UK Law

[Cadbury]

Just a quick question that some of the UK people may have experience with:

How does an injunction work? What do you do to get one and how is it implemented?

I have always stopped short of this course of action because my ex has a son who he has recently won custody of in a very lengthy court battle. This little boy is 11 and idolises his father. I happen to think that he would be better off without his father, but it would destroy him at the moment. His mother is not even worth considering as a help here, she has rejected the boy since birth and plays around with him worse than his father. Anyway, the custody is under a care order at the moment and I think that if I got an injunction out against my ex he could lose his son.

I would also be interested to hear of those children of N's as to how this little boy's father may be affecting him, if the boy himself is happy.

My problem is that my ex is all the boy has known, so he thinks all the strict (overly so) parenting is normal. This is probably why he is happy with him, as he knows nothing else.

Any input appreciated! Thank you

[Anonymous]

Hi Cadbury,

Anyway, the custody is under a care order at the moment

which means that he is being monitored by social services?

I'm not sure that you taking out an injunction against him (presumably to stop him harrassing you?) would affect how social services see his caring for his son. They are responsible for his son's welfare - and his treatment of you may not be taken into account. He might harrass you, but if he's ok with his son, that's all that will matter to them.

And if his son is okay, that's all that matters. If his son was taken into care - meaning a care home or foster parents, who knows what might happen to him? He could well be better off where he is. If he's not being sexually abused, beaten up etc, then consider what might happen to him 'in the system'.

If you are concerned about his son, could you (do you) attempt to keep contact with the son? Can you offer to take him out, have him stay with you....etc?

Portia

[Cadbury]

Thank you for your response Portia.

I have tried to keep contact with his son, but it is difficult. My ex has discussed our relationship with his son (yes, with an 11 year old!) and so the son does see a lot of it through his father's eyes. My ex will often come out with things like "Even ------- can see how badly you have treated me". The full extent of the bad treatment is that I dared to leave him. He has cried in front of his son, shouted down the phone to me in front of his son and basically provided a lot of inappropriate material for his son to try and understand. This makes any relationship with the son difficult as his entire view of me is governed by his father's.

As far as the contact goes, yesterday was the first time since the break up that he hasn't contacted me. So fingers crossed he is finally getting used to the idea that he cannot force someone to be with him.

[Cadbury]

Another UK law related question is regarding contact with the new baby. I am happy for my ex to have regular and frequent access with the new baby, but a couple of things concern me.

Firstly, I will be breast feeding at first and I don't really want this disturbed. For that reason for the first few months I wouldn't want the baby to be with my ex for more than a couple of hours at a time.

Secondly, If I manage to break the contact with him until the birth, I don;t know how well I would cope with having to see him again when the baby is here. I suffered post-natal depression after my second daughter was born and I am likely to be a little low straight after the birth. I don't want him to be able to "attack" me when I'm at a low. So how can I deal with this? Any advice appreciated!

[Portia]

Some law for you Cadbury:

From:  http://www.rosleys.co.uk/children.htm
“Children and the Unmarried couple
The Children Act 1989 created the concept of PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY (PR). This can best be described as a bundle of rights and duties in relation to the child.
If the child's father is not married to the mother at the time of the child's birth, the only person having PR for the child is the MOTHER. That situation continues until the father acquires PR either by entering a legal PR agreement with the mother or obtaining a PR order from a court. The unmarried father in addition to applying for PR can apply for the whole range of orders relating to a child's welfare.”

So you don’t have to do anything. In fact, you don’t have to see him or contact him or even discuss your new child with him. He has no rights until he gets that agreement. Do you think he cares about the new child?

Do you think that you want him out of your life and your child’s life? If he’s not good for his son, why would you want him in your child’s life?

I am happy for my ex to have regular and frequent access with the new baby

Why?  
See http://www.fathers-4-justice.org/evidence/index.htm for the group that’s often in the news.

Take care, P

[Cadbury]

I think he cares about the child in that he sees it as an extension of HIM,  and therefore important. It is difficult to gauge his true feelings as he will say something one minute like "I don't want to see the child because I can't cope with seeing you and not having you", the next minute he is saying however much contact he has it won't be the same as if he were living with me. At the moment he is using it as a way of control. If I am nice he will help me, if I'm not he won't kind of thing. I have just maintained the stance that he can have regular access to the child, but not me.

The main reason I want him to have access is so that I know I have done what I can to keep the roads open as it were. I will be there for our child and support him/her as much as I can, but no one will be able to turn round and say that I kept a father away from his child. If my judgement of my ex's character is correct then I think it will resolve itself.

Thank you for the websites you posted. I had seen the F4J one before, but I reread the relevant parts. There are now three months to go until the birth and then I will know more I suppose. I don't intend to contact him until he contacts me and just see what happens.

Thanks again!