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rosencrantz:
Hello Discounted Girl - I do so love YOU.  You say things that I've never said and never would say and yet...your voice is almost like another 'me' I never found.  I still have your post printed off somewhere that goes 'shame, shame, shame...you had a good little girl...'!  :wink:   Love it to bits.

I've never been kind enough to the little girl in me to say all that in my own defence - I only learned to be tough and kick her around like my mother did.  I replaced my mother's sick values with my own values but I impose them in a ruthless way - demanding discipline and truth and honesty and integrity and perfection.  Reality whittled to the bone.  No hiding place.  And I guess I do that to others, too.  Sorry, folks!

I jeer at myself for being soft, I gag at people who sugar-coat their experiences.  "Get on out there and take responsibility for your life and what you do in it.  Feelings matter not.  Just do it."  Perhaps I express here two polar opposite. In which case, neither offers the whole truth.

But, you know, Discounted Girl, coming back to your post, it's not that your mother never loved you, she never KNEW you!  Is it worse?  I think not.  She never knew you but if she had, she could have (would have) loved you!  She was just incapable of seeing other people in the world - only her reflection in the mirror and the figments of her imagination and they didn't make her happy one little bit.  If she could have seen you, you would have made her very happy. :)
R

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