What would you think about this comment?

[longtire]

Hi OR!  Thanks for giving us an update.  I'm sorry, but not surprised, that STBXH is still trying to make problems for you and D.  I'm glad that you took a break for a few days to get away from the stress of even reading his messages.  I'm sure you're already aware, but I'll say it anyway to validate you. It doesn't matter at all what STBXH says his lawyer says.  The only thing there that matters is what the lawyers say to each other in official paperwork and what the judge says.

Keep up the great work and keep taking good care of yourself and your D.  Do you get a "vacation" while she visits her grandparents?  Do something fun for yourself this summer!  You deserve it!

(((((((((OR))))))))))       (((((((((((D)))))))))))

[OR]

Update:

My H just e-maile me a nasty note about the Visit to the grandparents.

I haven't asked my D if she told him but he tells me he doesn't want her to go.  He's threating me with legal action, BLA,BLA, BLA.    

He thinks if he can't see her no one should. They have rights to see her and just as good he is making a fuss so I'm sure to have their rights to see her in it's leagal place.

My BIL shows me a letter my H wrote him, he talks about how he's working with a christian radio station and they told him to write his brother a letter. What a joke the letter never says sorry only how everyone is against him for no good reason.
How I've split them apart and he is sorry. that I have done this.

Amazing. I still have nothing from any lawyer no name address or any date from them for me to be in CA on the 8th.  

I do have my Aug 1st date that if he did have a lawyer looking on the court web site he would know about this Aug 1st .
I did get the papers in the mail and must send them to him 10days before the Aug 1st. I'm going to wait until the last minute to serve them.

I have been very busy with other things in my life and much more happy.

I went to see Joyce Myers here in Dallas, she signed my book and I got a picture with her. I was so excited to see her she has changed my life.
I would watch her in CA when ever I could and learned she was going to be at the Barnes and Noble this Friday. I stood in line with 200 or more and shook her husbands hand and got to tell her eye to eye how much she has done for me.
Because of her ministry I had found strength to change my attitudes to help me overcome some of my daily struggles.
She signed her new book Approval addictions. I'm reading it now.

My N husband would make comments everytime I would watch her on TV, how she only wants money, never would listen to her speak only put negative into what I was doing. There were a lot of men standing in line, Im glad some of them heard her message.


Were going to a pool party and Sunday after chruch my D goes to camp for 5 days.  

Have a great day everyone ............OR

[mudpuppy]

Hey OR,

Good to hear from you. You sound great.

I know you're gonna kick his a**!
As a Christian I'm sure you'll kick it in a loving way, but kick it nonetheless.  

mudpup

[OR]

Hey mudpuppy,

I just got back from the pool party, had a great time. It's fun to meet new faces.  

Got home to find another e-mail with lots of anger, I just write "e-mail received"  He says the most hurtful things pulling out all the stops to get me where he thinks it hurts. At first you want to respond back but a few seconds later I shut down and find no response is better.

I guess showing any response to the remarks will only give him what he wants. I know at some point communication is important but I can't get past the hurtful comments to even say he is hurting me.


D is going off to camp 2 hrs away to Oklahoma with Ed Youngs ministry.

She is torn about her Dad, she wants to believe he is like other Dads she has recently met. I think as time goes on she wants to believe now what her mind will accept. She wants her Dad to be normal and is having to compare others to her not so normal Dad.

I need to work on this for her. .............OR

[Brigid]

OR,
I'm sorry that the beat just goes on and on where the H is concerned, but at least he keeps burying himself deeper and deeper.  I think its a good thing that you D is beginning to understand that he is not a "normal" dad.  Hard for her, I'm sure, but she will be able to start developing the tools necessary to deal with him, or not, depending on what she eventually chooses to do.

You sound great, tho.    Keep it up, kiddo, as you are a real inspiration to many women here.  I'm so proud of you.

Blessings,

Brigid

[OR]

Bridgid  Thank you so so much for keeping me inspired about myself

I have been restless all night about my D. She is on her way to camp for a week, Im going to miss her.

I wonder how she will present her dalimas with others. She may find others that have divorced parents willing to share.

Being divorced is bad enough but dealing with an N having major emotional issues and on Morphine makes the situation more difficult.

She is trying to find herself and wants  so much to have her parents to be normal. I believe her letters from her dad may be full of N manipulations.
She is young and not sure what to believe.

I have told her a little bit about the medical reports but being an N has so many levels Im not sure how to present anymore than what will make her safe.

Today I want to find a way for her to understand herself but weave a positive refection about what she is dealing with at home.

I will find the words somehow to take a Negitive to a Positive.
About her family so she can be proud of who she is.

Im rambling .... OR

[Brigid]

OR,
I totally understand what you're saying about how our children choose to present their home situation to others.  My children are older, but that doesn't necessarily mean its easier for them.  It could even be more difficult and in our case everything came as such a shock, none of us had any prep time.  I think my kids just don't talk about it, except to maybe one or two very close friends.  Unfortunately, neither of them has a close friend who comes from a divorced family, so none of their friends can relate.

I hope your D can find a comfort level with someone to talk about her situation.  You and I know how helpful that is to our healing, so it can only be true for them as well.  Is she going with a friend to camp or on her own?  I hope she has a wonderful experience and can just have fun and feel like a normal kid for a week.  I would give anything to feel like a normal adult for a week.  

God bless,

Brigid

[OR]

Brigid


She is going with a friend. This friend and her family have taken us under their wing. The dad is great and my D thinks he is cool. She is wanting to connect with the male gender vs the female. She likes boys and it's all she talks about.

When I was young I liked being around men vs women because women can be so caddy. I want her to keep up with female friends and not think men are going to always want to be FRIENDS.

It is such a delicate time, being 12. Im learning how divorce affects the young mind. I fear getting it right the first time is critical to her well being.


Got to go Brigid  thanks for responding.   OR

[mum]

Hey, OR. Good to see you're doing fine.  I wouldn't put too much stock in your daughter's interest in boys as a side effect to having a nutjob for a dad. I remember distinctly that "boy crazy" stage.  My own daughter is going through the same thing....and we certainly had different type dads and parent situations.
You're a smart mom, so noticing this, and knowing it is normal, (AND that you still need to keep on your toes) will add up to things being fine.  
All teenagers need to feel this, and have a parent who will understand, provide guidance, without freaking out about it.

Remember, kids only need ONE good parent to really make it.  That's you.
You and your daughter sound like resilient, healthy people.  I'm sure life is going your way from now on.

[OR]

I wainted all day before I checked my e-mail
I just got this today from my H. my (BIL) is added in place of his name.

This sounds so threating to me, Im glad he is far away.
He continues with the blame for is condition to myself and his brother.  

He's talking about a blood clot I guess. He doesn't drink so Im not sure
what  the remark for his brother not to come to CA has to do with anything.
He's sent 3 letters to our D and a package on the way. She's gone to camp for now. I hope she is having a great time.

makes my P.E. travel to my brain
& cause a "lukoma" or something that sounds like it
 
a mini stoke
The neuro twisted my left foot
it seems the whole left part of my body is permanently effected
top of my head, ear, eyes arm leg & foot
 
He said "don't drink, you can't afford to lose any more brain cells"
So it would be best if BIL was considering coming with you on Aug 8th he should reconsider (I still have nothing for this date from any lawyer)

however it may take forever to not make the day BIL & my paths cross to be a life changing experience for him
 
At least my paralyzed left side will be a permanent reminder of the two of you

OR

[mum as guest]

HUH?  HUH?  Could you just write that back? "HUH?"

It seems pretty evident that your ex is not mentally stable.  If you are working with an attorney now, perhaps it's a good time to bundle up the nutty emails and get some sort of parenting plan in place that protects your daughter (supervised visitation...etc).

Jeez, OR, how you can deal with this guy is beyond me. At least my ex is somewhat sane....although I'm not sure that's better.

[OR]

Mum, I don't know what to think?

I belive the Meds have just sent him over the edge. I have already sent in the e-mails (a book of them) along with request for full custody.

I always go HUH ?  scratch my head, What the hell is he saying.

It's amazing he has his own web site where he writes music reviews.
He does not have the scatterd thoughts like he sends me. He writes about music from years ago and reflects back with a great memory and few typos.
I don't know what this BS is, he gives me all the time.

He is on the radio too, I have not listened to any of it but he sent an CD and I just heard his voice and couldn't bare to listen. I wanted to throw up.


Bazzar!!!!!!!!!!   OR

[longtire]

((((((((((OR)))))))))))

Keep going OR!  Your life is moving, his is not.  You are getting farther and farther away from him every day.  Keep checking things out with us here and we will keep telling you that you are fine and he is the one who is sick.  (As if you need us to tell you that.)  Still, it is good to hear it from others once in a while.

[mum as guest]

Hey, OR.  So strange.  I think you are doing the right thing.  I always think you have done the right thing.  And I don't think full custody is out of the question for you, either.  It is really strange that he is coherent in other venues.

Sometimes, I can't believe my ex; what he does, what he says, how he treats the children (and me!!).  But even though I am in the midst of legal garbage with him...I realize how much happier I am and how much closer to my goal I feel I get, when I can say: "Weird, pathetic loser".....and then let that scary energy go...and move on to thinking about my wonderful life instead.  I can get really down and dark thinking about all the what if's and focusing on his actions or potential actions (what I don't want!) and I see that I can get really happy when I drop that catastrophizing and just realize how much nicer my life is ....simply because I am not married to him!!! That alone, makes me a happier person.  so when I focus on what I do want, I think it brings that reality into perspective for me.
Naturally, we have to be smart, realize what we are up against, stay on our toes.....but we can do this AND be happier too.

Anyway, I think you are seeing that in your life. It's pretty clear that you are moving in a direction and picking up momentum that cannot be stopped, as Longtire pointed out.

Best to you, OR (my hero...still!!)

[OR]

Mum and Longtire

You both are so helpful in my life. I appreciate your time to help me in my struggles. I love this site and all the people here that want to help each other. Mum, you are always so positive and have been a bright light many times in my darkest days. Thank you soooo much.

I am doing good. Im so glad to be away from the nitemare I was in.
It is so much better to be free from my old life.

I feel great not walking on the eggshells around the house.
I see it now as manipulation to get his way. I don't believe he was in as much pain as he claimed. I know he was in alot of pain but maybe not as often as he wanted me to believe.

I on the other hand I see how I was manipulating too, trying to avoid the daily battles of trying to keep the peace for the family.
I'm not going to keep peace about alot more in my life.

Boundries are going up for my daughter so she knows how much I love her. I feel the 12 yr old about to see what she can get away with.
Summer is here and now she wants to stay home, not go stay the month
to see Grandpa.
We will be driving the 6hr drive in July together instead of her going by herself to visit.

Im going to be giving her some room to grow, allowing some trips to the malls with a few friends and a movie or two.

Anyone got some good teen punishments to share.

I got the no phone and computer down.

I need some Ideas.


Longtire, How have you been? I look for your writings to see whats going on with you. Your not using your old thread to update whats going on in your life.  I have been away so maybe I missed some good news.


OR