is for your Boss, this one is for your kids."  (you get the idea)
Everyone else needs to be fixed,this is why the patient is sick.

Maybe the Perscriptions were for all others to stay away,for their health.

I have not responded back on his e-mails.
Letting him hang himself,he is so good at that.

My H is so unaware of how he affects those around him. I believe he suffers from being an N so much, he thinks his agenda, to make me look bad, lie,tell others what he wants them to believe.

Having the authorities  react to such legal matters will be proven to make him out as a disturbed individual. It can be a painful thing to watch.

He  sent me another e-mail, telling me he is sending a package to my D.
The same e-mail tells me how he has claimed to SSI, I have kidnapped my D, how he has no contact with her. I imagine now I must get a lawyer to fight him on this.


MuM, I know how  important to keep connected with a positive look at my life. Keeping the Idea that life was intended to be positive,even when it appears negative.
I will keep with a Positive intention that things are going positive in my life. I will do as you suggest, make a list of the important things to accomplish.

 I heard it said if :

"You change the way you look at something, the thing you look at will change"


I imagine this can work for Positive or Negative.
We can choose the way we see life.  

My N-H, has lied so much he must truely believe it all. He must believe to keep others believing his outrageous lies.
People must look at me like I'M the crazy one. Having to prove the lies, is something I am subject to, but hate the Idea.

I am not lacking in proving him as unstable, I find it so Sad to show how pitiful someone can be.

I'm doing great on all levels, in CA,I had our computer where my H was nearby, I feel so much more relaxed to write without him over my shoulder.
Now I'm working on getting a suitable computer table and a new keyboard, some of the keys fell off in the move,  I 'm using my sewing table for now.   Forgive the aaaaaaaaa's when you see them.

OR

[OR]

It's 1 month to the day when I left Ca.

My H just called here, first time I have said a word to him in 4 weeks.
I said "hello", he asked our D.

I had just e-miled him, he will no longer get the married rate on the car insurrance. He needs to go sign a new policy, I'm removed.
NO response to the rude e-mail he had sent me earlier today.

My D had told him my lips had swollen up (Super Chapped).

This is what my H sends me: His mother was an extreame alcoholic,
Very Sad.

If your lip is the result of abuse
I need to tell you something
Being a child of an alcoholic
I have a non-confrontational personality
Most children of alcoholics internalize abuse to feel they deserve it or it's their fault
 
My point
I always knew what was going on I just never confronted you on it
I'm a gentle guy you act with other men the way you acted with me
They won't be the same
 
now you single & ready to mingle
I think you should know that in case your lip is the result of being hit
 
I was special & gentle, forgiving all your mean things
Don't expect you can act that way with others
I hope you find someone who will love you & be understanding of you emotional issues

He says he always knew what was going on??? Just what I need another Lie to worry about. Jerk.

[longtire]

Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

OR, I think when he said he "knew what was going on," he was referring to "everything" being your fault.  I don't think its a lie, I think he still blames you totally.   Yuck!  (Forgive me if you knew that and I misinterpreted.)

I can feel the hate/evil/denial/fantasy? in this and I'm not even involved in your situation.  Please don't expose yourself to more of this unless you are taking really, really good care of yourself.  Keep these Emails in a folder somewhere and only read them when you are feeling strong enough.  I don't care how strong and settled someone is, this kind of thing chips away a little bit of their spirit everytime they read it.

[Anonymous]

OR:

Glad to see things are continuing for you and your D in a positive way.  I read with interest Mudpuppys response.  I think if  you can stand the stress, all of the ex N's wacko responses to people in general will cause the judge to just look at  him and say "duh".  Especially the ones about him contacting SSI and accusing you of "kidnapping" your daughter.  What a laugh!  Does he think he is the ONLY one calling the SSA with accusations.  I bet the SSA gets so many wacko calls you would not believe.

My girl friend who was divorcing her ex N bipolar H......I remember this well.......He had to send in the support checks for the kids via the court.  Well, what did he do?  He would send in the checks ok but he would BURN cigerette holes in the checks.  When  the clerk of court continued to receive checks in this manner, she turned them over to the assistant DA.  The only thing his behaviour did was put the microscope of the law on HIM.  It was totally counter productive and was used in the court proceedings.   Not only did he get an increase in the amount of support he had to pay, but he also was told that he had to had court supervised visits with the children.  Did not go well with him at all.

The same can be said for your situation.  This N will hang himself with his wacko behaviour.  Just keep up with it all.  Courts definately do not like out of control behaviour.  This is all going to be in your favor OR.  

Just keep on keeping on.  Love Patz