My father's funeral was today. Sometime during the church service, a
woman approached my sister. She said her husband wanted to attend,
but he could not get off work. He insisted that someone represent
his family, so she came. Evidently, her family is relatively poor.
Many years ago someone, one of her parents came in to have a tooth
worked on. You see, my father was a dentist. But they could not pay
for the work. My father did the work anyway. The bottom line is
that over the years, my father worked on generations of this family,
children and grandchildren. The woman told my sister that the number
of her family members was more than 20 people all told. She just
wanted us all to know how much that meant to her family, how much he
meant to their family. This was the first we had ever heard of this,
in fact, we are pretty certain that my father never told anyone, even
his own wife. Had she not come to tell us, we would never have
known. How ironic that his own children, with so much cause to be
resentful of his life, would receive a final lesson from him related
to genuine compassion. As we passed by his now sold home one final
time, and I gazed on the front porch with its outdoor rocking couch,
I could easily picture my mom and dad sitting down after dinner to
watch the Sun set, with their coffee in hand. I wiped tears from my
eyes as we passed. He never knew his own children as we are, I
realized after today, we never really knew him either.
It would be so much simpler if I could just hate him. Yet, as much as I hate to admit it, the TRUTH is seldom at either extreme. I do not think that it is about shades of right or wrong. I think it is more about some of the things that people feel compelled to do, can hurt others. It may appear intentional, but generally is merely an acting out of a pre-recorded behavior loop, that serves as a band-aid for a past hurt. My father clearly did some good, and he clearly did some damage. Maybe this is true of all of us; it is certainly true of myself. My defended and protected heart has been softened by today's experiences. My judgements come now so sluggishly. I am changing before my eyes. Thanks for letting me share.
