Laughter can be very mean. Use with caution...
hi stormy..
i also wore glasses from the time i was 6. before that, they made me wear a -patch- over one eye! yes i was laughed at, until i stood up for myself one day, in third grade, and after that, noone laughed at me anymore. i even became the protector of the other kids, the fat kids, the 'retarded' children, the people who -really- took heat. i even stuck up for a teacher once that was having a bad day! she was in a bad space for some reason and the kids taunted her, and she went outside the classroom and cried. and -i- went out and comforted her, even though i kknew the other kids would give me a ton of crap. that was how i became an advocate... way back in the third grade, cause i fought back from getting laughed at, and it worked.
stormy i cant speak for anyone else but i would -never- use laughter or anything else as an -offensive weapon- anymore than i would use any other weapon to hurt someone.
we are talking -self defense- here.
we dont identify the things these people do to us as 'violence' becuase its done by our family, our 'friends', its disguised by the soft words and the innocuous actions, the subtle sarcasm and the hidden putdowns, that 'vibe' you cant put your finger on - thats why we think -were- crazy that it bothers us. but, it -is- violence.
i myself, was referring to laughter as -self defense- only. never ever ever as offense.
for the heck of it>> i want to tell you what happened in the third grade.
there were these sisters who taunted me every single day. it was -really- bad. and one day at lunch, they were taunting me, and i was eating some ice cream. i dont know what possessed me but i just got tired of it and i jammed that ice cream rigth up one of their nose.
now today, since i work at a school, i recognise that it would have been a better response to 'use my words' and VERBALLY challenge them instead of physically. i -dont- condone physical violence. i could have said loudly "get out of my face!" "cut it out!" "i dont like that!" the thing was, i challenged them.
whatever, those girls never bothered me again, and neither did anyone else. yes maybe i 'stooped to their level' one time. so what. i peresonally feel a lot better about myself getting them off my back, than 'not stooping' and taking a ton of crap every day. in the big picture i think ill be forgiven.
my daughter recently told me, -she- waas being teased on the bus. she said she was 'ignoring it', and that it wasnt working.
people often think with bullies, that since its -not- ok to use physical violence, theres no other option but 'ignoring'. but thats misleading. theres ways to -communicate- that it isnt ok with you without being inappropriate. (i think laughing is one).
i told her to do two things when the bulies attacked: either move to another seat with friends, becuae bullies only attack those who are alone.
or i told her to turn around and look that bully =straight= in the eye and say loudly "excuse me, but I DONT LIKE THAT. COULD YOU PLEASE STOP." verbal ice cream cone.
and you know what, the next time she talked to me, she told me about having fun on the bus with her friends playing games. she said she didnt even have to use the technique. just having it in her mind, that she had that power to confront, was enough.
you -must- confront bullies. it -can- be done in noviolent, socially acceptable ways. and i would never ever -ever- use any of that, to hurt.
sorry so long.
take care - anna
