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Great List of Narcissistic behavior
Jaded911:
Hi everyone,
I copied this list from another site and I felt it spoke volumes about a N behvior. I know that some of the information that I have read can be confusing because it is in Psychiatric terms, this just struck me because it is in simple humanistic terms. I just wanted to share it with everyone.
1. Emotional immaturity. Behavior is not age appropriate.
2. Self-centeredness. He comes first and foremost. Is insincere about real interest in other people.
3. Little if any remorse for mistakes.
4. Poor judgment.
5. Unreliability, undependability, irresponsibility.
6. Inability to profit from experience - does not learn a lesson from making mistakes.
7. Inability to postpose immediate gratification - what he wants, he wants now. Impulsive and demanding.
8. Conflict with, or defiance of, authority.
9. Lack of appreciation for the consequences of his actions.
10. Tendency to project his own shortcomings on to the world about him - frequent blaming. Never at fault.
11. Little if any conscience.
12. Behavior develops little sense of direction - often uninfluenced by concepts of right and wrong.
13. Gives lip service to professed values and beliefs.
14. Often involved with illegal or unethical acts.
15. Shallow interpersonal skills - inability to experience and verbalize deep feelings and emotions. Often insensitive to the needs and feelings of others. Cannot identify with how others feel.
16. Ability to put up a good ‘front' to impress and exploit others.
17. Low stress tolerance with explosive behavior.
18. Can ‘con' to get what he wants to meet his needs, often at the expense of others. The behavior is highly repetitious and many people are used.
19. Sees others as pawns on the chess board. Maneuvers people around for his own purposes. When done with them, they are ‘checkmated' or rejected.
20. Ready rationalization - rarely at a loss for words - twists conversation to divorce himself from responsibility. When he is trapped, he just keeps talking or changes the subject, or gets angry.
21. Incapable of maintaining genuine loyalities to any person, group, or code.
22. Chronic lying.
23. Does/did poorly in school with attendance, grades, attitudes, and relationships with teachers. Was in conflict with parents over school performance.
24. ‘ Chip on shoulder' attitude - cocky and arrogant.
25. Rebellious to parents authority. Violates standards of the home frequently.
26. Cancels commitments without sound reason or warning.
27. Uses friends for money, transportation, favors, time, attention, etc.
28. A taker - not a giver. Gives for show but expects something in return.
29. Glimpses of integrity and emotion are seen - but short lived. Gives you hope he's changing, but returns soon to deviant behavior.
30. Lives life of avoiding responsibility vs. Getting the job done.
31. Poor self-motivation - often described as lazy and listless. Lacks ambition. Not helpful with routine chores.
32. Fun is the cornerstone of his life.
33. Sexually curious or active. Places great importance on his sexual abilities. Female sexual partner often feels used and demanded of.
34. Lacks well-defined values.
35. Comes across initially as caring and understanding and reads others ‘like a book' because he makes his business knowing how to maneuver people.
36. In a trust relationship, inevitably betrays and violates the commitments and gets blocked emotionally when gets too close to those he says he loves.
37. Angry mood most of the time.
38. Uses sex to control, cover his insecurity or make up after a fight.
39. Has no concept of open sharing of ideas, feelings, emotions.Conversation goes per his direction. He has the last word always. He determines how, when,where we talk, and about what he wants to talk about.
40. Can show real tenderness of feeling, then return to customary behaviors. Two (or more) vastly different sides to his personality are seen.
41. Poor planner with time and activity.
42. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.
43. Excessively concerned with personal appearance, eg, hair, weight, care he drives, clothes, having money to flash, career dreaming.
44. Seems to enjoy disturbing others. Likes to agitate and disrupt for no apparent reason.
45. Feels entitled to the ‘good life' without working for it.
46. He never seems to get enough of what he wants. He leaves others drained and confused.
47. Others get upset when in his presence. There's a feeling of guardedness, caution, and suspicion that he creates in others.
48. Moody - switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.
49. Poor work history - quitting, being fired, interpersonal conflicts.
50. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations. Does not pay the bills in a responsible and timely way.
51. Unable to sustain a totally faithful relationship with loved one of the opposite sex. Flirtatous, overly friendly. Make inappropriate sexual comments to/about other women.
52. Seldom expresses appreciation. Again, is thinking of his needs vs.needs of others.
53. Grandiose. Convinced that he knows more than other people and is correct and right in almost all he says and does.
54. Clueless as to how he comes across to others and to how he is viewed.Gets defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault. May be apologetic and seem sincere but soon repeats offensive behavior without appearing to have learned from it.
55. Motive for behavior is usually self-serving and he does not recognize it.
56. Can get very emotional, even tearful, but behavior is more about show or frustration rather than contrition or sorrow.
57. He breaks woman's spirits to keep them dependent.
58. Survives on threats, intimidations to keep others chained to him.
59. Sabotages anything that makes his spouse/girlfriend happy. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few/no outside interests/friends/family.
60. Highly contradictory. He loves me, he hates me. He threatens me with poverty, then indulges me or our relationship.
61. He is always working somebody over - either subtly or aggressively for a favor, deal, break, freebie, discount, etc.
62. Double standard. He is free to do his thing, but expects others to be what he wants them To be/do. He doesn't let others be themselves.
63. Convincing. Successful at getting other people to believe in his perception of a problem. Is adamant that people side with him vs. Allow them to feel/believe differently.
64. Hides who he really is from everyone. No one really knows the real him.
65. Scorns everyone/everything that he disagrees with. Does not allow for differences to be respected. Scorns the responsible world.
66. Difficult to pin him down to a certain level of integrity that you can live with. Resists all efforts to define his values, behaviors, standards.
67. Kind to you usually only if he's getting from you what he wants.
68. He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good.
69. He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks.
70. He does not discuss openly before hand. You get to deal with "after the fact" information.
71. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself and others.
72. You end up feeling responsible for the problem. He gets to your feelings. No matter what, he wins, you lose.
73. He wins at the expense of your feelings. Thinks only of the end result without considering your feelings, needs in the process.
74. Attitude of "I"ll meet your needs if you meet mine. If you don't, I'll find someone else who will or I will not meets yours".
75. Unilateral condition of, "I'm OK and justified so I don't need to hear your position or ideas"
76. Does not take responsibility for his behavior.
77. The hurt he describes is because he got caught or he's mad that you're mad, and not because he believes he made a mistake.
78. Secret life. You're often wondering what he does or who he is that you don't know about.
79. Always feels misunderstood.
80. Most of the time you feel miserable living with this person. When it's good you relish the peace but that is usually short lived. He is so skilled at making a mountain out of a molehill and you become so tired of the conflict. It drains all of your energy, love, and hope.
81. Is usually through listening once he's made his arguments.
82. We talk about his feelings, not mine.
83. Unchallenged by people because they seem to be put off by him, afraid of him or he eludes them.
84. Is not interested in problem-solving openly.
85. Seems very interested in discerning personalities, so that he can strategize how to manipulate them
clara:
Lists like this are really helpful for people to figure what exactly bothers them about people they find difficult to like. But I am not sure of its value in identifying narcissism. Really this list looks like it also has traits of psychopathy (antisocial disorder) thrown in, as well as borderline personality and lots of others.
Narcissism is actually much more specific than what this list includes. A true NPD feels they are special, self-important, better than others, appears arrogant, requires excessive admiration, and lacks empathy. The lack of remorse is not really part of the true NPD. In fact, they feel lots of remorse and shame, but they cover it up with all kinds of defence mechanisms that make them particulalry unpleasant to live with (they blame others, twist things around, never own up to their faults). A psychopath (someone who truly feels no remorse) spends little psychic energy covering up feelings of shame and guilt because they lack the capacity for feeling gshame and guilt in the first place.
Not to say that the non-N traits on the list are any less problematic than those of the NDP. It's just that those of us who live with (or have lived with) a true NPD have been dealing with our own particular form of hell.
I_am_mine:
Clara, I agree - I think it's a great list, but it doesn't seem particularly specific to narcissism.
As I was reading it, tho - it got scarier and scarier, because I recognize almost every single trait in my Ndad...had never actually sat down and listed his less-than-positive traits, but to realize that one person can have that many negative thought processes and behaviors...well, I can tell you, it sure made me stop and think!
bobbie
Anonymous:
It probably describes alot of psychological disorder behaviors of thoughts of those people. I by no means meant it was just for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That is the reason I am searching for my voice, dealing with a N that is.
It just described their actions in a manner that clicked with me. Just thought I would share it. I can not speak about how this relates to other mental disorders because I have no experience other then with my education. Reading something out of a book and living through what is written in the book gives a person an entire different look on the subject.
Almost everyone of the things listed on that list my N demonstrated. There are different degrees on which people are considered Narcissistic. At one end of the spectrum they demonstrate minor characteristics and at the other end of it you have the worst of them. Psychotic might be on those who are extreme N, but then again it might be for ones who only demonstrate a mild version of the traits mentioned. Interesting question, are the ones who demonstrate mild traits considered psychotic? The behavior of N is truly bizarre and I can see why people have long lasting affects of the damage they inflict. I know I have had to struggle my way back to reality.
Like I said, this list just hit close for me and thought maybe someone else might enjoy it. Besides that, LOL, I did not claim to be the author of it, I copied it from another site.
Jaded911:
Clara,
I got to thinking about what you said about a lack of remorse with N people. I reallly believe that if a person has remorse for something that they have done, they make dang sure to right their wrongs. They work very hard to not do that again to assure they dont have to mend damage done by their actions. I can only speak for myself and my situation. Thinking back I heard alot of "I am sorry honey, I will never do that again", just to have something worse done a short time later.
When I feel remorse for something I have done. I make sure I learn from the experience and I try very hard to correct my actions to ensure I not repeat. If my xN knew he hurt me or did something I perceived to be wrong, he used that one over and over again. He did learn from the experience, he learned that it hurt me and that proved to him that he hit a bullseye.
If I had to rate my xN on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being on the extreme end of Nism, he was about a 9 1/2. Perhaps thats why this list described him so well for me. To agree with you about it also describing anti-social, that he was so correct you are. Anti social behavior is also present with people who are not N. It is all so mind boggling isnt it?
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