Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Anything
Meh:
you are right, there is something behind eating habits, I probably only weigh 115 or 120 so I don't have a weight issue
I would still be better off not eating the sugary stuff, I'm 'pre-diabetic'
yep, chocolate cravings and dark chocolate is the best for that but I had milk chocolate
if you do want to make good chocolate cookies though adding molasses, less sugar, ghirardelli chocolate chips dark and Hershey cocoa powder makes a pretty good cookie, sometimes I want the chocolate but not all the sugar so I put less
anywho
the other thing I do is drink too much coffee and tea almost as if I am trying to feed myself an antidepressant
I'm also not taking anti-depressants or anxiety meds, after I quit taking Wellbutrin years ago I just never went back on them, I do get more done when I take it but I also don't know that it's really the right thing for me. I start to worry that the reason I had to take medication in the first place was because I was so emotionally screwed up.
lighter:
Mouse, I think you know your mother is disordered, even if you don't have exact labels.... you know.
I think some of your feelings aren't you being scewed up, but you enduring gaslighting, word salad and crazy making drummed up by your mother consistently. That FEELS crazy making, IME. Esp if the one making the crazy is assigning blame to you for it. Esp if you feel trapped with her and dependent in any way. Sometimes the need for approval is present, even if one isn't aware of it.... but it's there, beneath awareness. That's a double bind with a pesonality disordered parent, no two ways about it.
Maybe you're not ready to admit how disordered your mother is..... and maybe you haven't given up hope she'll change? I don't know, just throwing it out there for consideration.
When I'm upset, it's usually around something I'm resisting and unable to accept without reservation.
I really like the idea of making cookies with less sugar..... ones that still taste good. Thanks for the recipe, Mouse.
Lighter
Meh:
like this but w/ modifications
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/9827/chocolate-chocolate-chip-cookies-i/
Meh:
I don't think I have much to say today.
Trying to get all the life maintenance chores done.
Hopalong:
If "Anything" is still fair game, I'll report from a better mood:
FFFFF (Fabulous Funny Feminist Films Fridays) #2 was such a gift. There were 5 of us (social-distance-with-fans-blazing max-comfort home-indoor-zone is six people but not quite) and we watched Hannah Gadsby's second Netflix special, "Douglas." My face still hurts from laughing and it was SUCH a comfort after recent weeks (personally, nationally, globally). It really lifted my/our spirits to be together.
Wish I could have you come, Mouse. I would love to think of you laughing. (Even when there's so little to laugh about).
I did my usual full-spectrum-covid-supercautions and everybody was so gracious about it: shoved the furniture around so we sat 6'-8' apart, brought everyone's wine to them and scheduled it for after dinner so no bunching around a food table (though I did do some spanikopita, self serve), had all the windows wide open and a box fan blowing in addition to ceiling fan, and asked only that they plonk the masks back on when moving through the house to the bathroom, etc. It worked fine!
And oh Gadsby is brilliant. The way she works in a hilarious riff on art history (as in her first show "Nanette") I found side-splitting. The whole thing was joyful.
I just felt so grateful to just feel those feeling for a few hours. Next month: Wanda Sykes. If anybody knows of another FFF to recommend, I'm all ears!
hugs
Hops
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