Author Topic: Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?  (Read 5641 times)

Philski

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Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« on: January 19, 2005, 06:51:08 PM »
Hi All,

It's been awhile since I've touched base.  Nothing like my N father visiting from back East to remind me what I've survived as a child and struggle with as an adult.

I read a book not long ago about psychic vampires and noticed that N traits and the psychic vampire description have alot in common.  I love my father yet realize that he will never be able to accept unconditional love for me.  He does have many years of recovery in AA which has helped him deal with some of the more glaring traits of N dissorder, yet there still is a subtle note of everything having to be about him even when he visits me and my daughter.

My girlfriend got a taste of the "vampire bite" when we went out to dinner a few nights ago and she shared with me after the meal she feels drained and exhausted after conversation with him.  I felt it and suspect that she was the prime target because my "energy center" was very protected from his subtle put-downs and insinuations that put him in a power position.

I'm curious if others relate to the energy depletion that both N's and Psychic Vampires exibit when dealing with them?  Below is an article that describes the condition.  
Cheers,
Philski

Article:
 Understand, psychic vampires are typically not mean, cruel people. Oftentimes, they are totally unaware of their impact on others. Initially, they are quite charming and attractive. They draw others in with their cunning and guile. Like vampires displayed on Hollywood's silver screen, psychic vampires avoid looking at themselves in the mirror. This avoidance of mirrors signifies a psychological tendency to avoid the self. The psychic vampire avoids, at all costs, self-examination. As you know, vampires literally live in the dark. Similarly, psychic vampires refuse to become enlightened by the light of knowledge. They lurk in darkness, under cover and unaware of how they negatively influence and drain other peoples' emotional energy.

Having avoided self-reflection, these individuals naturally deny responsibility for how they affect others and how they attempt to live off the energy of others. For instance, a typical interaction with a psychic vampire might appear like this:

The PV usually begins a conversation with a complaint of some sort. If the person they're talking with chooses to respond with a solution, optimistic comment or some other positive response, the PV will literally live off that person's positive energy. Rather than do this for him/herself, the PV relies on other people to provide him/her with this type of energy. As the word "vampire" conveys, the PV saps the energy of others, which is why the other person ends up feeling emotionally drained.

Modern day language and culture have coined the term "co-dependent" to describe the individual whose life revolves around the life of another. Rather than develop a true sense of "self," the co-dependent attempts to define him/herself through another person --- usually the one s/he is in love with. There are few or no psychological boundaries between the co-dependent and the significant other. "Co-dependent" is representative of the mythic psychic vampire.

By describing the psychic vampire, I have attempted to bring new life to the worn out term co-dependent. Unfortunately, the word co-dependent has been so overly used, it has lost its impact. People are comfortable with the label "co-dependent." I see many people cozy up to the concept and almost pride themselves on being a classic co-dependent! The Bible, fairy tales such as Rumpelstiltskin, etc. remind us of the power of the "word." Perhaps, the negative connotation of "psychic vampire" will encourage all those co-dependents in the world to shed their attachment to living through and off others, and seek to reclaim a true sense of self.
 :)
De Nile ain't no river in Egypt...

bunny

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Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2005, 12:00:22 PM »
They seem synonymous. Both are bad news anyway.

bunny

Anonymous

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Re: Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2005, 12:01:15 PM »
Quote from: Philski
I love my father yet realize that he will never be able to accept unconditional love for me.  

I'm curious if others relate to the energy depletion that both N's and Psychic Vampires exibit when dealing with them?  
Article:

Modern day language and culture have coined the term "co-dependent" to describe the individual whose life revolves around the life of another. Rather than develop a true sense of "self," the co-dependent attempts to define him/herself through another person --- usually the one s/he is in love with. There are few or no psychological boundaries between the co-dependent and the significant other. "Co-dependent" is representative of the mythic psychic vampire.


Philski when you said about your father never being able to accept unconditional love for you, did you mean give unconditional love to you?

Yes I can relate to energy depletion. Have you see this site? http://www.recovery-man.com/coda/codependency.htm

Anonymous

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Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2005, 03:42:57 PM »
I would like to venture that this is not the exclusive territory of Narcissists (though certainly applicable to some). I think this could be true of anyone lacking an authentic self, especially those taught/trained/modeled for as children to rely on others for validation (existence, if you like).

This could apply to the grown children of Narcissists, or even, on the other side, to now-grown children whose parent suffered a long illness, making the parent(s) emotionallly and physically unavailable to help the children with learning adequate self-validation and self-awareness.

Without a doubt, though, the description of the type is excellent and insightful.

ANII

Bloopsy

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Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2005, 12:36:40 AM »
I feel very bad and angry about the idea of encouraging codependant people to qote unquote " get off their asses" by calling them psychic vampires" "cosying up" to a the word codependant. I have been codependant for my whole life and have attended many meetings and let me tell you, it is with a lot of shame and ultimate horror that I say " Hi my name is Bridget and I'm codependant". The other people at the meetings do not seem to have an easy time with it either.  There is so much pain and shame at those meetings and within  codependant people already, I think that it is visciously cruel to encourage people with this meciless and destroying disease to call themselves "psychic vampires".  It is such a shaming term, and shaming people into getting help is cruel and useless.I myself am glad for people who can feel comfortable with calling themselves codependant, because accepting it and not condemning themselves for it will make them more able to get help without feeling too ashamed.  me, I have so much trouble with it that even looking at the word can send me into shame spirals and sometimes just trembling fear, and it would have been so much worse if I had to try to get myself to  face the term "psychic vampire" whenever I go to a meeting or read one of my books.   It  demonizes people who are codependant to suggest  that they call themselves that. I think that saying that it is to get them to get some help is just a bunch of baloney and COmPLETELY   devoid of compassion ---  it's like docctor Phil on crack.     Before I knew what in the world was wrong with me I just remember walking around thinking " I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE." It is like being in a prison from dawn to dusk and most of the night, and the desparate feeling I get when it seems like I can't stay alive without help from someone else is the worst part of all. It makes me very angry that someone would get on their sanctimonious high horse and suggest that codependant people be shamed or shocked or whatever into getting help by calling them a psychic vampire just because some codependant people might be a little too comfortable with the word. I am going to post this even though I am pretty sure I am over-reacting because I am sick of just swallowing my anger and I guess that this is a safer way for me to express myself right now. I hope that nobady takes offense. I admit that I am also scared because the mean voice in my head is like "THAT is what you are", you know, the one that shames you for being alive and stuff? And I'm like, I can't live with one more demeaning, dehumanizing label. I know that no one is telling me I have to call myself this and I don't think that it would help me to do it, I am aware that my neediness causes me to lean too heavily on others and I do my best not to do that but try not to go into black and white thinking by thinking that I need to isolate myself because I am afraid I will hurt the people I love. Well anyway here I go to post this message --- thank you for listening. One of the things I am trying to learn is to say what I think without automatically judging myself wrong or thinking that it is unnaceptable or not important  enough so.... well let me stop trying to  "explain myself". Blah! Thanks guys. Love, Bridget

Philski

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psychic V vs. N
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2005, 10:17:23 AM »
Thanks for the reply's and insights.  As far as codependency is related to being a "psychic vampire", as a recovering codependent, I think we are the "host" of psychic vampires more so than being one ourselves.  I think they share some similar traites.  
I've also gone to hundreds of Coda 12 step meetings and as a recovering codependent feel good about how I generally don't suck peoples energy.  It's the N type personality that sees absolutely nothing wrong with them and after-all, the problem is with "everyone else" that psychic vampirism seems to thrive.  
Having learned to limit my exposure to these type of people (including family members) seems to be the best way for me to take care of myself.  Having been in the military, I can vouch for that institution being a haven for both the psychic vampire and the Narcissistic personality.  I still have alot of anger for the painful situations I've lived thru at the hands of these type of people.  Granted, I'm not a victim anymore only because I've chosen to be responsible for my recovery and life.  This site is definently a part of that recovery process.  
Thankyou to all those devoted to their own recovery and awareness process.  It contributes to mine alot.
Philski
De Nile ain't no river in Egypt...

Anonymous

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Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2005, 10:21:19 AM »
Hi Bloopsy:

That was a good vent.  Way to go!  And I have to agree with you that a lot of these labels are just......cruel and useless, as you have said.  I think Philski may have been just wanting to point out his/her feelings of being drained of energy, after this latest encounter with his/her father, but I see your point about labels and the harmful way they have demeaned you (if that is a correct way of putting it?).

I am wondering if it might help for you to forget the stupid labels and just think about what it is in your thoughts, feelings and behaviour, that you may wish to change, and focus on those things, rather than allowing your self to sort of disappear inside a label?  Does that make any sense?  Who cares if you're co-vampire-blah-blah-cheese-cake-clepto-dependant if all that does is put a silly name on you?  It's whatever you wish to improve in yourself and your life that really matters, not what anybody else wants to call it.  Right?  What if you were to ditch the labels and just go for some clear, simple goals?

bludie

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Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2005, 04:46:49 PM »
Philski,
Thanks for sharing the article and for providing such positive reinforcement while we 'trudge the road to happy destiny'. I always appreciate the male perspective in that relationship difficulties and recovery is a two-way street. I had previously heard the term energy vampires. Same thing, I supposed. It's as you say - it's up to us as to how much we want to participate or allow people to drain us.

Best,

bludie
Best,

bludie

October

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Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2005, 07:25:49 PM »
Quote from: Anonymous
I would like to venture that this is not the exclusive territory of Narcissists (though certainly applicable to some). I think this could be true of anyone lacking an authentic self, especially those taught/trained/modeled for as children to rely on others for validation (existence, if you like).

 



Not anyone, surely???   :oops:

I lack an authentic (internal) self, but I am able to show empathy and compassion to those around me.  I hope.  Or am I misunderstanding this?

C

Anonymous

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Narcissism and psychic vampires synonymous?
« Reply #9 on: January 21, 2005, 09:27:57 PM »
"Could be",  I think,  are the operative words. Meaning Narcissists may or may not fall into this category of type, and other "self-less" people may or may not fall into this category of type, depending on the coping mechanisms they've developed over time.

I've met Narcissistic people who behave this way, and also Others who don't display very many Narcissistic traits who behave this way. The converse is also true, in my experience.

I think many factors can contribute to the development of this personality type, Narcissism being only one of them.

Again, I venture, not adamantly state as unequivocal truth. Your experience of self-lessness may be entirely different than that of the "psychic vampire". I like to think mine is, also.