suicide

[BG]

write -

I've just seen your post from last night and join the many others who've posted with words of support and encouragement.  I once considered suicide so know how heavy and powerful the despair can get, but can tell you that things do get better, in fact almost all that I cherish now arrived in my life after that time...so please hang in, the world needs you here.

BG

[Stormchild Guesting]

(((((Write)))))

Very relieved to see you at the table this morning, ma'am.

Thanks for coming back to the board after you posted last night- thanks for coming back this morning - please keep us posted on how you are doing. We may only be pixels on a screen, but there are real human hands touching the keys, real human hearts longing to comfort you as best we can, hoping you will keep on keeping on.

(((((Write)))))

[Anonymous]

Hello write,

Glad you made it through the night. One more day; that was key for me. A large part of my hopelessness came from looking at the horizon, instead of where my next footfall would be. By just taking one small step at a time, getting through one more day, I eventually reached the horizon without even knowing it. And there was actually a sun there that I couldn't see from back where I was. Still some clouds too, but definitely only partly cloudy.
You wrote,

I never treat people this way, but I know that I should!

Encourage me please.

In rereading a lot of your old posts it is obvious you are a good hearted person who deserves better than what you have received. I believe if you hang in there you will eventually find someone who will love you just the way you are. And part of that is shedding the fools who have harmed you in the past. But for now just concentrate on getting your feet on the ground and putting one foot in front of the other.

Please let us know how your day went when you get a chance.

mudpup

[October]

((((((Write)))))

Sending you angels, and something I wrote some time ago about walking in the Valley of the Shadow, as you are now.

The sea-wall

I went for a walk in the sunshine, and as I walked I thought about an ending, and it seemed to me that something is coming to an end, but I don’t know what.  I thought I will wait and see.  

Then the angels showed me a picture.

I am a sea-wall
And I hold back the tide.

Once there was a long, shelving beach
And the sea was far away.
Once there were breakwaters,
But the breakwaters and the sand are gone,
Washed away long ago.

Now there is just me and the sea,
And the storms which come and go.
And the waves whisper to me;
‘Give in, lie down and rest a while,
why should you have to be so strong?
Why should you work so hard?
Who thanks you for standing here,
And keeping us at bay?
Let us pass over you;
Lie down and rest a while.’

Then the angels point inland

There are churches and people singing,
There are schools and children at play,
There are people living their lives
Without even knowing I am here
Even when they look towards me
They only see the sea, never the wall.
And because they fear the sea
They quickly look away
And pretend it is not there.
They never come near.
They never see me.

I am invisible, but I can see.
The angels show me and I can see.
I see that if – finally – I fall,
The sea will gently reach and touch
The people singing, the children playing,
And it will not do them harm.
But if instead I choose to lie down
The storms will rush inland
And some of the people will drown;
Who knows how many people will drown.

So I stand, and say to the sea
‘No, here I am, and here I stay.
You may in the end make me fall,
But I will not lie down!’

The storms come and go,
They blow and they rage
And the waves rush over me;
I am drenched, I am drowned,
And each time I weaken a little bit more,
But - somehow - still I stand.

I don’t know why I must stand here
Or where the shelving sand has gone
Or why the storms can rage so fierce
Or whether I can stand for long.

But I know I am a sea-wall
And I hold back the tide.

And the angels smile,
And they stay with me.

[write]

but I'm just concentrating on existing right now.

[October]

but I'm just concentrating on existing right now.

You are doing well.  We are beside you all the way.

One minute at a time.

((((((Write))))))

[Butterfly]

Greetings Write!

Surviving is so hard to do in such difficult times.  I know how very tough it is to muster enough strength just to put one foot in front of the other.  I've been there and is still there on a certain level.  Please, Write, hang in there.  Keep on surviving.  Don't give up.  You are a survivor, as you have proven yourself to be by having come this far.  You are so much more than the sum of your heartaches.  Don't let the N's in your life win over you by giving up on yourself.

Sending prayers your way,
Butterfly

[write]

and a big help.

A friend just called, she said I should pack a bag and just leave out if I can't cope with my situation any more. Pondering on this.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you decide, Write, we will support you.

Glad you have a friend that cares.
And glad you are thinking of action that will improve your situation.

Good for you Write!!

GFN

[Lara]

Dear Write,
Thinking of you tonight.
Please feel the love of everybody here, sending you strength and the belief in better days ahead.

Sincerely,
Lara.

[miaxo]

Write:

I'm just reading your thread for the first time.  I'm relieved that you are still posting and that you are contacting friends.  

Like October said, take it one minute at a time. Hang in there.  We are here for you.

Sending you prayers and good thoughts.  
(((((write)))))

I can also be PM'd.

Mia

[longtire]

Write, I am actively taking steps to get away from the marriage and house I am in right now.  I have realized that no matter how strong I am and how much support I have, I cannot tolerate this hostile situation forever.  Each attack damages a little part of my spirit.  Even though I know the words are untrue.  Even though I know that I don't deserve to be treated this way.  It is called an attack because it works.  The only way I can heal and grow back to myself is to protect myself from the attacks by leaving the situation.  I urge you to consider doing this if it makes sense for you.  If you aren't able to do this right now, then get yourself as much support as you can until the option is possible for you.  I'm glad you hung in there overnight.

[Anonymous]

Write:


Keep on keeping on.  Please continue to post because we are here for you.  Much love, Patz

[Butterfly]

Hi again Write,

As I was driving home from school today, I was thinking about the whole situation of how our lives and spirits can be so tainted by the evilness in the world.  I have no idea if what I'm about to write have any bearing on your situation.  If not, my apologies.  But I just want to share my thoughts.  So if you will, that's what I will do.

I guess I can only speak for myself about this, but anyway.   Each one of us see our world through the mirror that we hold in front of us.  What we see in our individual mirror is our reality and the only reality we have.  Our whole being evolves around that reality.  When we were born into this world, we were all given a perfectly intact mirror.  A mirror in which we can see beauty and see ourselves as we truly are...beautiful.  But, for some of us, ppl in our lives came along and cracked our mirror bit by bit.  Some damages are deeper than others.  Regardless, they put cracks in our mirror.  They violated us by putting cracks on our mirror without our consent.  They are at fault.  How dare they violate someone else's property!  So, many of us, grew up viewing ourselves through a broken mirror.  All we saw were distorted images.  Our worldview was distorted.  Yet, to no fault of our own.  The truth is, we are as wholesome and beautiful as when we came into this world.  But, how can we see our true reflection thru a shattered mirror?   The great news is that we can replace that damaged mirror with a perfectly intact one, as some of us are already doing.  And it is free.  We have that perogative.  The question is, how badly do we want this new mirror?  We got to want it bad enough that our soul aches for it.  Otherwise, we won't get it.  We can reclaim what is rightfully ours.

Yeah, it hurts so bad how some ppl treat us.  It helps, when I allow myself to cry my soul out, cry like I've never cried before.  Just to get it out of my system.  It also helps me when I allow myself to feel so angry of all the ppl who have violated me by stealing my happiness away from me.  Because what they did was blatantly wrong.  The good news is that we can reclaim what was stolen from us, b/c it rightfully belongs to us.  I know for me it helps to feel angry.

Write, would it help, if you allow yourself to feel angry, but not allow yourself to give up on yourself??  Why should you give those ppl who have hurted you the last laugh??  You can have the last laugh and make a fool of them all by not allowing their heartlessness toward you keep you down.  They may have caused you to trip over and scrape yourself, but you can have the last laugh by not letting their mean spirit keep you down permanently.

I'm cheering you on  
Butterfly

[write]

you are right, I am very angry at the way I've been treated.
And my way to try to not let it destroy me was to 'turn the other cheek', to try to be perfect.

What I didn't realise was that just opened me up to be abused again and again. I haven't set boundaries and have basically welcomed abusive people into my life.

I'm feeling very shaky but I think I'll be ok.

I feel bad for being this angry person and for telling people to get out of my life, but I know that self-preservation is something I have to learn.

I'll never keep anyone in my life again who hurts me or makes me feel bad.