Ex Dilemma

[mum]

Mudpup> obviously I can't speak for October, but I gathered from your post, October, that you do have a sense of humor and perhaps you would appreciate levity at this juncture.
I, too, hope you know we are still hanging with you and your situation and lending support of a more serious nature as well.... And honestly, methinks Mudpup would be more entertaining (and less messy) than a real pup anyway.   (hey, I just tried that face thingy and all I got was "lol". see?  I give up.
October, your daughter is lucky, very lucky (as I just told Mia: kids only need ONE good parent to make it!...two would be wonderful, but one decent one will do!)  You are good.

[mum]

ok, the face thingy worked.  I get it now.

[October]

Mudpup> obviously I can't speak for October, but I gathered from your post, October, that you do have a sense of humor and perhaps you would appreciate levity at this juncture.

Yes, humour is good.  And laughing at the really bad bits is the funniest of all, strange to say, as long as it is not cruel laughter but 'God, this world is so bizarre' laughter.    

And don't worry about the thread wandering.  It is like we are all sitting round a table in a cafe.  We might be here because I need not to be alone, but I would be very uncomfortable if we couldn't talk about everyone in the process, and take an interest in one another's lives.  So chat away, everyone, and welcome.  Another coffee??  Doughnuts??

Thanks for saying my daughter is lucky.  I often think she has a bad deal, until I look around for a better mum for her than I am.  There is nobody that I can see who would do it better.  

(Anyone think that sounds like an N speaking?    Not the best parent for her because I am perfect; just the best for her because I listen, and I try to learn who she is.  Not sure anyone else could do that as well, because nobody else could love her as much as I do.    )

[October]

Wishing toe counting for you today!!

Hmm, for toe counting I might have to cheat a bit.  

Ok, one; darling daughter
two: darling daughter
three; darling daughter
four ...

 

[October]

 

This doesn't sound strange, it sounds really narcissistic!

And your counselor didn't give you her phone number??!? What kind of counselor does that? That is outrageous. What if you were suicidal or having a panic attack (which is what it sounds like btw)??  I'm really pissed off at this counselor.

Well, we're still here!

bunny

(((((bunny))))))  Thanks.  I really appreciate the company.

Yes, he is Nish, and admits it.  But he is capable of empathy, so he is not as N as some others in my life.  Having got free from my Nex and Nmum and Nsupply dad, I am still enmeshed with my Nminister friend.  Nobody is perfect.   And of course, he is familiar.  Like a brother.  (Nbrothers too,    )  Epidemic in my family.  And a lot of my close friends are the same.  I seem not to do normal.  

I sat on my hands to stop myself ringing him again and eventually he rang last night, and was concerned about me.  I may go visit one day soon.  Sometimes it helps.  Sometimes it is not good.  And I called another friend who was lovely and very concerned, and it did me good to talk to her.  At the end she said that she loves me.  

As for the counsellor, she cancelled one session because she was ill, and I asked what happens then if I have a crisis.  Who covers?  Who is there for me?  The answer is, there is no cover and there is nobody there.  Best they can offer is A&E.

So home phone numbers are not anywhere near the picture, I am sorry to say.  I did have one counsellor once who gave my his phone number, and I never abused that.  I rang him maybe three times in six months or so, always at about 7pm, and never for very long.  But nobody else has trusted me enough.  

Suicidal, yes.  But I am used to that, so nothing is going to happen, God willing.  Panic attacks I am not sure about, so I probably wouldn't recognise one if it happened.  

Daughter has spent the morning tidying her room - Ha ha!!! - she wanted to rearrange things.  Every other week I come upstairs and find she has moved the furtniture or changed the bookcases round or something.  Today she is making her desk into a dressing table and getting out lots of nice girly stuff for herself.

Yes, it is official.  I have the most wonderful daughter in the whole world.  

[October]

I have a twelve year old daughter too, so I know from experience you have about fifty blessings right there. You're already out of fingers and toes on her alone.  

mudpuppy

PS. If bunny had a ticket to the U.K. I think she could straighten out your minister friend and counsellor pretty quick!

Forget them.  If Bunny had a ticket here, we would go for some sightseeing, retail therapy and girly chat together!!!!!  

And yes, Charlie is a real blessing to me.  I know that.  She is very special.  And sometimes she makes me cups of tea now, which is the start of the grown up part of the relationship; I mean the side where she learns that it is good to do things for me too.  But I still do most.      Not about to turn her into a child carer!!!!!!

((((Mudpuppy))))

[October]

ok, the face thingy worked.  I get it now.

The face thingy comes out as code on the draft, but shows as a face on the post.  Or you can write your own, like in email;  :  )  

If you hold the cursor on the piccy and wait a second or two it will tell you what the face is showing.  

[Anonymous]

Good morning:

It is like we are all sitting round a table in a cafe.....Another coffee?? Doughnuts??

Thanks ......I'm trying for green tea and I'm not having a doughnut because I'm really trying to lose weight and get fit.  I joined "Curves" before Christmas and it's helped me some but it's not enough.  So last night, I joined "TOPS" too.  Hopefully the two will compliment eachother and I will benefit.  At least I feel like I have more of a handle now than I did before.

Hey October:  

If Bunny had a ticket here, we would go for some sightseeing, retail therapy and girly chat together!!!!!

So is it easier for you to go out into public places if you are with another person?  Sorry, I don't know much about agoraphobia.

And I called another friend who was lovely and very concerned, and it did me good to talk to her. At the end she said that she loves me.

I'm so glad you have this friend!  That is so nice!  Can you stay in touch more often with her?

Hope things are better today, October.  Maybe I'll look for a good joke to post here.  Whaddya'll think?

GFN

[Anonymous]

Hi October,

And yes, Charlie is a real blessing to me. I know that. She is very special. And sometimes she makes me cups of tea now, which is the start of the grown up part of the relationship; I mean the side where she learns that it is good to do things for me too. But I still do most.  Not about to turn her into a child carer!!!!!!

Good for you. You sound like my wife and our daughter. Best buddies, but she still knows she better respect her momma.
Thank you very much for the ((((  )))). Ditto to you.

mud

[October]

So is it easier for you to go out into public places if you are with another person?  Sorry, I don't know much about agoraphobia.

It is social phobia rather than agoraphobia really, but the effect is the same.  Company can help, yes, and going somewhere familiar.  New places on my own are not possible.  And big crowds are not easy.  And wanting really really to do something helps too.  I can do anything I want to really, but it is sometimes just not worth the cost (flashbacks mainly).  If that makes any sense.  However, I am so deeply immersed in dissociation at present that I think I could go anywhere without feeling it.  Need to find grounding somehow, but not found it yet.  

Supposed to be taking C to the zoo (Whipsnade) tomorrow, to make up for her disasterous birthday last week.  If the weather is not too bad, that is.  I am going to get us both an annual ticket, so we can go back whenever we like.  Every week, maybe.

Hope things are better today, October.  Maybe I'll look for a good joke to post here.  Whaddya'll think?

Good idea.  Might be fun.  

[Anonymous]

October,
I haven't met anyone on this board who is not lovable, with the exception of a chump or two over on Write's thread about therapists.
 But there are a few people here who's situation is so immediate and difficult that I, and plenty of others, just wish we could be with you in person to hold you up. You are one. When my mouth falls open or a tear hits the keyboard reading what someone is going through, I stop caring about my problems and realize what real damage from an N is.
I hope you don't mind if I say a little prayer for you in the mornings, and I hope it is OK if I say one for your X too. It is hard to hate someone as far gone and self destructive as that. But my prayers are  saved for you and your D, that you will get through this, and come out stronger than before. That your daughter will know her father's problems had nothing to do with her, and that you will be freed from this stress and pain.
When we're in these things they seem endless, like a hurricane that never stops blowing; there is nowhere to escape it. But there will be an end someday, and the sun will shine, and this will just be a bad memory.
I'm also looking forward to GFN's joke. Is she feeling the pressure?

(((((October and D)))))

mudpuppy

[October]

But there will be an end someday, and the sun will shine, and this will just be a bad memory.
I'm also looking forward to GFN's joke. Is she feeling the pressure?

(((((October and D)))))

mudpuppy

Thanks mudpup.  I really appreciate you caring, even if I don't quite believe in happy ever afters.  Just more of the same.  

However, about that joke ...  <taps foot impatiently>

[Anonymous]

October,

I really appreciate you caring, even if I don't quite believe in happy ever afters. Just more of the same.

I don't believe in happy ever afters either, not on this earth anyway. After all when the suns out we still get sunburns and mosquitoes and that funny red crease in the side of our nose from our sunglasses. But its a darn sight better than leaning into a driving sleet storm. Someday things will be relatively better, maybe a lot better than now. Don't lose hope.

However, about that joke ... <taps foot impatiently>

mud

[Anonymous]

Ok!  Ok!  The pressure's toooooo much!!!!

Bubba and Jimmy Joe

One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his
 buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a
 new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened.
We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere.
Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods.

She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,

'Bubba, take whatever you want'.

"So I took the truck!"




"Bubba, you're a smart man!.
Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

[Anonymous]

Or a true joke:

Donkey

A farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realised what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down into the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The bite got infected, and the farmer died from septic shock.

MORAL: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you!