Hi EC,
The hardest thing about Ns is that you just can't be yourself around them without getting burned. Since ALL attention is NS (narcissistic supply), and Ns also get off on knowing they can push your buttons, even coldness and curtness feed his Nness.
Around my N relatives and NXH I try a technique suggested by Charlotte Kasl- I "keep my energy inside myself". I neither reveal my mood nor state of being to an N nor do I allow them to alter my mood. It comes across as cordial but distant.
If, however, an N begins raging, I mirror the rage, rage back, and walk away. Ns admire strength and distain empathy, kindness and trust, which they view as signs of contemtible weakness. I never show any kindness nor offer intimacy to an N.
Rudeness is the price we all pay to have Ns in our lives, which is why many of us choose no contact at all. After many years of lessening their impact I still have to be on guard every moment I'm around one. And I've never learned to feel GOOD about being so cold to them, it is out of character and unnatural to me, too.
Delphine