What would you think about this comment?

[Anonymous]

OR:

All I can say is just conserve as much mental energy as possible for the mediation.  He will pull out all the "stops" to get what he wants.  He has to have that SSI check just to remain even financially.  That will be a long term committment he could count on.  He makes me want to hurl using Scripture for his own purposes.  He deserves the misery he lives in. His on Hell on earth and he dosen't even have sense enough to know it.  We can see the fumes all the way into this thread from his vapid, empty life.

Keep on Keeping On
Patz

[OR]

I checked my H's web site this is what he is saying to his web Pals.
true or not Im using it with his other e-mails.

I'm gonna fly to geneva this summer & put my money in Swiss franc backed by gold this summer i wanna send Lil dreamer to the american school there
Tue 26th 04, 05 | 22:01

I have to leave and pick up my D from chruch youth group.

[Anonymous]

OR,

I can't remember. Does your N know you visit his website? It seems like you said he does. What a N-ut.

They have a lot of very comfortable sanitariums with nicely padded walls in Geneva.
Maybe you could phone ahead, and the guys with the white coats and the big net could meet him at the airport.  
His brains have turned to cottage cheese, and they're past the expiration date.
He just continues to hang himself, IMO.

Praying for you, that he keeps e-mailing and posting to his website.

mudpup

PS. You're my hero too.  

[OR]

Hey Mud, you make me laugh I need as many laughs as you can send  my way.

The web site is open I thought it was only for members but my D has gotten on to the site sending him little notes now and then to say hello.
Knowing that, I guess he is so wrapped up in his own world, which I don't exist in any more, he just writes what ever. I always acted like "HOW DO YOU or Whats the name of your site. "

He may know I look, somethimes he writes boring stuff just chit chat, other times its stuff about what he will be buying for him self. I have not seen anything to mention WE ARE GONE. My D had asked him to remove a photo he had of her and how her friends at the NEW school looked at his site. I don't think he wants  to tell his buds a whole lot about it.

I know he talks like he is single and misses our D.

I have not talked about my H and his mental imbalance to our D.
sometimes she misses him and would like to see him and other times she won't say to much. I never tell her when to call him, I have never seen her pick up the phone to say I want to call him. She will for her friends and even our old neighbors. She never says tell my Dad hello if you see him  or talks to them about him.

She did say how she thought he could be silly sometimes and she thought her sillyness came from his side of the family. I think she wants to be funny like her cousins and needs to connect somehow.
It can be a bit ODD when it's his family not mine. I want her to keep the positive influances in her life, and will not let my H take that from her.

I do believe with is poor attitude towards his brother he will no doubt try and poision the relationships.

I don't know what to think about the comments on his web site, I know  he has money he didn't want me to know about. He will soon find out his lies will be exposed.

I feel sorry for my D, to think her Dad would do such harm to his family. Money does wicked things to desparate people. I hope the judge will see him for the selfish person he is. I can't bare to tell our how her uncle said he didn't even want her, how he was willing to leave to be on his own start over. I do believe he realized her SSI was worth keeping her around. He tells me how he will be working soon not to get used to the money from her.

When we go before a judge I know my D wants a Dad, she will be sad to think I would not want her to just go with him like he wants her to.
Now I will worry he will take her far away if he could.

OR

[OR]

My H just called, he talked with our D. He wants her to come out to CA
She told him she was going to camp and didn't want to come out until after June.

She had to defend me, after he told her I was doing this to keep her away from him. She told him no, she wanted to go to camp.

Just before he called he e-mailed her, she was telling me how he claimed he was only receiving 15.00 a month.

I showed her his original Divorce papers the one's I took out of our room just before I left for Texas.
He said he had over 8,000 in the savings and made over 2,200 a month.
I never showed her this but wanted to show her how he lies.

he is telling her how I only want her here with me to get her SSI money.
He told her he is putting her SSI in an account until she is 18.

SSI did call me telling me my H said he had custody of her.
They are still looking into giving her the money, I don't know for sure what they are going to do.

He is saying He will be asking for custody of her. I taked to the court today they are going to get me a date for temp custody,I call them on Friday to confirm. They have nothing filed from him for custody.
I have the old case number from 10yrs ago, she did note the infomation and will inform the court to review if it's valid or not.  

He sounds upset about losing her money. if it is kept in an account that's ok too, as long as he can't get it.
I did ask the court to do an audit of the money, he has received.

He tells our D none of what I'm telling her is true, he only gets 15.00 and he is having his legal aid file kidnapping charges on me.

So much fun, Im going to bed good nite. OR

[Anonymous]

OR:

As your D gets older, more educated, there will be no connection to her father.  He is digging the hole deeper and deeper in this relationship.  She may be a child right now but that will not always be the case.  

Even after he is dead and gone she will continue to know the truth.  The one who is mature to take care of her needs, the one who sacrificed to do what was needed.  That person is you OR.  He may win a few battles here and there but the one that really matters is being lost on a daily basis.  

The interference of a small thing like her going to camp.  Small things add up.  Your D will come to realize that this is just the tip of the iceburg with this N when she gets older.  She will be badgered by him to interfere with her life for his benefit and this will get old pretty quick.

Children are smarter than what we give them credit for.  She knows what is going on.  Just keep on keeping on OR.  

Much love
Patz

[Anonymous]

Hiya OR:

He tries to shake you up good and when that doesn't work....he tries to shake up your daughter.  Why am I not the least bit surprised?

Don't fall for it.  Be calm and sure with your D.  Explain that Dad has some problems and doesn't always behave nicely.  Don't cover for him.  Wait until you feel less emotional (have had time to think a little) and then talk to her.  Ask her how she felt after the conversation?  Whether she believes what her dad is saying?  Let her know that if she wants to talk about anything.....it's ok and you'll be there for her.  I'm sure you're already reassuring her that you love and care for her and want her to feel safe and comfortable.  Tell her it's ok to say:  "I feel uncomfortable with that......or talking about that.......or doing that......etc".  Maybe this might help her deal with him some??

Try to help her get her fears/confusion/whatever she expresses on the table.  Maybe you're already doing that.  Just that I know it's hard in such a chaotic situation sometimes.

He's grasping at straws, OR.  Slowly winding his own rope around his throat.

He said he had over 8,000 in the savings and made over 2,200 a month. I never showed her this but wanted to show her how he lies.

Why not?  Do you think there would be something wrong in doing that?
I'm not sure.....so I'm interested to hear what you're thinking/what others think?

Hang on OR!!  This won't last forever!!  Thinking of you especially this Friday.

(((((((OR))))))

GFN

[Anonymous]

Hi OR,

I have not talked about my H and his mental imbalance to our D.

Do you think she is too young to understand or do you think she might believe you are just attacking him because he and you aren't getting along?
She must realize he acts like a nut, right?
Does she ever say why she thinks he acts this way?
I'm not saying you should talk to her about it or not, I was just wondering why you haven't.
Are you concerned about him alleging PAS? That is definitely a legitimate concern.

When we go before a judge I know my D wants a Dad, she will be sad to think I would not want her to just go with him like he wants her to.
Now I will worry he will take her far away if he could.

I think she knows who has been there for her, through thick and thin.
I have faith that with the documents you have of his physical and emotional conditions and insane comments, coupled with your rational careful reactions, and the testimony of his own relatives  that he will never be able to take her far away from you.
Praying for you and D.

mudpup

[OR]

HI Mud and all

Do you think she is too young to understand or do you think she might believe you are just attacking him because he and you aren't getting along?
She must realize he acts like a nut, right?
Does she ever say why she thinks he acts this way?
I'm not saying you should talk to her about it or not, I was just wondering why you haven't

Mud for reasons of protecting her self Image I choose not to grind the salt into the wound.
For so long I believed it was his Meds. I would tell her it was his medicine  to have patients with his outburst.

When I discovered this web site I learned about the ways of the N and the distruction he could do without a care to anyone.
I knew I was not safe and to discolse too much to her would only scare her. She knows some things he says are WACKED. She wanted us to leave more that once.

I tell her out of love for her and her saftey not hurt to HER DAD, I need to be very careful. I don't know where I stand with my legal Issues and to protect her from a poor image of her father : He is Narrssitic, Hypocodia, emotionaly unstable.

With the pending divorce in Nov. I want her to be safe, however she knows he can be verbally abusive more than anyone.
Only now is she feeling safe to speak of hurts from him. She wants a bonding so she will pick out what ever good she can find like  the cool stuff about her dad and in time will need to face the trama he has caused.  

I say to much and the N will sniff it out to cause her hurt.
How do you explain N, do I use the N word for all the N things he does?
I'm also reading the Hypocondia. How do you explain that one.
Doctors have reports about his health, I don't know for sure what is real.
The fact that his health has been the big reason for putting up with his crap all this time.  


I did ask her if he is telling her something she is not feeling good about to let someone know. I would want her to tell me but then it becomes a betral thing. She will tell me what he says but it may not be everything.
She has a larger support group here, I will encourage her to talk with someone.

In time as she feels safe I will expose more to her.
For now her Dad calls her, she doesn't call him. She does e-mail him.

He sends her little gifts to let her know he is thinking of her.
But will then poison the giving with something hurtful like something mean about me. She said he tells her how Im making it so she can't see him or some way he will be getting custody of her and moving back to CA.

She wants to see him for a short visit in the summer.
He expects to see her before then with out a court order. Im waiting for this OSC sometime in July. We have him settled until she comes back from camp after June, So maybe he will calm down for  a little bit.

He does not know about the OSC until they give me a court day.
He has no papers filed yet but is making a fuss and may be filing something as we speak.

Our D is at a friends tonight.  She loves it here and is looking forward to going to camp with her friends.  

OR

If you have ideas on this let me know.

[Anonymous]

Hi OR,

I really was just trying to understand how you have handled the issue of his emotional and physical problems with her. I wasn't advocating you do anything different than you are.
After hearing you explain her perspective and your's, you are doing it perfectly, like a good loving mom.
You're being patient and trusting her common sense and your own good influence to let things unfold on their own. I wouldn't do anything different than you are after hearing what you said.
You're a very wise lady.
I know its a time of uncertainty, but I have very good feelings about you and D. I hope you can stay optimistic and confident that his behavior will cost him in the end.
Prayers for you and D. It sounds like she is really adjusting well to her new home.

mudpup

[OR]

Mud, I do appreciate your thoughts regarding my D.
I want the best for her and often wonder how to deal with such fragile feelings of a 12yr old.

My H just e-mailed me Happy Mothers Day but not before he reminded me how unhappy he was. How it is something I caused for him to be unhappy, how all the holidays were nitemares but nothing he did. He thanked me for making him a Dad.

He tells me to wish the best for him in his radio . He said he love  all his fans. He has been there less than a week and already he is a star amazing how the N mind thinks about his ego.

He wants  me to work with him on our Divorce and having our D for him to share all his web radio stuff. He claims life is very wonderful for him since I left.

I spent the time to paste and copy my writings on this thread. I will take the time to read through it sometime. I got choaked up as I saw my life changing and how many friends I made on this thread . I am so gald I am away from my H to find peace in my life. I find things going well for myself and have a lot of support from friends and family.

I think I am gald for my H, what better N supply for him than his own ego
thinking he is a star.  I think it is the best way to keep him from wanting his N supply for myself or our D.

OR

[Anonymous]

He said he love all his fans.

Well, he said he loved you too, and then threatened to shoot you.
He may have a short career if he expresses his love for them the same way he did for you. How sad and pathetic. Its pitiful the way they think, even after they're exposed, that people still believe them.

I got choaked up as I saw my life changing and how many friends I made on this thread .

I know you poo poo it, but you have been a real inspiration to everybody here.  

I think I am gald for my H, what better N supply for him than his own ego
thinking he is a star.

You're the genuine star not him! He's a falling star.

Have a great Mother's day, OR and God bless.

mud

[Anonymous]

OR:

Happy Mother's Day!  Glad to see that things are continuing with you and your D.  Don't let the N get you down.  Just think, he has his on little fan base to give him N supply.  Maybe he will let you and your D alone when he really gets important!  I mean Ns who are important don't have time for lesser beings such as ourselves.   I am being scarcastic because I also heard from my N brother on Mother's Day.  What a trip or lack of that is.  It never ceases to amaze me the entitlements N think they have with all of us.  Your ex NH really expects you to drop everything and ship your D off to CA because he wants it?  You are doing everything just right with your D.  It is a fine line that you travel.

Mudpup is right.  You have done so much in the last 4 months.  All of it progress.  It is amazing when you finally get the peace and quite, no chaos, even the small things give you confort.  Like coming in from work and no one there to "walk around like eggshells" after a hard day.  Not catering to their little fanatical whims.   Not taking blame or ownership of things you have no business taking owership of.  It makes you really look at their lunancy for what it is.

Mudpup:  I thought you might enjoy this from my N brother.  He calls me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day.  I told him it was very thoughtful of him.  Then he is unhappy because he has not seen me in two years and if I wanted to see him..........well could he use MY frequent flier miles to come see me.  If he were a destitute individiual I might consider it.  However  he is a millionaire and a ticket for him would not exceed $400. What is wrong with this picture.   It did not occur to him that I might want MY frequent flier miles to do something for myself.  Also it did not occur to him WHY I have not visited in two years.   He asked me to get his ticket as if he were entitled to it.  It is amazing, truly amazing.  He has no concept of the word NO.  Patz

[Anonymous]

Oh my God Patz,

What an absolute and complete jerk!
He wants to use your FF miles to honor you with his presence. And he's a millionaire. You get to pay to have your millionaire Nbro abuser come and abuse you. That's one of those things that if you think about it long enough, the anger might start dissolving into laughter at the obliviousness to his own repulsiveness.
Why is it the most repugnant people on earth are always the ones who want to inflict their presence on others?

Maybe you could offer to buy him a ticket (one way) on a slow boat to China. With a hole in it. And a crew of very, very lonely ex cons.

Sorry he's such a chump Patz.

mudpup

[Anonymous]

Hi All:

Hiya OR!  Belated Happy Mother's Day to you and all the other mommies here!!

I did ask her if he is telling her something she is not feeling good about to let someone know. I would want her to tell me but then it becomes a betral thing. She will tell me what he says but it may not be everything.

That's why it might be a help for her to know to say:

I don't feel comfortable talking/doing/hearing about ....that...." to her Dad.  That way....if she doesn't want to tell you....she has an option to help her deal with his idiocy.  That way she can stand up for herself to him (which isn't fair...she shouldn't have to do that....but the chances are high that she will...because he's....a big jerkdope (   )....but she may not wish to tell you about it....feel like she's betraying...etc.

Anyway OR......I'm so glad you are seeing how far you've come in this short time!  You have truly gone from a bad situation to a much better one...mostly on your own....mostly because you've been brave and prudent and determined!  You really are an inspiration!!

Patz:  Ditto what Mud said.   How ridiculous!!  How utterly absurd people are sometimes eh?    Hope you had a happy mother's day anyway!!

GFN