What would you think about this comment?

[OR]

Thanks, MUD,GFN, Patz

Patz,  I think people with money can be like this more than we care to think. You spend yours so he can hold onto his, nice guy.

Today on the radio I heard about a brian scan study done on the guys  who shot the students at Columbine school
They found defective readings in the frontal lobe the section for empathy and  compassion.

I know Narrsisstic behavior is lack of empathy and compassion.
Maybe there are some levels that could cause someone to kill like these kids, Scott Peterson or  other N's.
The study did not talk about N behavior only the scan results of these kids were all the same. I thought it of intrest and will look for more data on the subject.

My H sent me an e-mail explaining there were results from a brain scan with  abnormal readings. I don't think I have this report but I have been thinking how he talked about  getting a gun to shoot me.
I have had a lump in my stomach to think he may be so far gone.

How will I get someone to understand the connection. For now I do have the other medical report and now the brain scan that can see a physical symptom.

In the e-mail he said he would be able to forget about the past.
How I should  let it go because he has.

I remember reading this afraid he could shoot me and claim he doesn't remember because of the abnormal readings. He claims it's from the MS or the major drugs he is on.

I scare myself to think I would suspect my H could  kill me. I heard this today and will be adding his e-mail about the brain scan to connect the comment about the gun.

OR

[Anonymous]

OR:

It falls into the catagory of when my N father asked me to "let by gones be by gones".  This is after all the Nness.  I think it must be like taking a drink of water to them.  They wake up the next day as if nothing has happened.  Just what did he expect  you to do after he threatened to physically harmed you?  Gimme a break here.

It reminds me of all typical abusers.  They will beat up on you and humiliate you then the next day it is all sweetness and light.  This is because of their ego being their universe.  Nothing outside of it matters and only the decisions and their purpose matters. Your ex NH has  to have a frontal lobe in the first place to know something is wrong! It just goes to show the extent of his "state of mind" when dealing with "perceived" problems with you.  

Yeah my N brother is a real trip.  This is his standard MO with most people.  He gets them to PAY for the priviledge of being around him.  He wants to visit ok but it has to be on his terms.  Well, he can stay where he is and I certainly am not going to expose myself and my son to such Nness.  Realizing of course that when he made this statement to me that I had on many occasion gone out of my way to visit him at MY expense and did not ask for any help from him.  This was ok because he did not have to put out any effort.  Everything is ok so long as it is on his terms.  Typical N.   Both of my brothers really make me so very tired with their stupid little mean N universe.

Patz

[OR]

Patz,

The study is dealing with Teens who commit crimes and the Idea the brain is not developed yet and should they be held accountable for their crimes.

I will keep reading, don't know if I can find enough to show a judge his questionable remarks about the gun and the idea he may have the ability to be harmful.

I checked his web site and see he talks about his young girl fans and meeting up with one on friday nite. I feel like I took a slug in the stomach.
Not so much I care but just the reality of his thinking.
I guess his ego is so big and he wants he buds to think he's got it goin on.

Just before the comment about the girl,   he says how he put out a dedication to the mothers that have lost their children or don't know where their children are.

I hope our D does not read what he is saying about this girl he met.
I guess we both need to get used to it.

OR

[mum]

Hey. OR.  Did I miss something?  Is your ex REALLY so "hot" that he actually HAS a young thing interested in him?  Maybe those delusional comments are more lunacy that can be used in court?  OH jeeez, Louise!
He can't be for real!!
I am sorry you are hurt by this....he sounds as crazy as a loon, however.

[OR]

MUM,  just felt like a physical hit in the stomach.

Don't know much more than that. I'ts the mind letting go after 26yrs.
I have never cheated on him and there has never been any time I have had to deal with another woman.

I want him to move on, like myself.  He has always been flirty but to see him writing about it is a bit of a shock.
I expected him to move fast this would be the MO of an N.
he would need his N-supply young and as quick as possible. N's are like reading a book they seem to be so much alike. I will get over it, I think I will be fine.

My H is very good looking and even though he has many medical and mental problems these things can't be seen. He does take his cane to walk but maybe all of that was a lie too.

OR

[Anonymous]

OR:

I am sorry about the post he made about the girl.  It may or may not be true.  The fact is he will eventually  meet another female to give him the adoration he desires.  It is hard when you realize it is not about you or your daughter and never has been.  It is all about HIM.  All the work and effort toward the marriage was about you so long as it benefited him.  This is the cold hard truth with all Ns.

 My N brother that I heard from on Mother's Day has this very needy girlfriend that will absolutely do just about anything he wants.  This includes leaving her daughter on holidays to come be with my brother.  Yet when there are family functions he will not bring her around.  It is truly sad to see how Ns use and abuse people.  This poor creature works for my brother, is a single mom, who has to have the pay check.  She will go to his office in the 4AM time slot, manage his properties, is at his beck and call sexually speaking etc., and he might pay her 30K a year for all of this.  

Hopefully if the girl is young enough that he proclaims to hook up with, it will be jail bait time.  You never know these days when you start dealing with people on a one to one basis exactly what you are getting.  I am just so very glad you are out of this situation.  The hurt will subside as you get further and further away and really begin to see in perspective what he is and the unfortunate part you and your D played.  Just hang in there and it will resolve, just make sure it resolves in the best possible way for you and your D.

Much love,
Patz

[OR]

Patz, Thank you for your thoughts, I don't know what I would do with out the encouragement.

This AM my H e-mailed me thought I was going throw up after he tells me to call him and if I was listening to his broadcast, He talked about me.
Not sure what he said about me but with the frontal lobe defect he must have forgotten he has fans that care more than I do.


I have to go to work Patz, it's sad when your heart wants family to treat you with some warmth and understanding and all you get is their cold reflections.

Hugs OR

[Anonymous]

Hi OR,

It seems like you have an awful lot of evidence on this creep already. Would it be possible to just let him e-mail you but not read them for now? Or maybe block him altogether?
What good is it doing you to listen to him?
It sounds like maybe you should just take a break from the galoot until you absolutely have to deal with this stuff. He's winding you up like a tin soldier at the moment and manipulating your thoughts and feelings.
If you could just dump his letters and e-mails into a big bin without reading them until you need to, he would still be incriminating himself but you wouldn't have to be dealing with it now.
Or maybe just dump any new ones altogether and never read them.

He's messing you around, and you don't need that.

mudpup

[longtire]

OR, I agree with mudpuppy.  Take care of yourself first.  Part of that may be NOT reading STBXH's EMails for a while.  From the things you have posted (only a small bit, I'm sure) it sounds like your STBXH will say or write ANYTHING that he thinks will make him look better to others.  It doesn't have to be true or real in any way as long as he THINKS it makes him look better, smarter, faster, more desireable, etc.  Ignore his infantile fantasies, they have NOTHING to do with reality.

[OR]

Thanks Mud and Long, I will consider your thoughts about setting aside his e-mails. I will have him post our D's name if it concerns her.

Inside I am upset. I have been thinking more about the radio broadcast about the kids with frontal lobe defect who killed the kids in Columbine.

I went back and read my H's email about his medical description of the brain having several white masses 7mm on the interior frontal lobe.

Ok, he has defective brain mass can it ever be fixed, I don't know.
Will this mean until this has changed he will not be safe to take care of our D. Planning to deal with him as we divorce what precautions do I take for all of our saftey.

I understand he will continue to make himself sound wonderful to others.
I don't expect changes over night, I am so afraid for our Ds future.

Difficult enough to leave a bad marriage but to think about a physical symptom seen to relate to killer instinct, Im upset and afraid.

He just emailed me saying if Im not going to let our D come see him he will send her envelopes to write him. He has already told her he plans of fighting for custody.
I must lay out the medical reports to label him unfit.
It's one thing to say I "think" he has this N problem or something's not right but to have the evidence in front of you, it sets an impact so deep and with much confiction to accept and follow thru to protect the family.
I wish there was more hope, I just don't see any for him.

I for some reason wish I could give him a magic pill so his brain would function without having killing thoughts. How do I explain to our D what I  I now understand about her Dad, when all the rest was bad enough.

I can't disscuss it with him, he would lie about any danger to us.

I wish the doctors could be more helpful with his reports but they have already told me they can't disscuss his medical reports with me.

D wants to get on the computer will calm down and talk later .

OR

[Stormchild Guesting]

Re his medical records and the doctors:

They may not be able to talk about them to you, but there should be a way to get the records into what lawyers call 'discovery'.... Anna will know more about this. I'm not sure how far a subpoena can go with the doctors... HCFA has had an impact, and I don't know exactly what it is.

But you definitely want that Columbine parallel discussed. By someone else, preferably male and in a suit.

[longtire]

OR, it makes sense to me that you would want to find a way to fix your H's problems.  both for him and that it would make your and D's life a lot easier.  Whether his issues are physical, emotional, or mental, I have not heard of any miracle treatment or surgery.  Even if surgery removed a mass in his brain, he would still need years of voluntary hard work in talk therapy to sort out all these years of his issues.  I'm sorry this situation is really hard on you and your D.  You don't deserve these things.  

He's sending envelopes so his D will write him.    Yeah, I'm sure that's why she hasn't written him yet, you've hidden all the envelopes.  Do kids even know how to write letters today?  Isn't it all EMail and IM'ing?

((((((((((OR&D)))))))))

[Anonymous]

OR:

Is it possible to express your concerns to a medical doctor in your area and maybe get some feed back?  I think someone mentioned Anna, she might know more about the privacy issues surrounding the medical records.  She might know more about the "discovery" processs and can explain it.  Maybe if you could talk to another medical doctor in a general way he could help with some of your fears.

After reading your post today, I got to thinking about the issue of him and his radio BS.  My last N relationship after it began to end, the N would come by to let me know how well he was doing, what he was doing blah blah.  Of course it was all great, spectacular etc.  It occurred to me that he was somewhat like a little 6 year old boy showing you his new toys.  It was if he was saying "see how bright and shiney and new they are and don't you wish you had this".  I think it is similar with this nonsense with this radio bs.  He is just waving this in your face like a 6 year old.  First you can play with his "new toys" and admire them and just like a 6 year old, no you can't play with them today.

I finally quit responding to all this and he got tired and went away.  He was not getting any N supply, negative or positive.  Maybe Mudpup is right.  Just put all that stuff in a folder on the desktop and look at it later.  It is to much right now.  It is the same blather you have been hearing all along and really doesn't add anything.

My concern is the same you have for your daugther.  It is only through your explanations about his health that might make it easier for her, especially when she is older and realizes how wacko he was during this time.

Much love,
Patz

[OR]

Long, Patz, Mud

Today my D received her package with envelopes a gift and a letter.

I let her know the docotrs found something on her Dad's  brain and for now she may read something that I may need to know to keep her safe.

I decided to respond back to his e-mail from today. I have not responded back in a month and believed it would be the right time to let him know unless I had a medical report about the brain scan I would not feel safe to consider sending our D to CA. I wanted him to call his doctor to find out about medicine he might be taking to help him.If he does not make me feel safe she will not go.

He tells me how he was having more surgries and the SSI would stop because he would make them stop ( SSI already removed the Protest, he doesn't know ) but he said after surgries he would get WC.

I did not mention anything about the money,  only I needed him to send his medical report to his brother to review.
His brother is in the medical field and may know something. I don't expect my H to send a report he may blow it off as nothing, but it may buy me time to delay any visits.

Im going to go to bed, last night I had dreams about men and some type of danger just so worried about everything.  I feel better today.

I'm sorry if I don't respond to all the help you send my way
I only have a short time to write today.

[d'smom]

OR i wish you had a good lawyer to help you with ths stuff....

I dont know much about discovery, except its the informaton lawyers ask  for and reveal to each other, before the hearings begin; I dont know if he has the power to refuse or not, if you request somethng (his records) in discovery. i dont know how you can get ahold of his records otherwise. although, a good lawyer might be able to tell you your rights.

I know you can petition to have him evaluated in different ways... id really be looking into this, becuase if you can get him passing some of these evaluations as a condition to spending time with your daughter, it sounds like he probably wont pass them.

if you are able to petition that -before- he is allowed custody (or even visitation) that he pass these numerous evaluations, that he probably will not pass, it may be a stumbling block for him. but, a laywer will help a lot in getting that organised.

just some thoughts. dont be too afraid of the things in his brain..... my feeling there is to let him think he is in control of things as much as possible. a lot of times people get more violent when they feel cornered. he may be less inclined to violence if he imagines he is in control.

stay on course.
d's mom