Loneliness

[Anonymous]

Hi this is Bridget and the gang. We are having a hard time because we are very lonely. In therapy gestalt I found out my "bottom line"" which was that I thought that I had to die for my mom. Also, that I felt the same way about my sister, and could finally validate my feelings of despair about when we were younger and she wanted all of the attention and that she would be angry at me  and banned me for going to youth group because of that she had a crush on one of the boys there and didn't want me around for him to think I was her. I came home today and found my mom wearing my sweater and I was feeling like I was in a nightmare. I told her to please take it off and she said that she knew she shouldn' t wear it but she was cold. Also, she got me a cat run for my cat for my birthday and I could not assemble it that day because I got too confused and then the next daay she had assembled it. Little Bridget was very disapointed because she had wanted to put the cage together for her cat, I told my mom that I wished she hadn't done that and she said she knew that she shouldn't have but she was having a good time doing it. I felt like she was taking everything from me. I think that my mom is very selfish. I think that she even borders on being a narcissist. One day I was finally able to cry and she said sharply come on Bridget and then it was like being slapped and all my feelings went away. My kids know now that her and Ivan are not good people. We are all frozen in fear and loneliness and anger. I thought I would take us to a soup kitchen I know of for food that is prepared with love becuase I am having a hard time feeding myself these days. It is hard to go on when you don't have a place in the world and the only place you have is covered in narcissism and lies, probbably you can all understand that!!!!!!  sweet Bloopsy Rose just wants to go o the soup kitchen to find a new dad. Bloopsy Rose says: "there are many kind men there that can take care of me. I got a pretty shirt there and my cousin said that I was low for taking it my own family doesn;;t want me to find a pretty shirt I only can feel the kind of love that other peole call abuse." I love my inner kids but I am so upset and afraid that the best I can do is not good enough. I do not know where to turn. Everywhere I go feels dirty and alone. I would appreciate anyone who writes, why do I lose everything that I love in the dust.

[Anonymous]

Hi Bridget, Bloopsy Rose and the gang,

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. It might have been that scary thing you heard in therapy. Although it sounds pretty accurate, it might be hard to hear. Things will get better. Call your therapist if you can.

hang in there,

bunny

[Anonymous]

Hi Bridget:

I'm sorry too that you are feeling so down.  

I only can feel the kind of love that other peole call abuse.

I'm very confused by your words.      
Abuse is not love.  Abuse doesn't feel like love.  Love is what your cat gives you (when he/she cuddles on your lap and licks your hand--not when he/she scratches you and snarls at you--that's abuse).  And love feels not lonely.

Anyway, I'm glad you have a cat to help you feel not so lonely.  

Maybe your therapist can help you with all this lonliness you're feeling??  I hope you will do as Bunny suggests and call him/her!

I also hope you will feel much better really soon.

((((((Bridget))))))

GFN

[d's mom]

One day I was finally able to cry and she said sharply come on Bridget and then it was like being slapped and all my feelings went away.

I thought I would take us to a soup kitchen I know of for food that is prepared with love becuase I am having a hard time feeding myself these days.

dear bridget,

my little girl delphine has others in her head as well. one is named sev; one is named del. one is named vera lynn. she says she has 27 of them. they all came after she was taken away from me.

if you were my little girl, you could cry and cry as long as you felt like and then i would make you some soup.

you can still cry inside to yourself even if others dont allow it. its ALWAYS ok to cry.

you deserve love and are *very* very lovable.
anna

[longtire]

Bridget, I'm sorry you feel so lonely right now.  You can come cry here anytime you want to.  I'm glad you have a cat to keep you company.  My cat has helped me a lot.  He loves me no matter what happens.

[Anonymous]

thank you guys. I admit to feeling really sad and lonely. I am trying not to guilt myself about it. I admit that going to my programs today oh my I feel like I just need to make a home for myself even if it is here. I pray and pray but alarmingly I realized that it was the gremlin that was praying. To love my kids. Because I do love my kids. IMaybe it is the first step for me to make a home for myself here because when I canme back here my gremlin pig parent tapes told me that I was not allowed to have my own life and be here to. It is scary what me and my kids will believe. My mom read what I had posted here since I was in a daze and left it on the computer, She was very sad and again I felt like I had to comfort her. I am so weirded out. That I lived my life feeling like I had to die for her and then feel like Î have to comfort her about it. I admit to feeling very depressed and not sure if I can make it. That is why I am so sad and scared that I don't know if I can make it.

[longtire]

Bridget and gang, you don't have to be guilty for feeling however you actually feel.  You deserve to feel any way that you do.  Your kids deserve to be loved.  I think they will believe whatever they need to believe to try to take care of themselves.  Have you told your therapist about feeling so depressed and sad and scared about it?  I'm sorry you feel so sad and lonely right now.  You have a place to talk about anything here.

[P]

Dearest (((((((((Bridget and the gang)))))))))

I wish you didn't live with your mother. I wish you didn't have to interact with her so much. It's not healthy for you.

{TO BRIDGET'S MOTHER (in case she reads this): your wonderful, lovable daughter is NOT YOU. She is her own person. She has a right to her own life that has NOTHING to do with you. Let her go. Let her be own person, without your baggage. It's your stuff - you deal with it and you'll benefit too.}

Bridget, she's your mother, she's supposed to be the adult, you're the child here. If she can't be a mother to you, that doesn't mean you have to mother her - nature doesn't ask for that.

Nature wants you to live your own vibrant life. You are not your mother and she is not you.

Personally I refuse to die for my mother! I refuse.   I will live, no matter how difficult, how sad, how demanding it is. It's all we have and that's good enough reason for me.

Take care of your self Bridget, you're so valuable. keep talking, love, Portia

[Anonymous]

Hi Bridget, Bloopsy and the gang,

I wonder if you can call your therapist right now and tell her what happened after the session. I think it had a big effect on you and maybe your therapist can help you guys get through it.

Take care,
bunny

[vunil as guest]

Hi all the little and big B people

I am so sorry you are feeling lonely.

I wonder if what you feel is angry and you are not sure how to express that or if you are allowed to express it?  Does being angry make you feel lonely?  Maybe because you are afraid if you get mad then people will leave you?  I would be mad if someone put something together that I was looking forward to doing myself.

I agree with Bunny that calling your therapist would be a great idea.  You are having some emotions that deserve to be processed now.


Good luck with everything-- I know living with your mother can be trying for you.