self-mutilation

[Anonymous]

understandable

[jondo]

If not God then believe in yourself.  Enough to find the strength to look deeper into yourself to understand and begin to heal the pain that causes the depression.  I can imagine that for some, this well runs deeper than others but everyone begins pure and happy before the damage occurs.  God Bless

[Anonymous]

it was always hard for me to believe that after living "a life of hell" or atleast a childhood of hell I would then be condemned to everlasting hell.

Flowers 12, just in case nobody has ever said this to you, I will

You don't have to believe. If you find it hard to believe, don't believe. Suspend your belief. You get to make this choice about what's in your head.

Do you think Christianity is 'right' and the other religions are 'wrong'? Have you examined other religions? If not, are you unquestioningly following a religion, instead of using your natural curiosity to discover all types of spirituality man has to offer others?

We are born with curiosity and the capability to think for ourselves. If something is hard to believe, why believe it? You don't have to, it's not compulsory. Take care.

Phillip,

Sometimes a suicide attempt can be nothing more than a last desperate deliberate act in a life spun hopelessly out of control

yes, agreed, it's about personal choice and agency. It's the last thing we have of our selves. "If I can't live as 'me' then I won't live".

I appreciate the posts about suicide here. Often, mention suicide and people freak out - because they're afraid of death, and afraid of life! Life is difficult and suicide reminds some people just how difficult life is (too close for comfort). I'm glad we can talk about it sensibly here. Thanks, Portia

[Anonymous]

Portia,

"Do you think Christianity is 'right' and the other religions are 'wrong'? Have you examined other religions? If not, are you unquestioningly following a religion, instead of using your natural curiosity to discover all types of spirituality man has to offer others? "

The answer to this is absolutely NO.  I will never believe that Christianity is the "right" way to God.  It is just the avenue I used to get there.  I have examined several religions, and the ones that seem right in my heart are all ones that point to a higher being.  I never expected to be a Christian, as a teenager I vowed I would never be one.  Like Naomi, I was raised by what I like to refer to as "psycho religious" people.  I thought Christianity was about judgement, blame, guilt, hate, and mostly just the lack of love.  When I found Jesus about three years ago, I found something completely different than what I had learned in childhood.  Although, I don't think I will ever experience "blind faith".  That takes a great deal of trust, and that is just something I don't have.

You mentioned spirituality, which I think of as inner calm.  This is something I've experimented with a little i.e.  meditation, tai chi.  I'd like to hear more about what you mean.  I'm a complete failure at the two things I've tried above.  I have no inner peace, and my mind won't shut up - between the bi-polar and the mean inner dialogue I keep with myself it just seems like something that isn't meant for me.  So if you could elaborate on what you meant I would appreciate it.  Maybe a book "Inner Peace for Dummies"?

Thanks,
Flowers12[/i]

[lulling]

i never thought to make a connection.  i had/still have a penchant for pulling out hair, excessively scratching, and drinking too much.  i thought those were just all seperate problems.  all problems that my mother made sure to address.

[Dawning]

I think I have put alot of stress on my liver and lungs through alcohol and smoking absorbtion.  I have stifled my dreams since I was a teen.  Given my power to shith*ad men and women who chewed me up and spit me out and then I went begging for more.

Self-mutilation and escape from pain are somehow related in my mind.  If we can stay with the pain and tenderly hold it...reaching out to the right people and re-conditioning ourselves, we can heal.

[mum]

Flowers 12:  I hesitated to reply to your post regarding "HOW" to connect with your spirituality.  It just takes all kinds of avenues, and it is so personal, that it is a hard one to answer.  "inner peace for dummies"....very funny!
Actually, I sought and found a ton of books, teachings, therapies, etc that all say different things, yet the same things.  It didn't really make total sense to me in my life, until I was ready.  How did I know I was ready?  I got sick of myself...and the way I was living (obsessing/ worrying/ being miserable).  The "way" really doesn't matter, I don't think.  My learning currently takes the path of buddhist teachings, conventional and clairvoyent therapy, some loose knit reading groups and energy work.  None of those are in the same place/person, and they even appear very different on the surface.  When you are ready to learn, simply ask.  (who/what, I doubt it matters)....the universe will provide.

The descriptions you gave made me think you would find something in Ekhart Tolle's writing:  The Power of Now is amazing.  At the time, I couldn't afford the big book, so I got his "teachings from the Power of NOw... later someone lent me the cd of him reading it. In it, he adds a lot of personal stuff that I think you could relate to.