Just wanted to clarify my previous post. I will submit another example. I have two ice cream cones, a chocolate and a vanilla. I ask you which one you want. You take one and I ask you why. According to EST theory, there is only correct response. It is, "Because I want it."
I understand that many people are in unfortunate circumstances that they would prefer to exit, but can not. I recall an old Pink Floyd lyric, "If I were a good man, I would understand the spaces between friends."
What does this have to do with anything? Only this. People will always do what seems right to them at the time. Since we can never know all the factors that cause a person to behave as they do, judgement becomes more about us than the other person. In many cases it is about us feeling good about our choices.
Judgement is a reflection of our own self-judgement. In many instances it is about being right and somebody else being wrong. It is about adopted values to fit in or be accepted. It is about status quo and conformity. Yet Leo Buscaglia said often that there is a place deep inside each of us, that is totally insane. He said most of humanity devotes much energy to keep this part hidden and unrecognized, but he added that unfortunately this is also where personal genius originates.
Bottom line, we all do what we need to to find safety. If someone causes me grief, I no longer have that person in my life. If I choose to keep that person in my life, I assume responsibility for that choice. But, I cease judging that person for who he/she is. I am more likely to be critical of precisely why I am choosing to keep this person in my life.
Just want to add that I can think of nothing that I could possibly do that isn't utilitarian.
Maybe I am way off base here, but my life has been much simpler emotionally since I have adopted this outlook. I am responsible for my choices and no one else. I get to live with the results, no one else. They are responsible for their own choices, not I.
