Hi everyone,
On the Npartner forum I am Gshelbygirl. I was the one who responded to Sand by saying she showed traits of N when she refused to listen to others opinions that might not have jived with hers. To clarify what I meant by that, I did not call her a Narcissist, I stated she was acting like one. Good communication between two people involves both a messenger and a receiver. A dominated conversation involves a sender who is not receptive to letting the receiver reciprocate by stating their thoughts. I can speak for myself, but this seemed to be the pattern that I experienced during my two year relationship with my N boyfriend. He would ask me to clarify something, then as I began to explain my words, I would be silenced because he did not like what I was saying.
That is exactly what happened on that post. You know the funny thing about all of this, I wasn't going to respond to what hope had posted because I was not aware of the Herm ordeal. I have always practiced what I preach. I feel that if you are not involved directly in a conflict, unless you are fully informed of all the circumstances, you really have no right to put your two cents in. So, being the person I am, I did not respond about herm. However I felt the way Sand handled the herm situation, she was wrong for thinking that the post should be deleted. It would have been different if many voiced the same thoughts, but as far as I can tell, the only voicing about herm that was done was from those who were saddened by her departure. Then what really made me want to speak out was that I noticed that when Sand posted anything, she would come across to me that it was her way or the highway. Good gosh, she might be a manager but I really do not recall her title to be that of "Last and Final Word Judge". She asked for members input, she didn't like what she was hearing, so IMHO she used her authority as a manager to silence the words that didn't coincide with her own opinions.
I find this to be very hipocritical due to the fact that one of the lasting impressions that a relationship with a Narcissistic person leaves on another person is that the partner felt voiceless during the relationship. Hummm, imagine that. The name of this forum is how a N leaves you standing in the dust as they flee the relationship. I have voiced many times that I felt I had lost the right to be my own person because of my relationship. Everyone encouraged me to regain my strength to voice my own opinions. There were many people who encouraged me to speak up when I feel I have something to contribute to the subject at hand. Well, after reading Hope2003 post on Herm, I felt that as a member of that forum, as a person who had something to say about all the childish statements like "if members didnt like how it was run, they were free to leave at any time, and for the fact that Sand and Sand alone felt that the Herm saga was a done deal and that everyone must drop it now and move onto another subject". It came across as domineering to me and by God, I will speak for myself here, I kept my opinion to myself to many times during my relationship while I was walking on egg shells to not set the N off. I will not regress back to those times for anyone.
You know, then for Sand to go on the board and post her version of events, and they were not forth coming with all of the information, was wrong and yet she refused to accept the majority of the replies as an indication of her wrong doing. I also have read many articles that state that it is not abnormal for people involved in a N relationship to pick up some of the N traits. I felt she demonstrated this very thing. I reached MY OWN CONCLUSIONS by her actions. I did not call her a N, but IMHO, she sure was acting with N behavior by her actions. I meant nothing more, nothing less with that statement then that.
I have argued way more in the past two years with my xN then I care to ever experience again. So argueing with strangers online over perceived or should I say misperceived typed words, just really to me isn't appealing right now. She can think what she wants, and by golly I can think what I want. Bottom line is, we both had the right to state our opinions, but we both should respect each others rights to voice them freely. Sand assured that our side would not be presented. Funny, how many posts did I read that stated the same feelings about dealing with a N post relationship. Oh well, two wrongs do not make a right. I just like to play a game with equal rules. A game is no fun when the results are rigged and predetermined.
Mindy
