sponsor out there? Don't want to get sucked in again

[annabelle]

Hi out there in cyberspace, Jaded.  I guess we replied to each others' posts at the exact same time.  It's funny (not really, but got to find humor in all this) that you mentioned the movie Sleeping with the Enemy - my father who doesn't even know half the details of my awful marriage tried to be subtle about how I should see that movie (my father is a very good judge of character and never liked my husband).  I did try to rent it once, but we switched to a dvd player when our vcr conked out, and it wasn't out on dvd.  My father mentioned to me the scene about the cans - I guess having to be arranged in alphabetical order - this is so like my husband.  And, the out of control rages including getting physical, is like him too, although not for some time.  I never thought of it as physical abuse bc he never "beat me" but there are numerous times he lashed out that could be considered reportable, although I was never really injured, mostly scared and thus humiliated.  It's still so embarrassing to even mention this, because I do think my self esteem is overall good and I never thought I'd take shit like he's doled out.  

Well you got out, maybe not as fast as Julia Roberts, but then again, she's Julia Roberts and just about perfect (as portrayed in People magazine and on the talk shows) and I sure do value your advice.  Actually, I have another question, but I will post it tomorrow, as a new topic, because my brain is absolutely fried tonight and I have to go to sleep.  I'm currently taking the biggest step of leaving my N husband - actually secretly put a deposit and first month's rent on an apartment all my own and plan to move the kids and myself to it - I'm overwhelmed and guilty and sad FOR HIM!  What is wrong with me?!  Perhaps my self esteem is crappy.  Anyway, I will post tomorrow about this or soon after.  

Have a good night!

Annabelle

[cindy]

You've been his caretaker for years, I bet.  I was with mine.  So, get this - after I kicked him out, he was having a blatant affair, and not his first, had treated me like crap for years, had hidden and squandered money, I called a therapist he'd seen before and I thought he might use again, and told him about some info to helt the Roid!

Sick, huh?  And he never went to counseling again, of course not, because part of the dysfunction is about conforming the world to N perspective, never changing N behavior.

Congrats on getting out.  You will be happier, I just know it.  With all the confusion and emotions, it took me about six months, then I looked 10 years younger overnight!

[annabelle]

Hi Cindy,

Thanks for the post.  Abandoning him as his "caretaker" could be a big cause of my guilt.  So true!  Also, when you told me I didn't even know how unhappy I am bc I'm always fixing things, it made me realize that I don't REMEMBER how unhappy I was (even though I'm still very unhappy now) when I was living with him 7 days a week - since June, he's commuted from his place of business back home just on the weekends.  I've had such relief and peace during the week since this started - time to recuperate between weekends, and have experienced definitely NOT missing him and, being so much happier during the week.  Very telling.  Thanks for reminding me of how I used to be even MORE miserable - it fuels my fire for pushing forward, out of this relationship!  :)

Annabelle

[cindy]

I used to do art shows out of town on the weekends, and be just ecstatic as I drove out of town.  Then, as I came home I would actually cry if I hadn't made enough money.  I never put 2 and 2 together, just thought I was excited for new scenery, and was scared/upset because we were in such a bad finacial way.  But that wasn't it.  About the six month mark, I got the elation feeling again, for no reason at all. It happened at times for over a year.  I was all of a sudden deliriously happy!  I looked into it, and found it's a common feeling for some who escape their abusers.  It was a real high - I miss it.  Although I'm in general 100% happier now, I don't get that high.  I think this may be what bipolars could feel, and if so no wonder they don't want to loose it.  But the down is so much less down that it's fine with me.

I wish you many, many highs!