Hi all:
Mudpuppy wrote:
It is easy to forgive someone who comes to us on bended knees begging pardon for the wrongs they've done.
This might seem easy but may not always be so. It all depends on how much harm has been caused, imo.
I think forgiveness is necessary for the forgiver, in order to return to the healthiest possible emotional state. Forgiving has definate benefits.
It takes all of the power away from the forgivee.
They are no longer able to upset the forgiver. What's done is done type of thing and it no longer causes anger or resentment.
Forgiveness gives us a sense of peace and acceptance (as has been mentioned). Not that we accept the behaviour, simply that we accept the person as human and fallible etc.
And it allows us to move on, to stop focussing on our anger and resentment, and stop experiencing the effects of that anger and resentment.
In order to forgive, I really believe we must be free of anger and resentment. These are feelings that need to be released. As long as we hold onto them, we will suffer from certain effects and find it impossible to forgive.
re forgiveness, Mudpuppy wrote:
What is it.
I believe it is in the end about humility.
True we are all capable of great misdeeds. True we all make choices. True none of us are perfect (except those who behave Nish--heehee).
True......I've taken this humility thing to heart and feel it deep inside of myself.....I know that I have sinned too, in my life, and will do so again.
Doesn't rid me of a rip of anger or resentment toward those who have hurt me though, thinking all that.
The key, for me, is empathy.
Until I decide to totally empathize with those who have harmed me, I will not forgive.
It is soooo hard to put oneself in another's shoes and imagine what it must be like to.....be that person, to have made the choices that person made....to act like that.
"It sucks to be you". I want to say.
If I really empathize.......I do believe it does suck. And next....I feel pity and sympathy......how sick the forgivee is.....how pathetic......how lost......how fragile.......how incredibly it must suck to be that person.
If I try and try to somehow get into that person's place and try to really be where they are...in my head, and then imagine what they feel, what they think, I begin to see things from their point of view and to really understand. Not an easy task, but once this is accomplished....it makes all the difference in my decision to forgive.
And it is a decision.
Whether they are sorry or not......I can choose to truly forgive. It's a selfish thing for me. I want that most healthy emotional state possible and I know there is such a state, for me, because I've been there before, in regard to other forgivees.
But...like many here......I'm still struggling to get there.
GFN