learning to sit with pain and emptiness?

[longtire]

Good advice from all.  I'm concentrating on doing what I need to do right now to take care of the situation.  Right now, that's limiting my overexposure to my wife and other stressful situations.  I'll leave what comes after this for later.  I do keep reminding myself that there is going to be an "after this" that I will need to ready for one day.

I have to admit that despite being the philosophical person I am, I really like to hear your compliments.  Thanks!

How's this for a strategy for deciding how I want to behave:  Ask myself what  someone with NPD would do in this situation and do the opposite.  i realize that may not catch everything, but may indicate a problem if I do catch myself wanting to do these things.

[CHICKSQUIP]

First let  me apologize if my responses are out of sync with  the 'threads'.  I am glad to see  some dialogue  concerning personality types, i.e., introvert, extrovert.  I tested INTJ.  Retested, I test INTJ.  I am a  woman.  As  I understand it, women  with this particular personality type are less  than one  percent of the population.  This put me to thinking that if I was born an INTJ to a N mom, wasn't I kind of set up to be a  total  misfit from the get go.  I became a howling success in  business.  Somehow I have been blessed with a handful  of old and lasting  friends who love me.  I've often thought they must see something in  me that I can't see.  BUT in our family home, things were a mess.  I was not socialized  as a child or allowed to express emotions. I was controlled (can't do that  to  an INTJ who requiires almost total autonomy).  I feel a kinship with you guest.  I don't   require a lot of people input (it drains me), but  on the other  hand I also, I desire  someone(s) who yearns for deep, solid,walk through the fire together relationship.  I have a college girlfriend who is  an extrovert.  If her weekend social calendar is not filled up by Wednesday evening, she goes into a tizzy.  She often invites me to join in those activities. I decline and suggest that we engage in those activities  that  we  both enjoy.  Because of the  boundaries I've set, we  don't  get together very often, but when we do it is fun.  I guess what  I'm saying is that with the persons you are tempted to bring back into your life, maybe if  you set boundaries where you only do those  things that are mutually enjoyble, you can have the best  of both sides of the coin.

Thanks to Portia for  comments about introvert/extrovert!

[Portia]

Hi Chicksquip, maybe we should have an INTJ thread? What would we talk about?....*starts thinking*...

if I was born an INTJ to a N mom, wasn't I kind of set up to be a total misfit from the get go.

I don't know if my mom is an N. She seems to be a severely unhealthy extravert who lives in a reality known to only herself. No empathy, treats people as objects, no conscience, no sense of responsibility, actually very little emotion at all...INTJ kid watched, listened, came to the conclusion I must be a bit mad myself. She said to me "you're so logical!" as though it's a curse, something to be ashamed of. Oh yes, and "you're too honest" (so I started lying, I guess that's logical too? ).

I became a howling success in business.

Good! Is it good? I survived sometimes by the skin of my teeth. Did okay at work for a while but it was killing me so I stopped. Haven't much idea of what lies ahead.

Somehow I have been blessed with a handful of old and lasting friends who love me. I've often thought they must see something in me that I can't see.

That you are lovable! And thoughtful, balanced etc and see things in an interesting way? Do people say that to you?

I was not socialized as a child or allowed to express emotions.

Ditto. I've had terrible trouble learning how to 'chat' with people. And have expressed the 'wrong' emotions sometimes in public, not gauged the group feeling correctly. Whoops...

I was controlled (can't do that to an INTJ who requiires almost total autonomy).

I was controlled to a ridiculous extent. No friends allowed to visit, walk about quietly, trapped in a remote location. I'm thankful I wasn't an extravert. I'd have gone really nuts, maybe.  

If her weekend social calendar is not filled up by Wednesday evening, she goes into a tizzy.

  I worry if I have one social appointment a month!

if you set boundaries where you only do those things that are mutually enjoyble, you can have the best of both sides of the coin.

Agreed. And afterwards, we can have a good lie down to recuperate! P

[CHICKSQUIP]

Portia,
You're one too?  I mean INTJ.  Good Lord, we do need  to talk!  You start the thread and I'll  be right in there.  I have a heck of a time expressing and explaining myself even now after years of trying to get right side up, but I'll sure give it a go.  Thanks!