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Meh:
Hi Two,

yeah it was a bad story, it was just a random deposit here

Meh:
Mother was just telling me she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer from getting her appendix removed few days ago.

I care it seems, but just how much do I care.... Anyhow.

Hopalong:
Well, I'm sorry.
It's hard to be deeply moved when something like that happens to a cruel parent.
But then again, we usually find our own humanity during...

I'm sorry this is happening to her, Boat, but especially for the effects on you.

Hope you'll stay true to yourself and do only what is right for you, for your own reasons.

love,
Hops

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Garbanzo on August 10, 2017, 05:33:51 PM ---Mother was just telling me she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer from getting her appendix removed few days ago.

I care it seems, but just how much do I care.... Anyhow.

--- End quote ---

Sorry to read that, G, it's hard when someone receives bad news and we have mixed emotions - how we really feel, how we feel we ought to feel, what we tell others about how we feel and so on.  I hope the docs are able to help, I hope you are okay too xx

Meh:
Thanks guys. Appreciated.

I do feel bad for her. Often I think or say like a teenager "I wish the bitch would die". I feel less buoyant though, bad news is never good I guess. She has to have a foot of intestine removed as a preliminary diagnostic step so the docs can look at the veins and lymph nodes.

In the end though our relationship is unhealthy and uncaring. I remind myself that I felt she was doing me a huge favor by giving me a cold stale slice of pizza when I was going through homelessness.

Ultimately I think it's best if I really try to just focus on the tasks I need to do in my own life. Things I usually procrastinate on etc.

She has her brother and her sister who are both millionaires. She is going to be as fine as is possible.

I guess in an ideal family and world it would be normal for me to care more.

It's just slightly confusing. "Okay so you have set this precedent that we don't treat each other well and we don't care, now when you are sick and need somebody to care... do I continue with what you started"

Something tells me that I should act like I care because I do but that I should really make a point of not getting too entwined mentally.

I can be humane to her and myself.  With some distance maybe. But that really is the problem of it all. "The distant parent"

Anyhow I'm just rambling.

This was bound to happen sooner or later, we all get sick. I've been asking myself for a while "how am I gonna feel when they are actually sick and dying".

The outcome of the surgery will probably be okay if it hasn't spread to far and all. It also means she is going to be telling me about all of this stuff. On some level maybe it's unfair of her to put it on me. It's like a street with one way traffic.

There is no winning in this. The only way to win is to try to have a good life without them.

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