Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
acapella and the other n-partners
I'm_mine:
--- Quote from: ECHO ---Bobbe,
about being logged in or not - that happens on this site. It times out and I haven't found a way to detect if I am really logged in - as you noted it still can have your name next to 'Log out' and yet you are no longer logged in.
I emailed the moderator/manager here, R Grossman, and he acknowledged the difficulty that situation poses and yet it is a technical constraint. I tried the preview button....
--- End quote ---
Echo, thanks for the info. I just remembered a board a friend of mine had, the same kind as this one, and the exact same thing happened on her board.
See, I can't log in again. I logged in 4 times, looked like it was successful, but as soon as I got to the page w/your post so I could quote it, I was logged out again.
Oh, well - if that's the worst thing I ever have to deal with in my life, I'm very , very lucky, right?
:wink: :D
bobbie
Acappella:
Yup bobbie, helps put things in perspective eh?
Hope, speaking of perspective...treating relationships like pieces on a chess board really is so counterproductive once you know how good a real connection can feel, right? And, I've come to realize (oh my gosh I am still growing up at 41! Yippie, means I aint dead yet for one thing.) that since I live in a world where many people may just see relationships as a maneuvering game, and I have some tendency to get unknowingly caught up in the game I best learn to spot the board and some key strategies so I can forfeit or avoid playing at all . I think you are getting some excellent forsight about what to expect. Aside from the good relationships that may come of this unfortunate event that seems to be the next biggest gain....night vision.
ECHO (Acappella on the Sandahl site aka the Npartners site)
Acappella:
I am thankful to anyone at the Sandahl site who is questioning the safety there. You know who you are (in more ways than one). I feel like you are tending to a sort of social ecology that reaches beyond any single board or relationship and makes a lot of individuals feel stronger and safer too, yourself included I imagine and hope.
I am thankful because:
#1 Feeling connected and then cut off without notice or being missed or a valid avenue to reconnect hurts! The best antidote to disconnection is connection. I feel more connected seeing examples of courage and the struggle for group safety.
#2 Speaking up in a group on whom you depend is likely scary for most of us, according to posts I've read and my own experience - even without such blatant signs of danger. I appreciate the courage you have. I like being reminded that in addition to the harshness in the world there are counter balances too.
#3 It isn't only about being defended or not or any single person but about community, virtual and otherwise - a community with a social ecology - Expressing concern about the image vs. the reality of that site is about encouraging integrity and I believe that is good for us all. It just makes the world a better, safer place. I know it is good for me anyway.
THANK YOU. I won't post names here if you aren't posting here and besides you know who you are.
I don't hate anyone at the other site, I don't know them well enough to be quite that hurt and hate beyond a quick reactive feeling it just wastes my precious energy anyway. I do feel Sandahl's reaction must have been valid for whatever was going on inside her AND totally ineffective in terms of a vital level of consistency and trust in the group she claimed to "support". If that board falls apart it will be in part because of the lack of integrity and the safety that goes along with at least a basic level of integrity.
This all may seem obvious to some folks but two weeks ago it wasn't for me and seems like not for a lot of people.
I am only interested in continuing on this thread as:
#1 A way of understanding how I got myself into that and what signs were there that I missed and to start getting clearer on what I do and don't want in relationships.
#2 A reference for others at the Sandahl site (or any other board) who have unsafe experiences and want a safer alternative and to know they aren't alone in that other experience. A thread can't go on forever though.
For myself I want to explore how I got myself into that situation and if there were signs I didn't see. How does it relate to my other relationships in life? I know I attract some people with strong N tendancies and I want to better understand how it happens. I want to understand better the flags that fly both ways and the tacit contracts that get made, that I make. I'd also like to look at that with others who still have those questions for themselves or other questions or feelings about what happened. I sure do not want to be focusing on any of this any longer than necessary - I just want to turn it into awareness, specific awareness ...not "they" are everywhere and "they" are bad awareness (venting is part of the process too though). If anyone is interested in that discussion perhaps we can continue it as a smaller group? My email is on this site in the member section. I don't know how many people on the voicelessness site were involved directly or otherwise in this incident and are interested but not speaking up here. I have noticed a tremendous number of views though. I am tempted to post here my total exchange (all of which was public and short) with the manager of the other site. I dont know if it would be helpful for anyone else. I may just do it for myself....haven't decided yet.
ECHO/(aka Acappella at other site)
Jaded911:
Echo,
Doesn't it feel good to know that you are regaining the strength to defend yourself? I had a very interesting thought today about this ordeal. Remember the post from the other site that mentioned a member meeting her xN girlfriend before she came along? It talked about meeting and her expectations of her were not how she presented to be.
That led me into thinking about my xN talking about his xwife. He said the most horrible things about her and although some were true, I know some were false too. But I remember thinking how much he loved me and how special I was to him, blah blah blah. I just knew that he would never NEVER ever have anything that horrible to say about me.
WRONGO!! I am blah blah blah. Point to my thoughts boils down to this. Everyone there who thinks they are beyond being treated like we were, guess again. Anybody there could be next with their words twisted, actions exagerated, and their mouths covered as they are rushed to the door, in order to silence them. So basically, I thought he wouldnt dream of speaking about me like that, never thought I could ever be on my xN bash list. Ya well, I was just the next one in line, just another naive woman.
But, who the heck wants to stand in that line again. What you see is what you get, and I seen it and cant say I regret that my blinders were not on this time. I made the right decision to speak out, wish I would have done it with my xN. But ya just cant have everything now can ya??
tiredofthewhining:
you say you want differing opinions but when the nike person offered opposing views.........you have attacked her
you have done nothing here other than slander sand and her board she's helped alot of people. it is a good board and good support.
hermione quit the board.thats not her fault. yet you attack her.besides the herm character gave blatantly wrong information.
you sound like a bunch of whining children because you didn't get your way. who's the n here? not sand.
my opinion...... go ahead slam me..... you know you are going to.
totw
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